Recent Posts

Bozo criminals for today come from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where two men forced another man into a van at gunpoint and then robbed him of everything in his pockets and even took his shoes. After being kicked out of the van, he called the cops. The police had no trouble finding the crooks after the victim described the vehicle he had been held in. It was a black van covered with pictures of scantily clad women advertising "Big Bob’s Gold Mine", an area strip club. And one of the robbers was apparently a relative of the owner. Oops. They’re under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Woodbine, Georgia, comes the story of bozo Harry Jacobs who needed a smoke. Really needed a smoke. Only problem, he was an inmate in the County Jail and there weren’t any cigarettes available. So he set up a meeting with a friend on the outside who was supposed to toss the smokes over a fence in the exercise yard. When our bozo went to meet his friend, he was nowhere to be found. So, he did what any cigarette-jonesing bozo would do. He climbed the fence, broke a window at a nearby convenience store and stole several packs of cigarettes. Unfortunately his break-in to the jail wasn’t as successful as his break-out. Guards spotted him as he attempted to climb back over the fence. Those were pretty expensive cigarettes. He’s been sentenced to an additional 20 years for burglary and escape.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Chris Snyder for sending in today’s report from Medford, Oregon. Two unidentified bozos attempted to rob someone at knifepoint at a convenience store before losing their nerve and running away. This would probably have been a good plan except for one thing. They had driven their car to the store. Police were on the scene investigating when our bozos returned to pick up their car. Oops. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 990987: Get Out of Jail Free cards only work in Monopoly. From Rikers Island, New York, comes the story of bozo Dana Friedrich was being held on burglary charges. It was then that he hatched his seemingly foolproof plan. He printed up fake court papers lowering his bond from $100,000 to $1000 and forged a court official’s initials on the document. Unfortunately, an officer quickly spotted the phony document and simply added forgery charges to our bozo’s rap sheet.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from our April Fools File. From Newberg, Oregon, comes the story of bozo Corey Mason who called the cops and told them that three well-dressed burglars had broken into his home. He said that he had surprised them when he returned home and they fled after he fired several rounds from his handgun at them. Police began a massive search for the men, but found nothing. Upon further investigation at his home, they also found no evidence of a struggle, much less a shootout. They did, however find methamphetamines. While the police contemplate why he would have made the whole story up, they’ve charged him with drug possession.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Lackawanna, New York, which proves the bozo apple does not fall far from the tree. Bozo Jennifer Howard was pulled over by the cops for having an expired license plate. After the officer discovered that the plate also did not match the vehicle, she offered up the Bozo Excuse that she knew her plates were expired so she swapped them with the plates on her mother’s car. During the interrogation, the officer also discovered that her driver’s license was expired. He agreed to allow her to call her mother to come pick her up. Not the best idea. Mom arrived driving her car, which had her daughter’s expired plates on it. And her driver’s license is expired also. No word on whether they’re sharing the same cell.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cleveland, Ohio, where bozo Ricky Fox fled from the cops after a traffic violation. After leading them on a chase at speeds of up to 90 MPH, our bozo spotted a tall fence and pulled the car over. He quickly scaled the fence but did not find the freedom he was looking for on the other side. He had climbed over the fence that surrounded the state women’s prison. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Admittedly, we’re going to have a tough time calling our bozo for today a criminal, but there’s little doubt he is indeed a bozo. From Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Donald Wesley, a true animal lover, who encountered a dead opossum on the side of the road. Trying to do the right thing, our bozo stopped and attempted to administer mouth-to-mouth resuscitation to the creature, who apparently had been dead for quite a while. A police officer spotted him and, after questioning, charged him with public intoxication. No word on the fate of the possum.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Naperville, Illinois, where bozo Carly Hampton was taken to jail after getting into a heated dispute with a cab driver. The officer on duty offered our bozo use of a telephone, telling her she was entitled to one phone call. So, she called a relative to come pick her up, right? Wrong. Maybe she called a bail bondsman? No. A lawyer? Nope. Instead our bozo used her one call to dial 911 and tell the operator that she was "trapped inside the police station." It comes as no big surprise that this was not a good idea. She now has earned another criminal charge, this one for making a false 911 report.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Orem, Utah, where bozo John Watkins swiped a couple of cell phones from a convenience store. And that’s where he troubles began. Apparently he left behind a slip of paper with his address on it. Then, he somehow became disorientated and flagged down a police officer to ask for directions. The very same police officer that was investigating the theft and had just received a description of our bozo from the clerk. Oops. He’s been charged with theft and possession of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fairfield, Connecticut, where bozo Albert Baker and a 16-year-old accomplice thought they had come up with the ultimate plan for simplifying bank robberies. Simply call ahead first. And that’s exactly what they did, calling the bank and telling the teller that they were on their way to rob the place and to avoid trouble, simply have a bag of money ready to go. Unfortunately for them, the teller called the cops instead and they were there waiting for our bozos when they arrived. