Bozo criminals for today come from West Palm Beach, Florida, where bozos Alexander Palmer, 59, and Clara Pierce, 53, were in the mood for a little romance. They wanted that quickie right now, and since they didn’t have a room, they did what any amorous bozo couple would do. They stole a car for their little rendezvous. Unfortunately, the car they stole was an unmarked police car that was being used on stake-out by detectives from the auto theft division. They’re busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Kelly for sending in today’s report. From Hurst, Texas comes the story of a couple of out-of-town bozos who were involved in a hit-and-run accident. Police were dispatched and soon spotted our bozos. Knowing they were in big trouble, they tried to flee, but not being familiar with the city they took a wrong turn. A very wrong turn. Into the parking lot of the Hurst Police Department. Oops. They’re under arrest.
We all know that one of the hottest items these days is the iPad, and it seems even bozos want them. From Streetsboro, Ohio, comes the story of our unidentified bozo who went shopping for an iPad at the local Walmart. He picked out the one he wanted and handed the clerk his debit card. Noticing that she was having trouble getting the card approved, he did what any bozo would do. He took off for the door with the iPad in hand. He made his getaway but apparently he forgot about that debit card, which was still in the hands of the clerk. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where police were called to a residence on a report of a domestic disturbance. The officers discovered our intoxicated bozo who had apparently barricaded himself in the attic. After discussing the situation, it was determined that our bozo didn’t plan on coming down any time soon, but also didn’t pose an immediate threat. So the officers headed for the door, with the intention of coming back later to check on the situation. And that’s when our bozo came crashing through the ceiling and onto the living room floor. After determining he was not injured in the fall, he was taken into custody.
Bozo criminals for today come from Kissimmee, Florida, where Latasha Wilson and William Shafer checked out of the Rodeway Inn. The cleaning staff discovered they had left something behind…several bags of crack cocaine. Authorities were called and were there investigating when the hotel manager received a phone call. It was none other than our bozos, with a simple request. They said they would like to return to the hotel and wanted to pay for one more night "in the same room." They got to check in, all right…into the county jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where bozo Sean Farmer walked into a bar and ordered a Reuben sandwich. When it arrived, he grabbed it and bolted for the door without paying. Employees of the bar watched in amazement as our bozo hopped into his getaway vehicle…a forklift. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly apprehended, still in the bar’s parking lot. It seems our bozo, who had stolen the forklift earlier, couldn’t figure out how to get the contraption into reverse. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Colorado Springs, Colorado, where bozo Kevin Taylor had set up a little late night rendezvous with a woman he had met on line. His plans went awry when his girlfriend showed up at his home a few minutes before his date was scheduled to arrive. When his would be lover knocked on the door, our bozo pretended she was a burglar and called the cops. It didn’t take the police long to figure out what was going on. Our bozo has been charged with making a false report to police. And he’s no doubt looking for a new girlfriend.
Our bozos for today obviously never heard of the book All I Really Need to Know I Learned in Kindergarten. One of the basic rules in that book is, of course, "Flush", and not only did these guys not flush, they never even made it to the toilet. From the International File in Vara, Sweden, comes the story of two bozo robbers who broke into a home, tied up the residents, and took almost $9000 worth of cash and equipment. One thing kept them from making a "clean" getaway. Before driving away, they both pooped on the ground near their getaway vehicle. Yuk. Police were able to extract DNA evidence from the excrement which led to our bozos’ arrest.
With Halloween approaching, our bozos are up to their usual "tricks." From Eric County, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Brody Hastings who got drunk and decided he would go door-to-door exposing himself to "scare the kids." His ill-conceived plan came to a screeching halt when he knocked on the door of the chief of police. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Our bozo for today is not a criminal, but what his friends did to him is definitely a crime. From Vallejo, California, comes the story of a bozo who accepted a challenge from his friends who bet him that he couldn’t squeeze himself into a child’s swing at a neighborhood park. Our bozo lubed himself up with laundry detergent before sliding his legs into the two small holes on the swing. He made it in, but couldn’t extricate himself. And that’s when his friends pulled their bozo act. Perhaps to keep from having to pay off on the $100 bet, they simply left him swinging. He apparently was stuck for nine hours before police were called to free him. A hospital spokesman says he suffered no major injuries.
