Monthly Archives: April 2025

Bozo criminal for today comes from Monroe, Louisiana, where the cops were called to a residence on a report of domestic battery. Upon arrival, the cops found our victim, the wife, with food splattered on her and a lump on the back of her head. She testified that her husband of 34 years, the bozo, had thrown the food and a metal spoon during an argument with the spoon causing the lump on her head. Pretty simple case. Our bozo was being read his rights and handcuffed when he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He stated that, in Louisiana, it was not illegal to throw food items at your wife. Excuse denied. Busted! And sent to jail on charges of domestic abuse battery.

Another week, and another story about a bozo and a Tesla…are we starting to see a pattern here? Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tampa, Florida, where bozo Dexter Hayes went to the local Tesla dealership to test drive a Cybertruck. After filling out the paperwork and giving them his drivers license, our bozo took the truck for a spin. And never came back. Repeated phone calls and emails got no response but the truck’s geolocation tracking enabled the sales person to track him down. He was inside Home Depot with the truck left in the parking lot. The salesperson recovered the truck and reported the incident to the police. End of story, right? Wrong. The next day our bozo returned to the dealership, irate, and wanting to get back his belongings that he left behind in the truck. The cops were called and, while searching our bozo, they found five credit/bank cards in the name of five different people. Busted! Charged with grand theft of more than $100,000 and unlawful possession of personal identification.

With all the news in recent days of Teslas being vandalized, you know it was only a matter of time before one of the incidents involved a Bozo. Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ron Ruth for sending in today’s report from Doylestown Township, Pennslyvania. It seems bozo Charles Rucker pulled his Lexus up next to a parked Tesla and proceeded to scratch a swastika into the vehicle. A couple of problems here. First, as most everyone knows by now, Teslas are equipped with on board cameras that record anytime someone is messing with the car. And second, after doing the scratch job, instead of driving away, our bozo walked into Planet Fitness to get in his workout, scanning his membership card in the process. Oops. Busted! Charged with misdemeanor counts of criminal mischief and harassment, and two counts of summary harassment and disorderly conduct.