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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from McDonough, Georgia. It seems our bozo broke into a vehicle and took several items, including a cell phone. He then just couldn’t wait to try out all the features on the phone. He began by taking a picture of himself. Bad idea. First, he’s an ugly sucker. And second, the way the victim’s phone settings were set, it automatically posted the photo on her Facebook page. Oops. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Once again today we have a story of a bozo who was foiled by modern technology. From the International File in Geneva, Switzerland, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was being questioned by the cops on an unrelated case when the issue of his traffic violations came up. He denied ever speeding in his Bentley Continental, but his cell phone proved otherwise. Apparently he wanted to prove to his friends just how fast the Bentley would go, so he took a photo of the speedometer, showing it going well over posted limits. Unfortunately he also took pictures of the road, revealing where he was. And the phone also put a date and time stamp on the picture. Sort of a do-it-yourself traffic cam. His license has been suspended pending trial.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cobb County, Georgia, where bozo Shanla Stone drove to a car park to negotiate a drug deal. She got out of the car and was finalizing the deal with her customer when a shotgun blast blew a hole in the roof of her minivan. It seems our bozo had taken her three-year-old child along on the drug run and the child had found a shotgun in the backseat and decided to try it out. Luckily, no one was injured but a passer-by reported the incident to the cops, which resulted in our bozo being placed under arrest.

Our bozo for today from Yakima, Washington, confirms what we’ve long known…bozos and modern technology are a dangerous combination. Nineteen year old bozo Robert Carson was speeding on his motorcycle when a deputy sheriff gave chase. The chase didn’t last long, however, as our bozo quickly left the deputy in the dust. Apparently this so pleased our bozo that he immediately headed home and bragged about his exploits on Facebook, even posting a photo of the motorcycle. Bad idea. Cops have access to Facebook, too. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where our unidentified 37-year old bozo wanted to take a ride in an ambulance. And it just so happened that he came upon an unoccupied one as he was walking past a hospital. Seizing the moment, he hopped in and took off. And that’s when things started to go wrong. Apparently he was unprepared for the powerful acceleration and sensitive steering in the ambulance as he veered all over the road and hit several vehicles during the first mile of his drive. Or maybe he was just really drunk. Anyway, he crashed the vehicle a mile and a half away. He did get his wish to ride in an ambulance, though. He was transported by ambulance to the hospital for treatment pending his arrest.

We all know that bozos just can’t handle success and today’s story from New York City proves it. Bozo Charles Barker walked into the Soverign Bank on Monday, announced that he was robbing the place and got away with a large amount of cash. It was so easy that our bozo thought he would try it again the next day. So on Tuesday, he walked in, announced his intentions and again left with his money. Thinking he could get used to this lifestyle, he decided to repeat the act one more time on Wednesday. He should have quit while he was ahead. This time the cops were there and he was placed under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in this story of star-crossed bozo lovers. Today we pose the question…if you are a pair of bozos in love and don’t have the money for the wedding of your dreams, what do you do? Ask your parents or grandparents for help? Nope. Work an extra job to save money? Nah. Take out a loan? No way. Steal copper wire from utility poles to net a whopping $18 profit? Yep. Not only are our bozos under arrest, they will have to pay for the repairs to the 18 utility poles that were damaged. There goes the honeymoon!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Brooklyn, New York, comes the story of bozo Robert Gilbert who stole a shtreimel, a sable-fur hat worn by Hasidic Jewish men, from inside a car. He took the hat, worth about $2000, to a local hat dealer and tried to sell it. Only one problem. The hat contained the owner’s name and phone number inside. Oops. The clerk called the cops and our bozo was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Palm Bay, Florida, where bozo Wilma Bella walked into a convenience store wearing a clear plastic mask and carrying a "Uzi-type" toy gun. The clerk, who was stocking items on another aisle, watched as she stumbled toward the register. Realizing he had a bozo on his hands, the clerk shouted, "Palm Bay police, get on the ground." Our bozo followed instructions and dropped to the floor. Our quick thinking clerk and another employee held her down until the cops arrived.

