Yearly Archives: 2025

Bozo criminal for today comes from Key West, Florida, where tourists were enjoying a ride on the Conch Tour Train when our disheveled looking bozo approached the driver. He must have been a smooth talker, as he convinced the driver that he used to work for the bus company and wanted a tour of the train. The conversation escalated and before you know it, our bozo had taken the keys from the driver took the bus on a spin around Key West, even making a couple of stops to pick up new passengers. Cops were called and were able to use the GPS on board the bus to track it down. Did we mention that our bozo left his truck running in the parking lot of the depot blasting loud rock music? And that he told the cops he was just celebrating his birthday and had only “borrowed” the train. Sorry, you’re busted! Charged with grand theft, burglary and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lakeway, Texas, where the local police had set up an undercover stakeout, hoping to catch a car thief known to be operating in the area. The bait was set, a nice unmarked car parked close to where our bozo had nabbed a car before. Like flies to, well, you know, our bozo was quickly drawn to the car. Guess he didn’t notice it was occupied by a cop before he tried to jack it. He tried to flee on foot but was quickly apprehended. Further investigation determined he was already in possession of one stolen car when he tried to steal this one. Busted! Charged with attempted theft of a motor vehicle and possession of a stolen vehicle.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for bringing us today’s report which features another bozo foiled by modern technology. It seems our homeowner in the Florida city of Lutz was sleeping peacefully the other night when he was awakened by a clatter in his backyard. Going out to investigate, he discovered a drone had crashed near his pack porch. He picked up the unmanned aircraft and took it inside whereupon he discovered a brown bag attached to the thing. Inside the bag were what appeared to be drugs, which prompted a quick call to the cops. While waiting for the cops to arrive, the homeowner’s security cam captured a man with a flashlight knocking on the front door. Yep, this is our bozo. He was still in the front yard when the cops pulled up and he tried to play it cool. He told the police he was “out flying his drone” and he thought it had crashed in the backyard of the residence. Bad idea, pal. You just claimed ownership of a drone that was delivering what turned out to be baggies of methamphetamine and fentanyl. Busted! Charged with possession of a controlled substance with intent to sell or deliver, driving with license cancelled or revoked, operating unregistered vehicle, and out of county warrant, failure to appear. He’s being held in jail without bond.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Livingston, Louisiana, where bozo Lisa Caldwell was released from lockup and found herself in the jail parking lot with no means of transportation. So, she did what any bozo would do, she attempted to steal an unmarked patrol car. Failing at this attempt, but undeterred, she then climbed into a public works truck and drove off. After a while, she ditched the truck and hitched a ride with someone along State Highway 63. Clean getaway, right? Wrong. She left her discharge papers inside the stolen truck. Oops. Cops caught up with her a short time later after responding to a suspicious person call outside a grocery store. Busted! Charged with theft of a vehicle and attempted theft of a vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where police received a strange call concerning a disturbance at Rockwell Park. It seems the doors to the restrooms in the park’s pavilion automatically lock at 10pm, which usually doesn’t cause any problem since the doors can be opened from the inside should someone get locked in. However, the someone who got locked in this time was a park visitor’s dog. We’re not sure what he was doing in the restroom but we do know his owner was very upset. Upset enough that the climbed up on the roof and tried to slither down the chimney to rescue him. You probably know where this is going…He didn’t make it very far before he found himself stuck. Stuck tight enough that the fire department rescue team had to dismantle parts of the chimney and building to get him out. Our bozo dog rescuer, who was not injured, was arrested and charged with burglary, trespassing and criminal mischief. One bright spot. The dog is fine.