Monthly Archives: May 2023

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Catamount for sending in today’s report from Springfield, Colorado, where cops pulled over our bozo for doing 52 mph in a 30 mph zone. The officer noticed some commotion in the front seat as he approached the vehicle. And then, our bozo was then seen exiting the passenger side of the vehicle while in the driver’s seat was…his dog. Yep, he switched places with the dog and then went on to blame him for the speeding violation. When he couldn’t explain how the dog’s feet would reach the gas pedal, he was arrested and taken into custody for speeding and two outstanding warrants. The dog does not face charges and was let go with just a warning.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Raymond, Maine, where a man offered up a 2006 GMC Yukon Denali for sale on Facebook Marketplace. He quickly received a cash offer for more than the asking price. Sounds good, right? Wrong…if the person doing the offering is a bozo. Our bozo presented the seller with an envelope full of cash and walked quickly to the SUV and drove away. The reason for the hasty exit? The “cash” was fake bills used as movie props. Uh-oh. The seller gave chase and also called the cops, who quickly pulled our bozo over. He offered up the Bozo Excuse that he had “just been paid” and didn’t realize the money was fake. Tell it to the judge. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Alpena, Michigan, where bozo Robert Carter made a quick stop at the local Walmart. And as you are no doubt aware, actual check-out lanes manned by actual humans are few and far between these days, so he headed for the self-checkout. Scanned his items, reached into his pocket, grabbed his wallet, paid for his items and left. All good, right? Well, not quite. It seems when he reached into his pocket for his wallet, a small baggie containing a white powder fell out. Oops. Using his credit card info, he was quickly tracked down and…Busted! Charged with possession of cocaine.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Catamount for making us aware of an issue we didn’t even know existed-Fruit Roll Up smuggling. Apparently a viral Tik-Tok video has caused a shortage of the tasty treat in Israel so some entrepreneurs have taken matter into their own hands, smuggling Fruit Roll Ups into the country in their luggage. An American couple was stopped by customs trying to bring 661 pounds of the stuff into Israel for resale. A red flag went up to authorities when the luggage contained nothing but Fruit Roll Up, no clothing or toiletries. Our bozos response was that he “Had clothes in Israel”. Busted and confiscated!