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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Paula Keiser for sending in today’s report from Wichita, Kansas. It seems a homeowner returned home and surprised two bozo burglars who were inside stealing electronic items. The bozos quickly fled on foot, which would probably have been a good idea except for the fact that they had arrived in a vehicle. Yep, they ran away, leaving their getaway car behind. And to further complicate matters, one of the bozos returned a short time later and drove the car back to her apartment. Unfortunately for her, the cops followed her home and found the stolen items inside the apartment. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, where our unidentified bozo needed some new clothes. So, he did what any bozo would do, he looked around until he saw a clothes line with some nice, freshly washed clothes on it. But instead of simply grabbing the clothes off the line and running away, our bozo took off his own clothes and put on the new ones, right there on the spot. Unfortunately for him, he was spotted by the homeowner who yelled at him to stop. Not only did our bozo stop, he took off the new clothes he had put on and got dressed again in his old dirty ones. However, he forgot one crucial piece of evidence. He had already placed his wallet and ID in the new clothes. And he forgot to remove them when he put his old clothes back on. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the seldom seen four-legged file. Sherwood, Arkansas cops were called to a report of a bull running loose in a neighborhood. When they arrived, they saw a man slapping and trying to guide the bull. As the patrol car drew nearer, the animal reared up and pinned the man against the vehicle. It was then that things took a rather nasty turn. The confused bull, according to the deputy’s report, “tried to mate” with the man and the car. Fortunately the bull quickly became distracted by a passing truck and took off after it. Eventually the bull was caught and returned home. The patrol car suffered minor damage. The man probably suffered emotional damage. No word on whether assault charges will be filed against the bull.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Walton Beach, Florida, where police were called to a bar to investigate a report of a drug dealer on the premises. They quickly narrowed down their search to bozo Herminio Rodriguez, who adamantly denied that he was dealing drugs. And to prove his innocence to the cops, he turned his pants pockets inside out to show that they were indeed empty. Except that they weren’t. When he pulled out his pockets, a bag of cocaine fell to the floor. Oops. He’s busted!

The extreme heat around much of the country continues to bring out the worst in our bozos, an example being today’s story from Belleville, Illinois. Sweltering in triple digit temperatures, our bozo couple decided the best way to cool off was to take a dip in a swimming pool. Sounds like a good idea, except for three crucial mistakes. Number one, it wasn’t their pool, and the neighbor who did own the pool didn’t like it. Number two, they forgot their bathing suits and jumped in totally naked. And number three, it was 11:30 in the morning and the pool and its naked intruders were in full view of neighborhood children. And with that third strike, they were placed under arrest.

Our bozo for today from Peoria Arizona may be a criminal in the eyes of the law but we can certainly sympathize with his actions. Peoria police were called to a band camp where 52 Peoria high school students were practicing until late in the evening. According to reports, our unidentified bozo got out of his vehicle waving a gun and yelled at the students, “Stop making noise! Morning and afternoon is OK, but nighttime is not.” He then then got back into his car and left. Police are still looking for our bozo. No word on whether evening practices have been curtailed.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Port Orange, Florida, where bozo John Parker accidentally shot himself in the hand. After receiving treatment at the hospital, our bozo and his wife invited police officers to come to their home to show them how to “safely unload and store” his guns. Sounds like a good idea, except for one tiny detail. On the second floor of his home was a large marijuana growing operation, with 46 plants. Our bozo attempted to throw his wife under the bus, saying he never went up to the second floor and it was solely her operation. The cops didn’t buy this excuse and both our bozo and his wife were busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wentworth, North Carolina, where bozo Rodney Warren was due to be released from jail after serving his time on a misdemeanor charge. When it came time to go, our bozo said he wasn’t leaving unless the cops gave him a ride to a motel. After they informed him the police department wasn’t running a taxi service, he again refused to leave. If he really wanted to stay, he got his wish. He’s still in jail, with new second degree trespassing charges against him.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Coventry, Connecticut. It seems bozo David Carlton was out for a little drive when he came upon a police DUI checkpoint. Which might not have been a problem except for one thing. Our bozo was drinking a beer at the time. And he took a swig of it as an officer approached his car to ask for his drivers license. Bad idea. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Belleville, Illinois, where bozo Shannon White called 911 to report a problem. Or at least she considered it a problem. The cops might not agree. When asked what her emergency was, our bozo told the operator that her boyfriend was hogging all the beer and wouldn’t give her any. Uh, OK. She’s been arrested and charged with disorderly conduct and false use of 911.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report form Orchard Park, New York. It seems our unnamed bozo called the cops to report that his truck had been stolen. Nothing wrong with that. It was just that our bozo gave the cops a little too much information. He told them he had been smoking crack cocaine with a prostitute when he gave her $200 and the keys to his truck and told her to go get more drugs. That was the last he saw of her. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Milford, Connecticut, where three bozo drug dealers checked out of their hotel room, leaving behind a little something. Actually, a lot of something…$50,000 worth of heroin to be exact. Employees found the drugs and called the cops, who were investigating when our bozos returned and asked if they could rent the same room again. Busted! They’re now checked into the county hotel.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Greg Peet for sending in today’s report from Battle Creek, Michigan. Police were called to Maynard Lake after a fisherman reported seeing a vehicle drive into the lake. Upon arrival, the cops discovered a pickup truck submerged to the door handles and a very wet bozo nearby. It was when the cops questioned him that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the police that he drove the truck into the lake because his dogs were hot and he wanted to cool them down. And besides, he added, the truck needed washing. He’s been charged with DUI.

