Yearly Archives: 2025

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Cartagena, Columbia, where customs officers have seen just about everything, but this was, well, unique. Officers were keeping an eye on the scanner as passengers were boarding the plane from Columbia to Amsterdam when they noticed something strange about our bozo. It was his head, specifically the top of his head. It tooked kind of… lumpy. He was quickly pulled aside and the lumps were found to be $10,000 worth of cocaine that he had tried to stash under his toupee. Busted! Charged with drug trafficking

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mankato, Minnesota, where police were investigating a van that was reportedly stolen and then sold for parts. In the course of the the investigation, our bozo, Vanessa Gonzalez, turned up as the leading suspect, even being ID-ed by workers at the auto salvage business where she allegedly sold the stolen vehicle. But she was sticking to her story that she had nothing to do with the theft, until an officer turned up her diary. Yep, apparently people still keep diaries. And in that diary, on the date the van was stolen, she had written “Totally stole a car today!” Oops. Busted! Charged with theft of a motor vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Carlisle, Cumbria, England. Bozo Brian Helms was caught on CCTV breaking into a van, where he and an accomplice stole a nailgun, cordless drill and charger. Their crime spree continued down the street where they broke into a Ford Focus and grabbed a silver ring. But wait, there’s more. A couple of miles down the road they stole a wooden wishing well off a doorstep before dumping it on a nearby street. They then attempted to use a garden chair to climb up and break into a nearby home but failed to gain access. Video footage alone would probably have been enough to have our bozo placed under arrest, but there was one more thing…and this is what landed him on the bozo report. Somewhere along the way he stepped in dog poo and left a footprint. And he was still wearing those shoes, with dog poo attached, when the cops grabbed him. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wildwood, Florida, where bozo Oquavious Davis was enjoying a bologna sandwich while having fun on his PlayStation 5. Unfortunately, one man’s fun, especially if he’s making too much racket, can lead to problems. Such was the case with Oquavious’s stepfather, in whose house our bozo was staying in while on probation. Stepdad asked our bozo to keep the noise down and one thing led to another, culminating in our bozo hurling his bologna sandwich at his stepdad, hitting him in the chest. The cops were called and while the victim “had no visible injuries” from the meat missile, he had somehow managed to record the whole incident on his cell phone. What would have normally been a misdemeanor domestic incident was upgraded to a felony due to our bozo’s prior battery convictions, both of which involved video games. Maybe he should take up something calmer, like Hacky Sack.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Craig Sullivan for sending in today’s report from Bullhead City, Arizona. It seems there had been a couple of bank robberies in town recently, leading to the release of surveillance photos from the heists. The photos were pretty clear, too, and even included a picture of the robber’s getaway truck. And to help with the investigation a $1000 reward was being offered for information leading to the arrest of the suspect. Pretty much straightforward stuff, and then the true bozo nature of the suspect was revealed. It seems a concerned citizen had recognized our bozo robber from the photos that had been made public and, as luck would have it, he happened to encounter said bozo. We’re not exactly sure what happened next, but it would seem the concerned citizen called the robber out and even pointed a gun at him. Well, this was just too much for our bozo to take. He fled the scene and went straight to police headquarters. No, not to turn himself in, but instead to complain to the cops that someone had the NERVE to accuse him of being a bank robber and had threatened him with a gun. Bad, bad idea. The cops recognized him as well and executed a search warrant on his vehicle. His truck contained all of the clothing, including the sunglasses, hat and masks, that matched what he wore during the robberies. Detectives also discovered the notes he had used to demand money from the bank tellers. Busted! And booked into jail on two bank robbery charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Los Angeles, California. It would seem we have our first ever violation of Bozo Rule #987767 which states: You can’t carjack a driverless car. In case you don’t know, LA has several driverless Waymo robotaxis prowling the streets. Our bozo hopped in and attempted to commandeer the vehicle but he was thwarted by remote technicians who disabled the car. Stumped by this technology, our bozo seemingly didn’t know what to do and remained inside. Maybe he was threatening to yank out the computer’s chips. Anyway, he stayed in the car until police arrived in riot gear. He was removed and placed under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island, British Columbia, Canada. On New Year’s Eve around 5:30 p.m., police received a report of a possible drunken driver. When the cops arrived they found not one, but two vehicles stopped on the side of the road. Apparently our bozo had decided to take matters into his own hands and was instructing the alleged drunken driver to go no further. Officers determined the first driver to be sober and merely having trouble driving in the dark. Our bozo on the other hand was found to be intoxicated and was arrested. His car was impounded for 30 days and he was prohibited from driving for 90 days. And maybe the judge should have issued a Mind Your Own Business order also.