Yearly Archives: 2024

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregory Lay for sending in today’s report from Cochise County, Arizona. It seems our bozo, fresh out of prison, took a liking to a truck driver stopped at the Love’s in Wilcox, Arizona. Or maybe what he really liked was the load the driver was hauling. A truckload of brand new Chevrolet Corvettes, valued at over $1,250,000. Anyway, he struck up a conversation with the driver and ended up grabbing him and throwing him out of the cab. He then took off down the highway with his load of ‘Vettes. Needless to say, this attracted the attention of local law enforcement and it wasn’t long before they had him pulled over. It was then he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that he didn’t really care about the Corvettes, he just needed a truck to get home as he had just been released from prison. Sure. He’s headed right back, charged with multiple felony charges, including robbery, 11 counts of theft of means of transportation and felony theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from the International File in London, England. In a classic case of self-arrest, our bozo dialed 999, the British equivalent of 911, and told the operator he’d had a rough weekend. He went on to say he was drunk and “didn’t know what he was doing.” Fortunately, he knew enough to pull over to the side of the road, where the police found him shortly thereafter. Busted! And charged with drunken driving.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Calgary, Alberta, Canada. Our bozo had a little start-up drug business outside a casino in Calgary and sales weren’t as good as he had hoped. So, he did what any bozo would do, he decided to advertise by handing out business cards…with a small baggie of cocaine attached to the back of the card. It didn’t take long before the cops got wind of his little operation and, since his phone number and contact information were right there on the card, he was pretty easy to track down. They found him in possession of 50 baggies of cocaine, a digital scale with drug residue, and $1280 in cash. Cops also seized a box of business cards with the name “Alex Lee.” Busted! Charged with possession of drugs with intent to distribute.

With Christmas behind us, we are now seeing stores stocked with items for upcoming holidays, and that ultimately led to the arrest of our bozo for today from Tarpon Springs, Florida. Apparently bozo John Richardson was in line to check out at the local Circle K when he suddenly became irate. As the cashier tried to complete the transaction, our bozo switched checkout lines and handed his money to another clerk. He then picked up a chocolate Easter egg and hurled it at the first cashier. But he wasn’t done, as he then jumped over the counter and continued to pummel the poor employee with the chocolate confection. Cops were called and Peter Cottontail was tracked down and arrested, charged with battery, and booked into the county jail.

Bozo criminal for today from Bangor, Maine, got a little chatty with his Uber driver. Ordinarily, this wouldn’t be a bad thing, but the subject matter was somewhat questionable. On the way to the local TJ Maxx, Bozo Kevin Garrison told the driver that he planned to rob the store when he got there. And, by the way, he had warrants out for his arrest. And, he had drugs on him, which he proved by showing them to the driver. The driver took it all in and called the cops when he dropped Mr. Chatty off. The cops arrived quickly, before he had a chance to pull off the heist. He was found to be in possession of drugs. It was also determined he had been arrested 12 times this year and had seven sets of pre-conviction bail prohibiting him from returning to multiple businesses due to theft charges at those stores. Busted! Charged with theft, refusal to submit to arrest, drug possession, and violation of conditions of release.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Lawrence, Indiana. Bozo Justin Carter pulled up to the Buffalo Wild Wings around closing time and tried to order some fried pickles. Upon being told that the kitchen was closed, our bozo told employees that he would “make it worth it” if they would get those pickles frying. Our bozo, who was wearing an ankle monitor as a result of a prior drug arrest, offered marijuana, cocaine, Ecstasy, and vape cartridges containing THC in exchange for said pickles. Employees said no deal and our bozo left, but not before leaving three small bags of marijuana, telling the manager to “Give those bags to the kids.” Cops were called and they tracked our bozo to the nearby Speedway gas station where he was busted. Charged with multiple felony and misdemeanor narcotics charges and booked into the county jail.

Our bozo for today from St. Petersburg, Florida, committed perhaps the most heinous holiday crime since Grandma got flattened by that reindeer. Cops were called to a residence on Christmas Eve on a report of domestic battery. The police found our victim recuperating on the couch with “numerous scratches on his upper body and arms.” It seems the man and his girlfriend got into an argument over infidelity when the woman picked up the family Christmas tree and began to give the man a holiday thrashing. Oh Tannenbaum indeed. She’s been charged with domestic battery and booked into jail and they both have been ordered to have no contact with each other. No word on the fate of the tree.