Monthly Archives: February 2023

Bozo criminals for today come from Russell County, Alabama, where a plan for a rather unusual heist was hatched. Our bozos decided to steal one of those speed- warning trailers. You know the type, where the speed limit is posted and “Your Speed” shows up in an electronic sign. Apparently the sign contains batteries that are valuable on the resale market. Anyway, our bozos hitched up and hauled away the sign. Two problems. One, the sign contains a camera, which captured video of the theft. And, two, the trailer is equipped with GPS, which allowed the cops to pinpoint our bozo’s location. Busted! And charged with theft.

Our Bozo for today comes from the Thinning the Herd Division. From Sao Paolo, Brazil comes the story of bozo Leandro Novaes who took his mother to a facility for an MRI procedure. As you are no doubt aware, MRI is magnetic resonance imaging, with the key word being magnetic. After being informed of the risks involved with the procedure, our bozo accompanied his mother into the MRI room, with a pistol concealed in his waistband. Bad, bad idea. The machine was turned on and the pistol was pulled from his waistband, discharging in the process. Services are pending. No word on the results of the procedure for his mother.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Catamount for sending in today’s report from Palm Coast, Florida. Our unidentified bozo broke into a closed gas station in the early morning hours. He rummaged around, found the items he was looking for and left. Clean getaway, right? Well, not exactly. He left a debit card with his name on it next to the register. The cops actually recognized the man’s name and went to his residence where they found the stolen items. He then offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops he left the card behind so he could “come back later and pay.” The cops then offered up the short answer, “Leaving a debit card behind does not absolve you from theft or committing a burglary.” Busted! Charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in La Paz, Bolivia. An inmate serving a 15 year sentence at the Chonchocoro prison devised a daring escape plan. Our bozo, known only as “The Spider” somehow obtained a sheepskin rug which he used to cover himself as he attempted to crawl his way to freedom across the exercise yard. Yep, the old “disguise yourself as a sheep” plan. Didn’t work. Our little lamb is back in his cell. And his only comment upon being captured…”Baaaaa”.

Our bozo for today from Charlotte, North Carolina is from the “Woman Scorned” file. It seems our unidentified Bozo-ette was seeing revenge on her ex-boyfriend, and what better way to do it than by burning down his house, right? According to police reports, she set two fires, one on the porch and another by a propane tank. And as a precaution she used Flex-Seal to stop up the garden hose. Plus, she cut a hole in his above ground pool. Somehow, she grabbed the homeowner’s dog, leashed him up and was standing in the driveway admiring her work when the homeowner emerged. Hold on, this guy doesn’t look familiar…Yep, she had set fire to the wrong house. The homeowner got her license plate number as she fled the scene. She was quickly placed under arrest, charged with felony first-degree arson, assault with a deadly weapon, and larceny of an animal.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Eagle Lake, Michigan, where the cops were called to a report of a domestic disturbance. Upon arrival, they found the victim, somewhat stunned from the attack and with some sort of “residue” in his hair. Further investigation found the attacker, his girlfriend, who is also our bozo, and the source of the residue. A whole chicken. Apparently the two had gotten into an argument and she attacked him with the first thing she found, which was the bird. The report does not state whether the poultry was raw or cooked. Her goose, however, is cooked. She’s been charged with domestic assault and obstructing police.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where Ruben Zavalla had been casing a muffler shop for a while and decided it looked like a pretty good place to rob. He burst in, flashed a gun and demanded that they empty the safe. Fine. Except for one thing. The manager is the only person who can open the safe and he wasn’t there. Thinking fast, our bozo came up with what seemed to be a reasonable solution. Here’s my phone number. Just call me when the manager comes in and I’ll drop by and pick up my money. Sure, thank you and have a nice day. The staff placed a call. To the cops. He’s busted!