Monthly Archives: June 2024

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where a citizen called to report the residence next door was on fire. And she knew exactly what had happened. She told the cops that our bozo showed up on her security camera approaching the property’s fence with a five-gallon gas can in hand. He jumped the fence and poured the gas around three vehicles that were parked in the driveway. So far so good. Then, he struck a match. The gas ignited the cars and quickly spread to the house, but unfortunately it also ignited our bozo. Video shows him hopping around trying to extinguish the flames before jumping the fence again and speeding away in a truck parked just down the street. To fill in the details, it was another case of love gone bad. The cars and residence belonged to his ex-girlfriend, who was not injured. Based on the video evidence, an arrest is pending.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Gregory Lay for sending in today’s report from Lakeland, Florida, which once again points out that Bozos and modern technology just don’t mix. Cops were called to a report of a disturbance at the Big Fish Bait and Tackle shop. Police determined that the cause of the disturbance was our bozo, who worked there, and was wanted on various charges including trafficking in stolen goods. At this time, however, our bozo was nowhere to be found. He was reported to have been seen entering the building but no one had seen him leave. A search turned up nothing. Where could he be? Fire rescue was called in and their FLIR camera, which can detect heat sources through walls, still turned up nothing. Officers were scratching their heads when the sound of a cell phone ringing began to echo through the ceiling. Moving the ceiling tiles out of the way, they spotted a hand sticking out of the insulation. Yep, he failed to put his phone on silent before going into hiding. Busted! Charged with Resisting an officer, felony criminal mischief (for causing about $1,000 on damage to his employer’s ceiling), multiple counts of violation of probation for burglary, providing false information to a pawnbroker, and trafficking in stolen property.

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Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Tampa, Florida, where this call was a first for the 911 operators. Bozo Christy Taylor dialed them up to report that she was attempting to steal a car. Huh? Yep, she told the emergency operator that she was “trying to steal a car that’s not legally mine. So, ya’ll better come make a report.” To make things even easier, she also gave them the address of the car dealership. When the cops arrived, she offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Month. She said she was being trained in Black Ops to steal cars and she made the call so she could “do it legally.” Um, that’s not how it works. She’s been taken into custody and is facing trespassing charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Lavonia, Georgia, which also is a violation of Bozo Rule Number 3332323: If you return to the scene of the crime, at least try to stay awake. It seems bozo Manuel Parra broke into a residence, found a large jar of loose change and used it to purchase some beer. Then, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to return to the scene of the crime to consume it. One thing led to another and the next thing you know he’s passed out on the bedroom floor. And that’s where the homeowners parents, who were keeping an eye on the home, found him. Dad was packing and he held our bozo at gunpoint until officers arrived. Busted! And charged with breaking and entering and burglary.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia, where our unidentified bozo thought a nail salon would be a great place for a hold-up. He was wrong. Surveillance camera footage shows him entering the salon, his hand in a bag, and shouting, “Everybody get down! Give me all your money.” Nail salon patrons and employees are not impressed. They simply stare at him and most barely move or change expressions. Finally one customer stands up, but instead of handing over her money, she backs out the door. Seeing that this just isn’t going as planned, our bozo gives up and leaves the salon.