Monthly Archives: June 2023

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Charleston, West Virginia. It seems there have been a number of break-ins in the area recently and apparently someone decided to take matters into his own hands. Police responded to a call of a break-in at a secluded cabin that had been the target of thieves on several occasions. Only this time what the cops found was just…weird. Our four bozo would-be thieves were found lying on the ground with their hands tied behind their backs and the tires on their getaway vehicles flattened. Also inside those vehicles were a number of items that had been taken from the cabin. Our bozos told the officers that a masked man surprised them, quickly subduing them and reading them their rights while making a citizen’s arrest. He then just as quickly disappeared, no doubt in a cloud of dust with his faithful Indian companion by his side.

Our story for today from Tulsa, Oklahoma, proves once again that the combination of a bozo and modern technology is a truly dangerous thing. It seems bozo Steph Hurd was in search of an apartment so he headed down to a local real estate firm where they asked him to fill out some basic paperwork. And in the process of filling out the application, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to AirDrop a picture of himself to a couple of employees in the real estate office. A naked picture of himself. Bad idea. While he continued to fill out paperwork the cops were called and he was placed under arrest. Oh, and it looks like when he gets out, he’ll continue to live with his parents as his application for an apartment was denied.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Anthony Lucero for sending in today’s report from Espanola, New Mexico, where a woman headed down to the local Sonic Drive-In looking for one of their famous foot-long Coneys. Now for those of you not familiar with Sonic, they feature a hot dog smothered in chili and cheese and served on a foot-long bun. They come with a variety of condiments, but one of them is NOT cocaine. But that’s what she found when she bit into the weiner, a small plastic bag containing a white powder. According to the cops, surveillance video from the kitchen shows our bozo making some sort of transaction with another employee and then “frantically searching the area as if he’d lost something.” Yep, somehow the coke ended up on the Coney. After admitting the cocaine belonged to him, he was busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Ozark County, Missouri. Dispatch sent officers to investigate a possible hostage situation after receiving a call from a concerned citizen. Apparently text messages had been sent by two men who claimed they were being held at gunpoint by two males who had broken into their home. The Multi-Jurisdictional Task Force was deployed and, upon arriving on the scene, successfully removed the two “victims” from the house. However, a thorough search of the residence failed to turn up the two alleged hostage-takers. Maybe they escaped? Well…maybe not. Upon interrogation, it was determined the whole situation was a result of a drug-induced hallucination caused by the use of methamphetamine. Busted! And charged with possession of a controlled substance and filing a false report.

Our bozo for today from Traverse City, Michigan was working on getting his life in order. And part of that goal was to have a drunk driving charge from 14 years ago expunged. Good idea, right? Well maybe not if you are a certified bozo. Part of the expungement process involved an appearance at a Michigan State Police post. While he was being fingerprinted, one of the officers noticed a smell of alcohol and other signs that he was intoxicated. Uh-oh. A blood draw indicated he was indeed inebriated. He now faces a new DUI charge.