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Tallahassee, Florida. Police were working a case of credit card theft where the victim said fraudulent charges started showing up on her card after a trip to Chuck E. Cheese in June. Using video evidence, cops were able to identify the potential thief and headed to the restaurant to confront him. And that’s when things got really interesting. The officer asked someone working the front door at Chuck’s if they could point our bozo out to him. “Right over there,” she said, pointing at Chuck E. Cheese himself. Yep, that was our bozo, wearing the mouse outfit. He was placed under arrest, handcuffed and marched to the patrol car while still wearing his full costume. He’s being served cheese and crackers in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Internal Affairs division and we’ll leave it up to you to decide who the ultimate Bozo is in this case. It seems our bozo was arrested in New York after stripping off all his clothes and allegedly stealing a boat, which he then took for a joyride down the Hudson River. He was quickly apprehended by the cops and was taken to New York Presbyterian Hospital for a psychiatric evaluation. Here’s where it gets interesting. He somehow slipped out of his handcuffs and slipped into a doctor’s coat and pants. He then walked barefoot past the sleeping guard at his door and out the front door of the hospital. Sleeping beauty has been suspended and the search is on for our suspect.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Richmond Heights, Ohio. It seems two women, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, decided it would be fun to climb aboard an unoccupied police car and do a little twerking. Harmless fun, right? And no one’s around, so who’s going to know? Well the answer is no to the first question and everyone to the second. What our bozos forgot is that most police cars come equipped with dashboard cameras that record motion around the car. The cops were able to send to very clear facial shots from the video to a place that utilizes a facial recognition software called Clearview AI. The software accesses social media accounts and other databases to confirm identities. Busted! Arrest warrants issued for damaging police property.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Palm Coast, Florida where our bozo devised a not so well thought out plan for robbing the local Lowes home improvement center. He made his way through the store, collecting about $1500 worth of merchandise which he hoped to get away with without paying. Lowe’s employees noticed him acting strangely and called the cops. This led to our bozo heading out the front door and ditching the items. To his waiting getaway car, right? Wrong. He had no getaway car. So, what to do? Well, there was a UPS truck pulling out of the parking lot. Our bozo hopped on board and proceeded to sit down for the ride on the back bumper of the truck. It goes without saying that a guy reclining on the back bumper of a UPS truck is going to attract some attention. Another motorist notified the driver who ordered our bozo off the bumper. The cops were called and confirmed that our wayward passenger was indeed our shoplifter. Busted! Charged with a shoplifting-grand theft charge.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Only in Texas file. Our bozo was involved in an accident with a semitruck on the very busy I-45 near downtown Houston. We’re not sure of all the details, but after the accident the 64-year-old woman apparently exited her car with a gun and a folding chair. She then planted her chair right in the middle of the southbound lanes of the busy freeway, refusing to budge even as traffic whizzed by her. Police quickly shut down both northbound and southbound lanes of the freeway while negotiations ensued. After five hours she folded up her chair and was taken into custody. She’s been taken to a hospital for further evaluation.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York. Bozo Ronald Nations had his rental truck loaded with 78 pounds of marijuana and was using his phone’s maps for guidance when he was instructed to turn left onto the Peace Bridge. As you may be aware, the Peace Bridge is a major US/Canada border crossing. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo attempted to turn around and return to the US. Bad idea. His actions attracted the attention of the border guards who did a quick inspection and found the $230,000 worth of pot. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Coweta County, Georgia, where bozo Aleena Simpson was getting anxious about the $400 in probation fees she owed to the county court. After thinking through her options, she came up with a bozo solution: Steal debit card information from a customer who came through the drive-thru she worked at the local Whataburger. What could go wrong with that? A lot, apparently. The customer noticed the $400 charge and contacted authorities. Using the court information, the cops tracked down our bozo and the victim picked her out of a lineup as the worker who took his card payment and then disappeared for a couple of minutes. Busted! But the story doesn’t end there. She’s a little more clever than expected. After agreeing to turn herself in, our bozo disappeared. Attempts are still being made to track her down.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Yavapai County, Arizona, where the cops received a call about a possible DUI driver. While looking for the suspect an officer encountered a car that had run off the roadway, striking a guardrail and was blocking traffic. Yep, we’ve found our bozo. As the officer approached, he noticed the driver in a bit of distress. Further investigation found his finger stuck in a can of White Claw hard seltzer. And his response when asked how he was doing? “Totally perfect.” Well probably not. Busted! And charged with DUI and criminal damage against public works.

