Monthly Archives: September 2024

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Lawrence County, Missouri, which features a violation of Bozo Rule Number 22733: If you’re wanted, it’s a good idea to stay off social media. The Aurora and Marionville Police Police department asked for help from the public in tracking down our bozo, posting his name on their social media account and asking for anyone with information concerning his whereabouts to please come forward. And the first response to the post? None other than our bozo who said, “Aurora and Marionville Police Department What’s Up?” The cops responded and our bozo went back and forth with them on line, leading to his arrest for operating a vehicle without a valid license, three counts of resisting arrest for a felony, receiving stolen property, unlawful possession of a firearm, possession of controlled substances, first-degree burglary and stealing.

Bozo criminal for today comes from that hotbed of bozo activity, the state of Florida. Specifically, the city of Flagler. Police were called to the local Target after a manager reported our bozo had walked out of the store without paying for a $539 electric scooter. Now, if you were a bozo and you had just shoplifted an expensive scooter, what would you do? A. Hop into a waiting getaway car with you stolen merchandise. B. Run as fast as you can and get away from the scene. C. Sit down in front of the store and start assembling it so you can enjoy your new toy. If you selected “C”, congratulations, you show a keen understanding of the Bozo Mind. That’s exactly what he did. He was still working on it when the cops arrived and gave him a free ride to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ann Arbor, Michigan, where bozo Corey Hampton was scheduled to appear before the judge on a driving with a suspended license charge. The court had allowed his appearance to be by a Zoom call, so the judge was rather surprised when the first words out of our bozo’s mouth were, “Actually, I’m pulling into my doctor’s office … So just give me one second.” Yep, a guy who had his license suspended was driving while he checked in with the judge. Busted! He was ordered to report to the county jail by 6pm. And you can add a charge of holding a cell phone while driving, which is illegal in Michigan.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Citrus County, Florida, where Hurricane Debby recently caused damage. And also provided the Bozo Excuse of the Week, as we shall soon see. A sheriff’s department officer was on his way to inspect storm damage when he came upon our bozo. She was spinning her wheels at a stop light and, as she pulled away, he observed her driving erratically, continuously turning her emergency flashers on and off. He pulled her over and as he approached the car, he could smell alcohol. When she was unable to successfully walk a straight line in the field sobriety test, she offered up a unique excuse. She said the strong winds from the storm were interfering with her ability to walk. Well, that and the three empty shooters of alcohol, a can of beer and an unopened shooter that were on the front seat. Busted! She waited out the storm in jail.