Monthly Archives: February 2025

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Cartagena, Columbia, where customs officers have seen just about everything, but this was, well, unique. Officers were keeping an eye on the scanner as passengers were boarding the plane from Columbia to Amsterdam when they noticed something strange about our bozo. It was his head, specifically the top of his head. It tooked kind of… lumpy. He was quickly pulled aside and the lumps were found to be $10,000 worth of cocaine that he had tried to stash under his toupee. Busted! Charged with drug trafficking

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mankato, Minnesota, where police were investigating a van that was reportedly stolen and then sold for parts. In the course of the the investigation, our bozo, Vanessa Gonzalez, turned up as the leading suspect, even being ID-ed by workers at the auto salvage business where she allegedly sold the stolen vehicle. But she was sticking to her story that she had nothing to do with the theft, until an officer turned up her diary. Yep, apparently people still keep diaries. And in that diary, on the date the van was stolen, she had written “Totally stole a car today!” Oops. Busted! Charged with theft of a motor vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Carlisle, Cumbria, England. Bozo Brian Helms was caught on CCTV breaking into a van, where he and an accomplice stole a nailgun, cordless drill and charger. Their crime spree continued down the street where they broke into a Ford Focus and grabbed a silver ring. But wait, there’s more. A couple of miles down the road they stole a wooden wishing well off a doorstep before dumping it on a nearby street. They then attempted to use a garden chair to climb up and break into a nearby home but failed to gain access. Video footage alone would probably have been enough to have our bozo placed under arrest, but there was one more thing…and this is what landed him on the bozo report. Somewhere along the way he stepped in dog poo and left a footprint. And he was still wearing those shoes, with dog poo attached, when the cops grabbed him. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wildwood, Florida, where bozo Oquavious Davis was enjoying a bologna sandwich while having fun on his PlayStation 5. Unfortunately, one man’s fun, especially if he’s making too much racket, can lead to problems. Such was the case with Oquavious’s stepfather, in whose house our bozo was staying in while on probation. Stepdad asked our bozo to keep the noise down and one thing led to another, culminating in our bozo hurling his bologna sandwich at his stepdad, hitting him in the chest. The cops were called and while the victim “had no visible injuries” from the meat missile, he had somehow managed to record the whole incident on his cell phone. What would have normally been a misdemeanor domestic incident was upgraded to a felony due to our bozo’s prior battery convictions, both of which involved video games. Maybe he should take up something calmer, like Hacky Sack.