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report from Spring Hill, Florida, where Bozo Louis Perez may have been watching too many of those home makeover shows. Obviously thinking he needed something to spruce up his yard, our bozo pulled up in front of a doctor’s office, tied a rope to his truck, and affixed the other end of the rope to an expensive palm tree that was part of the office’s landscaping. Our bozo then proceeded to drive away, pulling the tree up by the roots. Office staffers noticed what was going on and called the cops, who simply followed the trail of sand to our bozo’s home. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Des Moines, Iowa, where bozo Scott Darby had been drinking and carousing at the local bar when he suddenly left with a woman on his arm and a half finished beer on the bar. Before the bartenders could pick up the glass, our bozo returned, toting a rifle and demanding cash. The staff thought he was kidding until he fired a round into the ceiling. They quickly cleaned out the registers and our bozo fled in a waiting car. The cops didn’t have any trouble tracking him down, though. It seems before his mood turned dark, he had been walking around the bar handing out business cards for his contracting business. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where bozo Elbert Taylor was under arrest on bank robbery charges. He was moved from the jail to a hospital after feeling sick and losing consciousness. It was while he was in the hospital that our bozo hatched his daring escape plan. He would gain his freedom by simply walking unnoticed out of the place. Somehow, he was able the get past hospital security despite the fact that he was still in his hospital gown with an intravenous needle in his arm. His plan must not have covered much after getting out of the hospital, as, instead of going into hiding, he simply walked to the nearest bar, without bothering to change clothes or remove the needle. The bartender noticed his rather strange appearance and called the cops. Our bozo is back in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Lucie, Florida, where bozo Gene Caldwell likes Little Debbie Oatmeal Cookies. Really likes them. Likes them so much that, when he discovered what he thought were two boxes missing from his stash, he grabbed his garden hoe and began banging on his neighbor’s door demanding they return them. By the time the cops arrived, the door had been "damaged beyond repair" and an investigation ensued. Police listened to our bozo’s theory that his neighbors had broken into his house under cover of darkness and had stolen two boxes of cookies. They then took a look around his house and discovered the Wal-Mart receipt from the previous day that showed our bozo had purchased five boxes of cookies, not seven as he had believed. Case solved. Bozo charged with criminal mischief.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Mount Washington, Pennsylvania, where Bozo Tremaine Johnson had just attended a concert by rapper Jay-Z. It was a cold night and as our bozo was heading home he found himself chilled to the bone. So he bundled up and walked faster, right? Nope. Jumped into his car and turned the heater on? No. Maybe stopped for a cup of coffee? Nah. Instead he broke into a house and climbed into a nice warm bed and cuddled up to the homeowner. The surprised man noticed someone in bed with him and asked if it was his girlfriend. When he heard a deep voice reply, "No, it’s not," he grabbed a baseball bat from beneath the bed and whacked our bozo with it, keeping him at bay until the police arrived. Our bozo is now sleeping in a nice warm jail cell.

Once again today we have an example of another Bozo Foiled By Modern Technology. From the International File in Mexico comes the story of bozo Maxi Sopo who was having so much fun living in paradise on a Mexican beach that he just couldn’t resist telling all his friends on Facebook about his adventures. Which would have been OK except for one thing: Our bozo was wanted by the feds on bank fraud charges. And the feds follow Facebook, too. They were able to track down our bozo through his public "friends" list and Mexican authorities placed him under arrest. It’s doubtful he’ll feel the need to brag about this on Facebook.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chattanooga, Tennessee, where a police officer who had been checking traffic speeds with radar parked his car to fill out a report. Suddenly, he felt his car shaking violently. He looked out the front window but couldn’t see what was causing the problem. It was when he stepped out that he spotted our bozo, a four-legged one. A rather large bulldog had grabbed onto the car’s front bumper and was giving it a mighty shake. The officer tried pepper spray on our bozo, but he was unaffected by it. Seeing the need to call for reinforcements, the officer contacted Animal Control while the bulldog focused his attention on the vehicle’s tires. By the time help arrived, our canine bozo had chewed two tires and the entire front bumper off the patrol car. Finally, Fido’s owners were contacted at a nearby welding shop. The owner was fined for letting his dog run loose and our bozo was released on his own recognizance.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Crime Doesn’t Pay…Much Department. From Thermal, California, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed 11 people at a market at gunpoint. Her total take from those 11 people, $6. Police say, in spite of the small take, robbery is robbery and will charge her if she is caught.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our International Bozo Lonely Hearts Club file. From Berlin, Germany, comes the story of an unidentified woman who called the cops when she heard someone climbing up to her second story balcony shortly after midnight. When the police arrived they found our bozo, carrying flowers and a bottle of wine. He was the woman’s boyfriend and was hoping to surprise her for a romantic interlude. The story might have had a happy ending except for one thing. Mr. Don Juan was wanted by the cops on an outstanding warrant. Even though he offered the officers the bottle of wine, he was still placed under arrest.