Bozo criminals for today violated Bozo Rule Number 20009: It’s always best to steal something that’s quiet. From Clearwater, Florida comes the story of bozo bird thieves Fannie Mae Brown and Deon Dailey who stole five cockatiels, five doves, six lovebirds and 13 mini chickens from a residence. Police were called to investigate and the cops noticed a squawking sound coming from a nearby house. Upon further investigation, the missing birds, along with a large cage, were found inside. Our bird thieving bozos are under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 42987: When committing a robbery, it’s a good idea to wear sunglasses. Especially if the place you’re robbing knows you. And ever more especially if your eyes are distinctive. From Avalon, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Conor Collins who walked into a convenience store and demanded cash. Even though he was wearing a hoodie and a bandanna over his face, the clerk quickly recognized him…because of his vivid blue eyes. Knowing he was busted, our bozo fled empty handed and tried unsuccessfully to hide across the street. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Kelly for sending in today’s report from Coral Springs, Florida. It seems bozo peeping Tom Kenneth Palmer made a number of errors when he attempted to look inside the home of a woman taking a shower. Number one, he didn’t hide himself very well and the woman noticed him rustling around in the bushes. She screamed, and her husband got a good look at him as he fled. But that didn’t matter because the police had a much better piece of evidence linking our bozo to the crime. His dogs. Yep, he had taken his two small dogs with him on his peeping expedition and had left them behind when he ran away. The dogs had on collars with tags listing our bozo’s name. And to compound his problems, our bozo’s father arrived while the police were investigating to claim the dogs. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lincoln, Nebraska where our unidentified bozo may have had a little too much to drink. He wandered into the Lincoln police station, walked up to the front desk and asked the officer on duty for a stack of chips. It seems he wanted to play blackjack and mistook the police station for a casino. He was not arrested but was taken into protective custody until he sobered up.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York, where bozo Jack Kowalski decided to rob a bank. His first mistake was his choice of a bank. He picked the one where he did business. His second mistake was his choice of a disguise. He didn’t wear one. His third mistake was where he went after the stole the cash. A casino nearby. Bank employees were quickly able to identify our bozo for the cops and he was placed under arrest, hopefully before he lost the money to a one-armed bandit.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike Sheffield for sending in today’s report. From Tacoma, Washington, comes the story of a bad neighbor. A really bad neighbor. Our bozo came knocking on the door of his neighbors and asked them if they would help him sell some crack cocaine. They politely refused. He returned a short time later, but this time he wasn’t asking for help getting rid of some cocaine. This time he was trying to get rid of a dead body. When he asked them to help him dispose of it, they thought he was kidding and slammed the door in his face. Apparently he wasn’t kidding, as they found a body in their trash can a little later that night. Yikes! The cops were called and our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today from Denver, Colorado must have watched the movie "Weekend at Bernie’s" one time too often. After Jeffrey Jarrett died, his two bozo friends loaded his body into their car, drove to an ATM, withdrew $400 with his ATM card and visited a strip club, a bar and a restaurant before reporting Mr. Jarrett’s death. All these shenanigans may be funny on the big screen, but in real life they’ll get you arrested and charged with abusing a corpse, identity theft and criminal impersonation.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Martin, Michigan, where bozo Paul Baker decided to take his riding lawn mower out for a little spin. While it’s never a good idea to take the old Toro out on the street, this was a particularly bad choice by our bozo. When the cops pulled him over they noticed he was carrying a little something extra. Methamphetamine and the components to make the drug. Oops. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Sharon, Pennsylvania. It seems bozo Emile Porter robbed a jewelry store, getting away with more than 100 items. The day after the burglary, the store owner placed an ad offering a reward for information that could help solve the case. And who should call immediately offering his help but our bozo. The cops became suspicious after talking to him and were able to trace some of the stolen items to pawn shops where he had allegedly sold them. Oops. He’s busted! And he’s not eligible for the reward either.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Jarna, Sweden, where our unidentified bozo purchased nearly nine pounds of methamphetamine. Not wanting to let the valuable drugs out of his site, he took them with him everywhere he went, including the local grocery store. And that’s what got him in trouble. He set the package down while he paid for his purchase and walked out, leaving the drugs behind. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mount Prospect, Illinois, where bozo Hachem Garcia broke into the Mr. Beef and Pizza restaurant. After going through the cash register, all the tasty treats inside were just too much for him to resist. Instead of quickly fleeing the scene, he grabbed himself some chicken tenders and a handful of fries and headed back to the kitchen to prepare them. Bad idea. The video surveillance cameras caught everything. He’s under arrest.