Bozo criminal for today from San Diego, California violated Bozo Rule Number #87234: To be a successful burglar, it’s best to try to be inconspicuous. Our bozo for today broke into a church and got away with electronics, musical instruments and other items. His getaway was foiled when the cops noticed him as he was leaving the church. And he was very easy to notice. Our bozo burglar was clad in a white t-shirt, a tutu and purple stockings. With no underwear. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today for today comes from Tyrone, Pennsylvania, where bozo Gerald Downs who was pulled over by the cops for driving without his headlights on. Our bozo replied, "Thanks, buddy!" and offered the officer a "high five". Bad idea. The officer then ordered our bozo out of the car, and administered a field sobriety test which our bozo promptly failed. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Las Cruces, New Mexico. Bozo Alan Goff and two lady friends dined at the local Applebee’s and then did the old "dine and dash", leaving without paying their bill. Which wouldn’t have been a good idea under any circumstance, but was especially bad on this particular day, which happened to be "Tip a Cop" day at Applebee’s. During this event, the wait staff was replaced by local police officers who served patrons to raise money for the Special Olympics. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Our unidentified teenage bozo wanted to break into a residence and he thought he had come up with an easy way to to just that. He would reach his arm through the door’s mail slot and would then unlock the door from the inside. Not the best idea. He got his arm partially inside before it got stuck. Stuck so tight he couldn’t get it out no matter what he did. Police passing by noticed our bozo’s predicament and called the fire department who had to completely dismantle the door before our bozo could be freed, and arrested.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Ridge Manor, Florida. It seems a couple left their cellphones in an unlocked car only to find them gone when they returned a short time later. Fortunately, one of them was an iPhone and the cops were able to use the phone’s GPS tracking device to lead them to a nearby residence. The cops questioned a man and his grandson, who he said had only returned home a few minutes earlier. The boy adamantly denied taking the phones. Then, someone called the iPhone and a ringing sound was heard coming from the boy’s closet. He then admitted taking the iPhone, but denied taking the other one, a BlackBerry. And, as he was denying the theft, a ringing sound came from one of the boy’s shoes, also stuffed into the closet. He’s busted!
Our bozo criminal for today from Gastonia, North Carolina, obviously knew that a pinch of smokeless tobacco should be placed between the cheek and gum. But it seems he may be a bit confused about which cheek we’re talking about here. Bozo Ashton Bowen was returning to jail from work release when two officers searched him. The cops found two bags of wintergreen smokeless tobacco hidden between his buttocks. Ick. He’s been charged with being an inmate in possession of tobacco.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Chamblee, Georgia, where bozo Trevor Green walked into a bank and handed the teller a note demanding cash. The teller, protected by bullet-resistant glass, read the note and fled. Our bozo, seeing that things weren’t going the way he had planned, left the bank and hailed a cab. When the cabbie told him he would have to pay in cash, he did what any bozo would do. He went back inside the bank to withdraw money from his personal account for the cab ride home. He instead got a free ride to jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where bozo Jose Alvarez needed a job. So, he decided to go knocking on doors looking for employment. But, being a bozo, he made a couple of mistakes. First, he didn’t exactly "dress for success." In fact, he didn’t bother to dress at all. Yep, he walked in and asked for a job totally naked. And, the place he applied at isn’t exactly a good place to be sans clothing. He applied for work at a welding shop. After he owner told him he had no job openings, our bozo kept hanging around (no pun intended) and the cops were called. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Madrid, Spain where hooded thieves crashed their van into a armored car warehouse vault and grabbed sacks of loot, including money, diamonds and watches. They then loaded the stuff into their waiting getaway car. But, in their haste to make their escape, they crashed the getaway car as they were merging onto the freeway. Undeterred, our bozos quickly carjacked another vehicle and continued on their way. Unfortunately, they continued on without their loot, which was left behind in the back seat of the wrecked vehicle. Oops.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Miami, Florida. Police were called to a report of a car break-in. When they arrived, they found our bozo still inside the car, looking very confused. When they ordered him out of the car, he said he couldn’t because the driver side door was locked and he couldn’t unlock it. The cops then informed him that cars have TWO doors, and the passenger side door was not locked. Duh. He’s been charged with automobile burglary.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Oakland, California, where bozo Paul Harper wanted to smuggle some marijuana on to his commercial airline flight. So, he came up with what he thought was a great plan. He would hide the pot inside a jar of Skippy peanut butter, which he would then place into his luggage. This might have been a good idea except for one thing. Peanut butter is on the list of substances banned from flights under aviation security rules. Oops. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Altoona, Pennsylvania, where bozo Mateen Jacobs hit the jackpot, winning $2500 playing blackjack at a casino near Philadelphia. So, why does this land him in our bozo criminal report? For the simple reason that he was a wanted man, with several outstanding drug charges on the books. When he went to claim his money, he had to produce an ID and he was busted. And, even after being arrested, he tried to play it cool, telling the officers that he knew he was going to be arrested soon and he had only visited the casino to win enough money to make bail.