Our bozo criminal for today is not a criminal, but certainly qualifies as a bozo. From Akron, Ohio, comes the story of bozo Chrissy Lang, a single mom and university student, who has taken to panhandling at a busy intersection on recent days. It’s what she’s panhandling for that landed her in the Bozo Report. Our bozo’s sign says, “Not Homeless. Need Boobs.” Yep, she’s asking for donations so she can get her boobs done. Local residents are upset at her request, but police say she’s not doing anything wrong.

In the non-bozo world, success breeds success, but for bozos success sometimes breeds arrests. From Nashua, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozos Louis Caldwell and Raymond Watkins, who walked into a Wendy’s, holding their hands in their pockets as if they were armed, and demanded cash. The clerk gave them money, and, flush with their newfound success, instead of fleeing, they decided to try the same approach at the McDonalds next door. Bad idea. Wendy’s employees called the cops who arrived just in time to find our bozos exiting the McDonalds. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Glendora, California, where the cops were investigating Dr. Rodrigo Lopez on suspicions that he was illegally prescribing prescription medications to drug addicts. So, they set up a little sting. An officer came in and complained of back pain, even bringing in an x-ray as evidence. The doc took a look at the x-ray and asked if she wanted Vicodin, oxycodone, Valium, or Zanax for relief. Instead of taking her prescription, the officer placed the good doctor under arrest. And how did she know he was a quack? It was the x-ray, which was of her German Shepherd and which clearly showed the dog’s tail. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Charleston, South Carolina, where police were called to the downtown area around 2 a.m. after a report of a disturbance. When the police arrived, they were surprised to find bozos Christopher Ellis and Anthony Dunn strolling around “completely in the nude.” One of our bozos was carrying his cell phone and the other had a sack which contained their clothes. And as for their reason for taking the au naturale stroll? They said they “thought it would be fun.” Hope they enjoyed themselves. They’ve been charged with indecent exposure.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bruck An Der Leitha, Austria, where police were called to a report of a break in at a bank. Investigating officers discovered a locked door that had apparently been forced open, with marks and dirt on the door. Inside, the police found more dirt and more scuff marks. Several things had been overturned inside the bank but nothing appeared to be missing. The officers then decided to review the CCTV tapes and were quickly able to identify the culprit. A large wild boar. Police say he will be arrested if he returns to the scene of the crime.

Today we have the first ever case of a bozo foiled by….window blinds! From Albuquerque, New Mexico, comes the story of bozo Thomas Morton, who apparently had broken into Central New Mexico Community College. Police responding to a report of a burglary in progress arrived to find our bozo hopelessly entangled in some window blinds. It would seem he was trying to make his escape through a window when, somehow, he became caught in the window coverings. The cops freed him from the mean old blinds and placed him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Richard Boyle for sending in today’s report from the International File in Portsmouth, England. Bozo Michael Reed was on trial for assault and he was allowed to return home at night. The trial had drug on for some time and our bozo was feeling confident. So confident, in fact, that he posted on his Facebook that he thought he “was going to get away with it.” Bad idea. The messages were forwarded to the judge. Upon being confronted with this new “evidence” he promptly changed his plea to guilty.