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Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 88765: The old saying, "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again" doesn’t apply in the bozo world. From Upper Township, New Jersey, comes the story of bozo John Moore who had just been released after serving nearly six years in prison for robbing a bank. He wasted no time in returning to the scene of the crime, where he once again tried to rob the place. Yep, he tried to rob the bank a second time. Same result. He’s under arrest.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Mobile, Alabama, where an unidentified bozo walked into a convenience store with two t-shirts wrapped around his head and pointed a gun at the clerk. He then demanded cash but the bewildered clerk just stood there, without responding to his demands. He told her to hand over the cash a second time and again she just looked at him and shook her head. After trying a third time and getting the same response, our bozo finally gave up and walked out. Before we declare the clerk a hero, you should know one thing. She speaks almost no English and didn’t understand a word our bozo was saying to her.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Swansea, Wales, where bozos Keith Caldwell and Paul West broke into a liquor store. They ignored the cash in the register and immediately went to work cleaning out the place, stacking over $1000 worth of liquor at the front door. As you might imagine, this was hard work, and before too long one of our bozos declared it Happy Hour. They took a break and began sampling some of the store’s stock. The sampling continued on into the night until both of our bozos passed out, right there inside the store. Oops. Police found them still sleeping soundly the next morning.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Greensburg, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo David Morgan who seemed like a really nice guy, for a bank robber. He handed the teller a note that asked her to "please" hand over the cash. The note also included a smiley face and told the teller to "have a nice day." Unfortunately, our polite bozo forgot Bozo Rule Number 745309: Count your money after you get home. Police arrested our bozo after getting a report of a man matching the thief’s description walking down the street counting a large amount of money.

Bozo criminals for today come from Atlantic, Iowa, where it’s been very hot this summer. Police officers stopped by to check on our bozos after their trailer blew a tire. It was what they were hauling in that trailer that attracted the cops’ attention. In the trailer was a 1500 hundred-gallon tank filled with water stolen from a city fire hydrant. But it was their excuse for stealing the water that ensured their place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. They told the cops they’d taken the water with the intention of making a water slide. They’ve been charged with theft and public intoxication.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 75648: When you’re robbing a place, "Take off your mask" comes after "Make your getaway." From Moline, Illinois, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who held up a convenience store. After flashing a gun at the clerk and grabbing some cash, our bozo then headed for the door, removing her mask as she walked. Her timing was a little off, however, as she took off the mask just as she walked past the store’s surveillance camera. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baton Rouge, Louisiana, where bozo Mitchell Wilson showed up at the state trooper station early Sunday morning. The officers inside were just a little surprised when he walked up to the front desk and asked if they had any rooms available. Yep, he thought he had walked into a hotel. They booked him a room, just not the type he was looking for. He’s been charged with DUI.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Casper, Wyoming, where bozo Robert Thompson stole a car that was left sitting in front of a liquor store, with the keys in the ignition. Even though this sounds like an easy enough heist, apparently just being a bozo is hard, tiring work. Evidence of this fact is that the police found him sound asleep in the stolen car less than six miles from the crime. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Duchesne, Utah, where bozo Frank Rodriguez showed up at the courthouse with his girlfriend, hoping to get married. One slight flaw in his plan, however. Our bozo was described by Utah authorities as the county’s Public Enemy Number One, with several charges against him, including being a fugitive on aggravated robbery charges. The wedding never came off. He was recognized and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bennington, Vermont, where our bozo almost made it too easy for the police officer. When the officer pulled up beside our bozo at an intersection, he noticed something strange…there was a drinking glass sitting on the car’s trunk. "Now where did I leave my beer?" The officer pulled him over and immediately smelled alcohol. He’s been charged with DUI.

