Monthly Archives: September 2023

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Catamount for sending in today’s report from the International File in the Fujian province in China. You’re no doubt familiar with smartphone stores that have the newest phones on display, attached to the counter by a metal cable. Our bozo had the solution to this problem. Cut the cable. With her teeth. Yep, security cam footage showed her gnawing on the metal cable when she thought no one was looking. She must have some powerful chompers, because a few minutes later both she and the phone were gone, with only a shredded cable left behind. Unfortunately for her the cops were able to track her down before she was even able to enjoy her new phone. And the Bozo Excuse of the Week? She said she entered the store with the intention of buying a new phone but the sticker shock left her so exasperated that she decided to take matters into her own hands. Or in this case, her own teeth. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Las Vegas, Nevada, where the cops had run into nothing but dead ends in trying to solve a murder from 2021. A detective was perusing You Tube when he came upon a music video by a rapper who goes by the name of “The BiggestFinn 4800”. In the video, Mr. 4800 brags about killing someone and re-enacts details of the murder. Fine. Except for the fact that specific details of the murder, that had not been released to the public, were included in the song. And he also included elements of the victim’s death in the video that were “consistent with evidence at the scene”. Busted! Held on $1 million bond and charged with open murder with a deadly weapon and violating his parole.

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Diego, California, where our bozo had his sites on a real nice three speed Electra bicycle which he had spotted parked in a garage. He grabbed the bike and was getting ready to make his getaway when the owner’s dog approached. He wasn’t in guard dog mode, instead he was in “aren’t I cute, pet me” mode. Our bozo was taken in by the canine charm and got of the bike to give the dog some love. And it just so happened that getting in position to pet the dog also brought him into clear focus of the home’s security cameras. Oops. Cops were able to use the video to ID our bozo and place him under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk John Schenato for sending in today’s report from Lancaster County, Nebraska, where the 911 operator received a call from a driver reporting “someone driving on the wrong side of the road.” An officer was quickly dispatched and before anything tragic could happen he did indeed find someone driving on the wrong side of the road. Further investigation found that the guy on the wrong side of the road was the same bozo who had called 911 in the first place. Yep, he busted himself. His bozo excuse of the week was he “must have missed an exit.” The more probable cause was his blood alcohol level, which was more than twice the legal limit.