Monthly Archives: October 2024

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sandusky, Ohio, where bozo Robert Martin had a fun night on the town, hitting his favorite bars. Closing time came and he climbed into his car to head home. So far, so good. But somewhere along the way he must have taken a wrong turn and before you know it, he found himself hopelessly lost. And instead of pulling over and sleeping it off, he did what any bozo would do. He dialed 911 and asked for directions to his house. Bad idea. The dispatcher realized he was intoxicated and dispatched officers to his location. Busted! Charged with DUI.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Portland, Oregon, where the cops pulled Bozo Reginald Ross over for a routine traffic stop. Pretty quickly it became evident that this stop was anything but routine. A quick search of the car turned up a number of items, including a brown bag that said on it “Definitely Not a Bag Full of Drugs.” Oh, really? Obviously the bag was mis-labeled as the cops found inside a large amount of methamphetamine. Also inside the car were a loaded .357 handgun, as well as a bag of meth and $1,360 in cash. He additionally had pills that he told the officers were oxycontin and baggies commonly used for selling drugs. Busted! Our bozo and his friend face charges of drug possession, possession of a stolen vehicle and methamphetamine trafficking.

Bozo criminals for today attempted to take advantage of the recent hurricane damage in Florida. As Hurricane Helene was approaching, many areas of Madiera Beach were closed to public access. One of those areas was a strip center whose tenants included a realtor, a gift shop selling crystals and shark teeth, and a store selling Donald Trump merchandise. Now, if you are a couple of bozos and want to make a quick buck selling stolen merchandise, which place would you hit? If you guessed the Trump store, you’re right! They didn’t get far as one of our bozos just couldn’t resist wearing that nice Trump cowboy hat he had just pilfered. When the cops approached and asked what they were doing with all the Trump stuff, they offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. They told them it “washed up in the hurricane.” Sorry you’re busted! Charged with burglarizing an unoccupied structure, a felony, and loitering and prowling, a misdemeanor. They are each locked up in the county jail in lieu of $2500 bond and have been ordered by a judge to stay away from the Trump store.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Pawnee County, Oklahoma. Bozo Cody Alexander was scheduled to appear in court on charges of unauthorized use of a motor vehicle. One problem…he had no means of transportation to get to court. So he headed down to the local OnCue convenience store and began asking strangers if they could give him a lift. When he found no takers, his mind went into full Bozo mode. Looking around the parking lot, he spotted a Lifenet Emergency Medical Services vehicle that was left running and unattended. That was just too much to resist. He hopped in the truck and drove more than 30 miles to court. During the drive, the truck’s owners reported the vehicle as stolen, and, as luck would have it, a trooper just happened to be driving by the courthouse and noticed the truck parked outside. The officer went inside and our bozo was placed under arrest. But wait, the story doesn’t end there. The cop asked our bozo what time his court appearance was scheduled for and allowed him to wait comfortably in the cruiser until he was due to appear. He then walked him in, handcuffed. Not the best look.