Bozo Criminal for today comes from the International File in Obernburg, Germany, where our unidentified bozo walked into a jewelry store and presented a bracelet to have cleaned. On her way out, she grabbed a tray filled with $14,000 worth of gold and silver jewelry from a glass case. She didn’t get very far with her loot, however. Remember that bracelet she had brought in for cleaning? She gave the clerk her correct name and address when she handed it to her. Oops. She’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today forgot Bozo Rule Number 445576: Just because you’re wearing the costume, it doesn’t give you super powers. From Jacksonville, North Carolina, comes the story of bozo Dale Farmer who walked into a convenience store wearing a Spider-Man mask and carrying a samurai sword. He approached the clerk and demanded cash. Immediately recognizing him as a bozo, the clerk grabbed a broom handle and hit him in the stomach and on the head. Another clerk joined the fracas and our bozo’s mask was ripped off and part of his ponytail torn out. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo fled to a nearby house. Our cops found him there, with a freshly shaved head that only served to show the lumps on his noggin left by the broom handle. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, where police were called to a motel to investigate a report of suspicious behavior. Or, perhaps more accurately, bozo behavior. It seems residents of the motel had complained that our bozo had been spraying air freshener all up and down the hallway. He apparently didn’t spray enough. The cops were able to smell the aroma of marijuana coming from underneath his door. He’s busted!
Sometimes it’s just bad timing that does our bozos in…along with their own stupidity, that is. From Elkton, Maryland, comes the story of a couple of bozos who were hauling $325,000 worth of marijuana in their van. The heavy load was more than the van’s tires could handle and our bozos were on the side of the road trying to change the tire when a police officer rolled by. And not just any officer, either. An officer returning home from a drug training class. And apparently one of the things they taught him in class was to be on the lookout for bozos. He stopped to help them and noticed the heavy load they were carrying. They’re busted!
Bozo criminals for today from New Castle, Pennsylvania must have listened to that song "High Hopes" one time too many. Because they must have figured if an ant could move a rubber tree plant, they could move a 15 ton bridge. And, like that ant, they succeeded. After our bozos dismantled the huge metal bridge, they went to a recycling company and tried to sell what was left of it for scrap. Guess they didn’t think that a couple of 20 somethings trying to sell a 15 ton metal bridge would arouse any suspicions. It did. The recycler called the cops and our bozos were placed under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from our Bozo Lonely Hearts Club. From Lake Wales, Florida, comes the story of bozo Hanna Brown who was upset that her boyfriend had taken up with a new girl. After thinking long and hard about what to do, she fired up her 1996 Dodge Neon and headed over to his house. So she walked up to the door and demanded to talk to him? Nope. Maybe called him on the cell phone and asked him to come outside? No way. Rammed the Dodge into the boyfriends house five times, crashing into the girlfriends car in the process before driving away when the cops showed up? Yep. The amazing thing is the Neon was still running. She’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Roswell, New Mexico where bozo Anna Davis was new in town and wasn’t sure where to find some marijuana. So, she did what any bozo would do…she placed an ad "looking for Mary Jane" on Craig’s list. Not surprisingly, this attracted a lot of attention, including a response from the local cops. They set up a "buy" in a local parking lot and our bozo was placed under arrest.
Based on recent Bozo Criminal activity, it would appear Facebook is one of the most effective crime fighting programs ever invented. From Albuquerque, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Oscar Gonzalez who broke into a home and stole several items. Unfortunately, he left behind his cell phone. And even more unfortunately, the cell phone’s Facebook app led the cops directly to our bozo. And to add to his woes, when the cops came to arrest him, he fired six shots at them…from a BB gun. He’s in jail.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. Bozo Kelly Sawyer of Binghamton, New York just loves doggies. That in itself, of course is not a crime. But, there were, as we say, incriminating circumstances. It seems our bozo was attracted to K-9 officer Tarah, who was on patrol with his handler. When our bozo leaned over to pet Tarah, the dog detected the smell of marijuana and alerted the officer. Oops. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Carlsbad, New Mexico, where bozo Benito Ramero got into a scuffle with his ex-wife, allegedly hitting her and pulling her hair. Police were called and the fight was broken up. It was then that our bozo revealed the reason for the fight. She had failed to "like" a comment he made on Facebook. He’s under arrest.