The hot weather seems to be affecting everyone, even our bozos. From Irving, Texas comes the story of Bozo Thomas Phillips who was in the back seat of a car that was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. When he saw the cops approaching, he jumped out of the car and ran into a nearby Kroger store. The cops found him hiding inside one of the store’s walk in freezers. He’s now cooling his heels in jail after the officers found he had several outstanding warrants.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Guildford, England, where a team of bozos held up a jewelry store, getting away with $99,000 in jewelry. Two bozos actually pulled off the heist, while our third bozo waited in the getaway car, a high powered Alfa Romeo. The theft went according to plan, but a witness was able to get a description of the getaway car and the license plate number and soon the cops were in hot pursuit. They probably wouldn’t have been able to keep up with the souped up Alfa except for the fact that the getaway driver seemed to be going for some sort of safe driving award. He abided by all the posted speed limits and never so much as ran a stoplight. It didn’t take long for the cops to catch up and place our bozos under arrest.
Perhaps it was a desire to truly look like a bozo that led to our criminal’s demise today. From Peekskill, New York, comes the story of bozo Eduardo Lopez who burglarized a home, getting away with a digital camera and computer equipment. The homeowner woke up just in time to get a glimpse of our bozo as he fled. The one thing that really stood out was the hair…a big mop of it dyed a very bright, almost glow-in-the-dark red. A description was sent to local police departments and a short time later an officer noticed our bozo and his hair getting off a city bus. He’s busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sam Whitaker for sending in today’s report. From Etna Green, Indiana, comes the story of two bozos who were attempting to break into a residence when the homeowner returned and surprised them. They ran off when he approached but they left one of their "tools" behind…a credit card they were using to try to jimmy the door open. A credit card that belonged to one of our bozos. Busted!
Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 37494: Before robbing a place, make certain they actually have what you’re looking for. From Salt Lake City, Utah, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who burst into the Black Diamond Equipment Company, threatened the manager with an ice pick and demanded precious jewels, metals and money. His plan would have worked a lot better if the Black Diamond Equipment Company had actually sold diamonds, like he thought. In reality, they sell rock- climbing equipment. Oops…
Bozo criminal for today comes from East Brookfield, Massachusetts, where bozo Noreen Miller was pulled over after an officer noticed her driving erratically. She smelled of alcohol and he saw an open pint of vodka in her purse. It was when he requested that she get out of the car that she came up with the Bozo Question of the Week. She asked the officer if this was going to take long, as she was already late for her Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. She’ll have to re-schedule. She’s under arrest.
We have today our first ever Bozo Incompetence Award. From the International File in Buenos Aires, Argentina, comes the story of bozo counterfeiter Marcos Ribles who was on trial for printing up some fake 100 Peso Argentinian notes as well as a fake U.S. $50 bill. The judge looked at the bills and said they had such shoddy printing and poor quality paper that no one would ever think they were real. In fact, they were so bad, he dismissed all charges against our hapless bozo.
Bozo criminals for today come from Boca Raton, Florida, where police were called to an apartment complex after residents reported a possible break-in. One of our bozos had been seen entering an apartment through a window while his accomplice used a cell phone to shine light inside. The cops quickly nabbed our "inside" bozo and as they were questioning him, he received a text message from our "outside" bozo, advising him that he was hiding from the cops near the swimming pool. They’ve both been charged with burglary and possession of marijuana.
***Check out Dave Moreland’s Bozo Criminal of the Day on Facebook***Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Rosa, California, where 28 year-old Kayte Thompson and three of her girlfriends stopped at a convenience store to buy beer. As Kayte reached into the cooler Bozo Paul Ellis came up behind her and snatched her wallet from her other hand. He made a quick exit through the front door with Kayte in hot pursuit. As he jumped on his bicycle to attempt his getaway, Kayte tossed the 12-pack of Miller Lite bottles shot-put style in his direction. She scored a direct hit, knocking our bozo off his bicycle. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Athens, Georgia, where bozo Zachary Jones pulled up to a police cruiser at 9 o’clock the other morning and asked the officer inside if he could check and see if there were any warrants for his arrest. The officer said he would, but first he’d need to see his drivers license. Our bozo dug around in his pockets and all he could come up with was an ID card. The officer ran his name and discovered that his license had been suspended. That’s when our bozo offered the most intelligent observation we’ve heard in a while. He said to the officer, "It would probably be best if I went to jail." He got his wish.
