Monthly Archives: March 2023

Bozo criminals for today come from Concho, Oklahoma, where Red Rocker Sammy Hagar was performing at the Lucky Star Casino. Our bozos, Jerry Moore, 56 and Marsha Greene, 60, attended the show and apparently had a good time. A very good time. And what better way to keep the party going than by heading over to the TA Truck Stop? The cops were called when they were spotted “taking naked pictures in front of the semis in the parking lot.” When the cops arrived, they found our bozos back inside Jerry’s truck, still naked. And Marsha was playing with a “large” sex toy. The cops advised them to get a room, but not before first charging them with public indecency. And they were banned from the truck stop for life.

Bozo criminals for today come from Newport News, Virginia, where two bozos made a daring escape from jail. According to the sheriff’s department they used a “primitive tool” fashioned from a toothbrush and a metal object to did a hole through the wall in their cell. They then were able to scale multiple walls on their way to freedom. So, what would your first stop be after escaping? If you said IHOP, you’d be correct. The very next morning someone noticed two guys matching the description of our bozos chowing down on a Rooty Tooty Fresh N Fruity Breakfast. Hope it was a good one. They cops arrived before they finished their meal and they were escorted back to jail.

It’s that time of the year again but, as far as we can determine, this is the first known instance of a bozo blaming his crime on Spring Break,. It seems bozo Craig Fletcher, of Missouri, was taking a spring break trip to Florida when he decided to pay a visit to the Toasted Monkey restaurant. The wait was long and our bozo got frustrated. It was then that, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to take a butter knife and do significant damage to a vehicle in the parking lot. When confronted by the vehicles owners, he reportedly laughed and ran off down the street. A couple of problems. One, security cams got a good picture of our bozo in action. And, second, he had left his name and phone number on the restaurant’s wait list. Oops. When confronted by the cops, he offered up this lame Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops it was “A spring break mistake.” Bozo or not, he’s been charged with felony criminal mischief.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Gainesville, Florida, where the cops answered a report of a suspicious person. It was quickly determined that he was under the influence of something and when an officer inquired about what was in his pockets, he came up with the Bozo Answer of the Week. He told them his pockets contained “Hypodermic needles. For Fishing.” When he couldn’t produce any evidence of just how he planned to use those needles to catch fish, the officers performed a quick search. He was found to be in possession of fentanyl. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elyria, Ohio, where bozo Elizabeth Wilson was pulled over for a routine traffic stop. The cop noticed she was rather nervous and asked her to get out of the car. She quickly locked the doors and refused to get out, saying she was carrying nothing illegal. After some negotiating, she finally exited the vehicle, but was still yelling and uncooperative. Finally, she shouted, “Fine! You want to see what I have?” and raised her shirt and bra. Not the best idea. The quick flash caused the crack pipe she had hidden in her bra to fall to the ground. Busted! Charged with possession of cocaine, obstructing official business and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bozo criminals for today come from Gwinnett County, Georgia, where a seemingly foolproof plan was hatched. Maybe foolproof, but not bozoproof as we shall see. Our bozos broke into a store and stole several pieces of gaming equipment before making their getaway. So, what’s the problem? Well, it seems our very modern bozos were driving a Tesla. And you know how it is with those electric vehicles. They have to be charged. And that’s where the cops found them, at a Tesla charging station not far from the crime scene. Busted! In addition to the gaming systems, our bozos were found to be in possession of what the cops believe to be two pounds of marijuana.

Our bozo for today comes from Clearwater, Florida, where the cops were called to a disturbance at the Baby Dolls strip club. Apparently one of the strippers was involved in an argument with her ex-boyfriend which led to her striking him in the back of the head with a blunt object. The man, who was stunned but otherwise not injured, told the police the “object” was a large roll of bills, her proceeds from a hard night’s work at the club. Well, at least she wasn’t paid in coins. She was arrested and charged with domestic battery and criminal mischief for allegedly damaging his cell phone.