Our bozo for today once again proves the adage that the dog is not the bozo’s best friend. From the International File in Asuncion, Paraguay, comes the story of three prison inmates who thought they had come up with the perfect escape plan. They dug a tunnel about 26 feet from their cell to an area just outside prison walls. Just as they burst forth from underground, guess who happened to be passing by? Right, a stray dog who immediately began barking loudly. The dog made enough racket that a guard on the southern edge of the prison noticed what was going on and nabbed them before they were able to make their getaway. Good doggie!
Bozo criminals for today from Lawrenceville, Georgia thought they had come up with a sure-fire money making scheme. They would sell fake Nike Air Jordan shoes for a big profit. After loading 78 pair into the trunk of their car, they headed down Interstate 85 northeast of Atlanta. Their problems began when a state trooper pulled them over for speeding. Their problems got worse when he checked their trunk and discovered something strange about the Nike Air Jordans. It seems the image of Michael on the shoes had six fingers on his hand. Oops. They’re busted!
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk James Sutter for sending in today’s report. From Ambridge, Pennsylvania, comes the story of bozo Frank Thompson who was a passenger in a car that was pulled over after a patrolman noticed it was being driven erratically. Now, most people who are riding shotgun in such a situation would know enough to keep quiet, but keep in mind we’re dealing with a bozo here. As the officer tried to talk to the driver, our bozo kept mumbling aloud. When the officer tried to quiet him down, he started struggling, resulting in his being zapped with a stun gun. And that’s when the reason for his mumbling became apparent. Out of his mouth flew 23 individually wrapped pieces of crack cocaine. He’s busted!
Bozo criminal for today comes from Evanston, Wyoming, where bozo Richard Vail was on the run from the cops, wanted for violating parole on a murder and escape conviction in Georgia. When he ran out of gas, he did what any bozo would do, he called the local sheriff’s department for roadside assistance. Bad idea. Even though he was in Wyoming, his Georgia warrant still showed up in the computers. Oops. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Rochester, New York, comes the story of Bozo graffiti artist Oliver Green, who tagged a bridge with disparaging remarks about President Obama. City crews removed the graffiti, only to have it return a few days later. They removed it again, and again it returned. The process happened three more times before the cops decided it might be a good idea to stake out the bridge. And, lo and behold, the cops noticed a car with anti-Obama slogans painted all over it approaching the bridge. Yep, it was our bozo returning to the scene of the crime once again. He’s busted!
Our bozo for today comes from Port St. Lucie, Florida, where Maureen Rhoades was pulled over after an officer saw her driving erratically. After noticing she smelled of alcohol and seeing an empty glass in the street, the officer ordered her out of the car to take a field sobriety test. It was her response to his request that landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. She told the officer she couldn’t take the test because her "big boobies" made her unstable. That’s not an acceptable excuse. She was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Letcher County, Kentucky, where bozo Andrew Tarver broke into a supermarket. This alone would not necessarily qualify as bozo activity. It was what he was wearing that landed him the the Bozo Hall of Fame. When the cops arrived, they found our bozo inside, wearing only a pair of black boots, with his entire body covered in peanut butter and chocolate. Sort of a Bozo Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup. Police said our bozo had apparently seen the error of his ways, as he had written the word "Sorry" on the floor in Nyquil. He’s been charged with burglary, criminal mischief and indecent exposure.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Stock Island, Florida. Bozo Eli Ellis forgot very important Bozo Rule Number 22375: A bank robber’s mask should cover his face. Our bozo placed a pair of shorts on his head, apparently planning to pull them down over his face when he entered the bank. Unfortunately, he forgot to do so, and when he walked up to the teller, his face was in full view, as were the shorts on the top of his head. The teller didn’t understand his request for money and when she asked him to repeat it, he simply said "Nevermind" and walked out of the bank. The cops were called and our bozo was quickly apprehended, after attempting to flee the scene on his bicycle.