Monthly Archives: October 2023

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Dardanelle, Arkansas. Officers checking on a report of a suspicious individual, found bozo Richard Wells wandering around closed businesses at around 3am. What happened next sounds like it came from a Cheech and Chong movie. When asked for his date of birth, he said he couldn’t remember. “Maaan I forgot!” He then made a really big mistake when he gave the cops permission to check his backpack. Inside they found meth, a spoon covered with meth, needles and….a Monopoly Get Out of Jail Free card. Unfortunately that card only words on board games. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Monroe, Louisiana, where the cops were called to a report of a disturbance at Glenwood Regional Health Center. Upon arrival, they found Bozo Matthew Barker acting aggressively toward the hospital staff. The police report says he was “extremely combative and aggressive”, making “numerous threats.” So what exactly did this guy do to deserve being included in the Bozo Report? It was his choice of weapon. A nurse said he had repeatedly tried to stab her with a plastic spork from the dinner tray. She was able to excape un-sporked and our bozo was charged with assault and booked into jail.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Matias Joost for sending in today’s report from the International File in Grand Forks, British Columbia, Canada. RCMP was called to a report of an intoxicated man. Upon arrival the RCMP found our bozo to indeed be drunk and uncooperative as he attempted to navigate around in his canoe. Yep, we have a drunk bozo in a canoe. Only in Canada. He eventually made his way to a dock where he climbed out of the canoe and then attempted to hide himself underneath the pier. He continued to ignore orders to surrender and finally an officer had to climb into the water and retrieve Captain Ahab. Busted! And charged with “impaired operation of a boat.”

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cobb County, Georgia, where our bozo and a couple of his friends enjoyed a tasty meal at the Juicy Crab restaurant, running up a $100 tab. When they were done, our bozos simply got up and left without paying. And they might have gotten away with it except for one small detail. The head bozo left his phone behind on the table. Uh-oh. And the store manager snapped a picture of the license plate as they drove away. Double uh-oh. And investigating officers noticed the photo on the lock screen of the phone was a selfie of our bozo who was wanted on a murder charge. Triple uh-oh. A license plate reader got a hit on the car a short time later and our bozo was quickly placed under arrest.