Monthly Archives: March 2024

Bozo criminal for today comes from Louisville, Kentucky, where bozo Conor Lucas walked into the local Porsche dealership and said he wanted to buy a car. And he had the cash money, too, as he showed them a check he had for $78 million. Yep, 78 million dollars. Undeterred when management refused his offer, our bozo walked into the parts department “looking for the keys.” When he continued to refuse to leave until he got his car, the cops were called. Busted! And charged with criminal trespassing and disorderly conduct. One final note, it seems the tried the same trick the day before at the Land Rover dealership, but this time the check was only for $12 million.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in the Kemerovo region of Russia. It seems our lovesick bozo had a fight with his wife and to make up to her, he decided to play the role of “Prince Charming” and rode his horse over to their apartment. He then walked the horse through the lobby where the big fella left a smelly reminder of his presence. And after he couldn’t get the horse into the elevator, he rode him up five flights of stairs to the fifth floor. Instead of being impressed, the wife called the cops, who are still trying to decide what to charge Charming with. The good news, the horse was removed from the building without incident and is now happily back at the farm.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from St. Louis, Missouri, in which there is a clear violation of Bozo Rule Number 553223: Change wardrobe frequently to avoid identification. It seems our 16-year-old bozo used a firearm to pull off five separate carjackings. And he might have gotten away with it if had just hadn’t worn the same blue Rugrats sweatshirt with the picture of Chuckie on it on every crime. When he was picked out of a lineup by three of his victims, his fate was sealed when the cops found the sweatshirt inside his residence. Busted! Charged with five felony charges of first degree robbery.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Chaparral, New Mexico where a woman arrived home from work to find a bozo in her kitchen. Bozo Tommy Lang was heating up a bowl of soup and stirring up a glass of Nestle Quik when she rushed next door to call the cops. Further investigation revealed our bozo had eaten a lot of the victim’s food, put on a pair of her shoes, ripped up some of her pictures, and re-arranged her toileteries. Furthermore, he claimed he had been dating the woman “since pre-school” and lived with her in the house. The woman told the police she had never seen the man before in her life. Busted! Charged with breaking and entering and destruction of property.