Bozo criminal for today violated Basic Bozo Rule Number 759: It’s best to always start with a full tank. From Daytona Beach, Florida, comes the story of bozo Randall Welch who held up a bank and got away with an undisclosed amount of cash. He jumped into his getaway car and sped away. He didn’t speed very far, however, before the vehicle ran out of gas. Our bozo ditched the car and fled on foot. He probably should have just waited for the cops. They ran the registration on his vehicle and were waiting for him when he returned home.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Cayton, England, comes the story of bozo Clive Brown who chose to dress in full motorcycle gear, with helmet and leather jacket, when he held up a store on a warm summer day. Just the outfit alone would have called attention to him, but one other small item sealed his fate. After handing over the cash, the clerk noticed something written on our bozo’s helmet, in one-inch high letters. It was his name, "Clive Brown." He might as well have worn a nametag. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Bolingbrook, Illinois, where bozo John Polk was unhappy with the service he received at his local bank. So he went to the manager to complain, right? Wrong. Maybe he simply took his business elsewhere? Nope. He called 911 to complain? Yes, he did. But, he didn’t stop there. He also told the 911 operator he was going to rob the place to get his money. We think he was kidding, but the operator took him very seriously and soon the bank was surrounded by cops. He’s under arrest, charged with felony disorderly conduct.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Lincoln, Nebraska, where enterprising bozo Mary Mitchell was hired by the local newspaper as an ad salesperson. She was paid a salary, but would earn more based on the size of the paper, and the more ads, the bigger the paper. She started selling ads, lots of ads, about $12,000 worth. The paper was getting bigger and everything was fine until it came time to send out bills for the advertising. Almost none of the businesses had ever heard of our bozo or the ads. She had simply placed fake ads to boost her own salary. Oops…she’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pinole, California, where bozo Anthony Sierra broke into a residence but was interrupted when the homeowner returned. Our bozo made a quick getaway, maybe too quick, as he left his cell phone behind. Police were gathering evidence when the cell phone rang. Of course it was our bozo, who asked the officer who picked up if he had found his cell phone. The officer played along and set up a place to meet and return the phone. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Zephyrhills, Florida, where bozo Jeffrey Pope wrapped a green towel around his head as a disguise and held up a convenience store, getting away with a couple of hundred dollars. Thinking this was easy, our bozo decided to try the same trick two days in a row, again wrapping his head in a towel and walking into the same convenience store. The same clerk was working but this time when he saw a bozo enter the store with a towel wrapped around his head he was ready. As he approached the counter, the clerk made a grab for him and his towel, knocking him to the ground and removing the towel in the process. Our bozo got away but not before the clerk got a good enough look at our now towel-less thief to make a positive ID on him. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Mission, Kansas, where bozo Jesse Shaw made a number of mistakes. First, he decided to slash the tires on several police cars parked in the department lot. Second, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he called the police station to brag about it. And that was when one of the officers thought he recognized that voice…it sounded just like a guy he had stopped for a traffic violation near the police station earlier that morning. Cops were able to match the voice on the patrol car’s dash cam video recorder with our bozo’s voice on the phone. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Columbia, South Carolina, where bozo Joseph Norris robbed a bank, getting away with almost $4000. He must have been really proud of the deed, too, since he couldn’t resist bragging about it on his MySpace page. His posting that he was "on the run for robbin’ a bank" got the cops attention. His next post will be from jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Dubois, Pennsylvania, where bozo Nicholas Romano was an entrepreneurial type. He wanted to go into business for himself and went down to the local police station to apply for a vendor’s license. Which would have been a good idea except for one thing…he was wanted by the cops on drug and DUI charges. Oops. His business venture will have to wait for a while. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. Our bozo for today, Brandon Hendrix, of Kansas City, Missouri, violated Bozo Rule Number 12034: It takes the proper tool to do the job. Our bozo had big plans to break into the very secure Kansas City Federal Reserve Bank. First, he climbed over a six-foot wrought iron fence. Then, he crawled under a second fence to get to a secured area. It was at this point that his lack of proper tools became obvious. To break into the Federal Reserve Bank, one of the most heavily guarded buildings in the country, our bozo brought along…a screwdriver. We don’t know if it was Phillips or flathead, but he was making no progress on the door when he was spotted by guards and placed under arrest.