At least our bozo for today’s heart was in the right place. From Rahway, New Jersey, comes the story of bozo Craig Fleming who burglarized a house, getting away with three laptops and an Xbox game console. He soon thought better of his crime and returned to the victim’s house to apologize. The homeowner wasn’t in a forgiving mood and turned him over to the cops.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Vero Beach, Florida, where bozo Jason Nations walked into a convenience store, picked up a can of beer and brought it to the front counter. He then flashed a gun and demanded the clerk empty the register. He grabbed the cash and pedaled away on his bicycle. Guess he didn’t want to drink and drive as he left the beer behind, and that turned out to be a mistake. His fingerprints were lifted off the can and matched up to his prints that were on file from a previous domestic violence charge. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where two unidentified teenagers broke into a home and were rummaging around when they realized the homeowner was still inside. They made a hasty exit, with one of our bozo teens leaving a valuable piece of evidence behind…his school backpack. With several pieces of his homework in it. He’s busted.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Orebro, Sweden. Two bozos called a cab and asked the cabbie if he could also take along their bicycle. As he was attaching the bicycle to the rear of the cab, he noticed it looked awfully familiar. Upon further inspection, he realized it was his bicycle. Yep, our bozos had stolen the cabbie’s bike while he was at work and then by chance had called the very same cabbie to ask for a ride. He put them in, locked the back doors and drove them to the police station. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Edwardsville, Illinois, where bozo Carl Carpenter pulled aside another car and asked for directions. When the other driver rolled down her window to talk to him, he flashed a gun and demanded money. The woman sped away, with our bozo following behind. She called 911 and the operator told her to drive to a nearby police station, which she did. With our bozo on her tail, staying with her until she reached the station. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart, Indiana. Bozo John Warren was spotted in a cemetery by an off-duty police officer who was jogging by. He watched as our bozo, totally naked, got back into his truck and drove away. He took down our bozo’s license number and when he paid him a little visit to ask why he was naked in a cemetery, he gave the officer our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told him he had stopped to check on his in-law’s grave, but he had been golfing all day long and his underwear was wet, so he undressed in his truck. And, as to why he got out of the truck naked, he said it was because he wanted to look at the flowers and didn’t have his glasses. He’s been charged with indecent exposure.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report from the International File in Manchester, England. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 22119: Before pulling a crime, do your homework. Bozo Kate Davis was returning to England on a flight from Jamaica and as she tried to pass a set of golf clubs through customs an agent noticed something strange about them on x-ray. Then, making conversation with her, he asked her what her handicap was. She stared back at him blankly and asked him to repeat the question. When he did, she responded that she didn’t have any disability. Oops. The clubs were drilled open and found to be filled with cocaine. She’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pueblo, Colorado, comes the story of bozo Manuel Garcia who was speeding down a steep hill when he ran a red light, narrowly missing an oncoming Lexus. He then swerved and ran smack into the side of a police patrol car, miraculously receiving only minor injuries. He was charged with DUI. Now, just what makes this story Bozo-worthy? The fact that he was riding a skateboard at the time.

Bozo criminals for today come from Syracuse, New York, where bozos Christopher Box and Damian Bowman used a rock and hammer to break three windows at a sandwich shop around two o’clock the other morning. Their plan went awry when the breaking glass set off the burglar alarm and they fled without getting anything. The cops arrived a few minutes later and, after checking the surveillance videos, began to take a look around the area. They immediately noticed our two bozos sitting on the front porch of a house just behind the sandwich shop. Thinking they looked a lot like the crooks on the video, they asked them if they had heard any glass breaking within the last 20 minutes or so. This question so shook up one nervous bozo that he immediately confessed and indentified his friend as his accomplice. They’re busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in this one from Lakeland, Florida, where bozo Jared Cook walked into a convenience store and asked to buy some tobacco products. The clerk asked for an ID, to confirm his age, which our bozo handed to him. It was after the clerk returned the ID that our bozo announced that it was a holdup and demanded cash. He got a small amount of money and, as he was heading out the door, dropped a small baggie of marijuana. Police quickly rounded up our bozo, using the info from his ID and his image from the surveillance video.