Bozo criminal for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 909092: Stay away from those flaming hot chips if you’re on probation. It seems Bozo Darren Dotson, whose probation forbade consumption of alcohol, decided to enter the “Hot Chip Challenge” a contest where you see just how incendiary a chip you can consume. Apparently this challenge, which took place in a bar, was videoed and our bozo was seen taking a swig from a Corona after a particularly hot chip. Sorry, pal, you should have stuck with water. His probation officer was reviewing social media and spotted our bozo drinking the beer, which, along with being in a bar, was prohibited under the rules of his probation. Busted! Our bozo, who has previous convictions for dealing in stolen property; cocaine sales; grand theft; credit card fraud; heroin possession; cocaine possession; theft; burglary; and violating a domestic violence protection order is headed back to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Pococi, Costa Rica where guards spotted something suspicious just outside the walls of the Pococi Penitentiary. Further investigation determined that it was a would-be drug smuggler, wearing a make-shift backpack, attempting to scale the barbed wire fence surrounding the facility. Quick action by the guards resulted in the smuggler being captured and 236 grams of marijuana and 68 grams of heroin confiscated. The suspect offered up little resistance and was taken to a veterinarian for further examination. Whaaaa? Yep, our bozo drug mule was a cat with the contraband strapped to his back. Authorities say it seems the inmates were trying to lure the smuggler into the facility with food.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wichita, Kansas where bozo Gordon Palmer was a long time meth user. Long enough in fact, that he found himself in debt to his dealer to the tune of $20,000. The dealer had had enough and threatened to shoot him and his family if he didn’t come up with the money quick. And that’s when our bozo came up with this brilliant plan. In Riverside park there was a cannon on display from the civil war. Thinking he could sell the cannon for scrap, he set about to steal it. Enlisting he help of a homeless man who he bribed with drugs and a pipe, they set out to lift the cannon off its pedestal. Fail number one, that thing weighs over 800 pounds. On to the backup plan, wrap a chain around his Chevy Tahoe’s trailer hitch and drag it off. Initially things were working until that chain snapped. Right in the middle of the street. Fail number two. Undeterred, he left the cannon there and borrowed a new, stronger chain from a buddy of his. This chain did the job and the cannon was stashed in his friend’s garage. OK. What to do now? He offered the cannon to his dealer, telling him there was enough scrap copper in the cannon to pay off the debt. Nope, the dealer wanted cash. Fail number three. The next step was to try to sell the cannon to a scrap metal dealer himself. Only one problem. He needed a special license to sell the scrap. Fail number four. By this time the cops were tipped off as to what was going on and our bozo, who was now hiding at his mother’s house, was placed under arrest, charged with theft and damaging public property.

Bozo criminal for today was spotted walking around a Florida parking lot wearing a t-shirt with no pants, private parts dangling freely in the tropical breeze. And carrying two wine bottles and a can of beer. What’s that? Typical behavior in Florida, you say? Probably correct but our bozo ensured his place in the Bozo Hall of Shame by identifying himself to the local cops as “Charles Dickens.” After determining his real name, our well-read bozo was placed under arrest, charged with providing a false name to law enforcement, open container violations and indecent exposure.

Our bozo for today comes from the Internet Division. You may be familiar with the Only Fans site where many varieties of fantasies come true. Unfortunately for our bozo for today, trying to fulfill some of those fantasies caused her to fall into the long arms of the law. It seems our bozo, who goes by the name of “Kinki Kelli” on the site specializes in pee. Yep. And specifically peeing in public places. Her latest pee spree found her at the Marriott hotel in Keene, New Hampshire, where she sprayed the hotel’s room air conditioner unit, a comforter blanket, curtains and, gasp!, a bible. And since she posted her pee pix on her Only Fans site it wasn’t too difficult for the cops to track her down. She’s apparently a veteran at the art of peeing, too, as other pictures showed her doing the deed in a grocery store and a department store. Busted! On felony and misdemeanor charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where once again we have a bozo who has somehow managed to misplace his clothes. Police were called to a report of a disturbance at a local hotel at around 2:40 am. Didn’t take much investigation on this one, as when the cops arrived bozo Michael Thompson was standing naked near the front desk. Perhaps not wanting to place himself in a vulnerable position, our bozo refused a command to kneel and be handcuffed. The taser was brought out and he was taken into custody. Hotel employees said he was fully clothed when he burst in, before stripping down and demanding money. He’s been charged with first degree robbery.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Monroe, Louisiana, where the cops were called to a residence on a report of domestic battery. Upon arrival, the cops found our victim, the wife, with food splattered on her and a lump on the back of her head. She testified that her husband of 34 years, the bozo, had thrown the food and a metal spoon during an argument with the spoon causing the lump on her head. Pretty simple case. Our bozo was being read his rights and handcuffed when he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He stated that, in Louisiana, it was not illegal to throw food items at your wife. Excuse denied. Busted! And sent to jail on charges of domestic abuse battery.