Monthly Archives: January 2023

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Buffalo, New York, which proves again that “If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again” does not apply to the Bozo Universe. It seems bozo Rickey Wilson was arrested after allegedly throwing a rock through the front glass door of the U.S. Attorney’s Office. He was charged with third degree criminal mischief and released on his own recognizance. Not the best idea. Upon release he headed straight back to the scene of the crime and threw yet another rock through a window. Another bad idea. This time he’s been arrested by the FBI. Charges are pending.

Bozo criminals for today come from Brazos County, Texas, where a game warden was checking a couple of fishermen for licenses. Our bozo didn’t have one and he also has some outstanding warrants so he decided to give the cop the name of his buddy, who he thought had a clean record. He was wrong. When the officer ran the fake name he discovered that this bozo also had outstanding warrants. Bozo number one was arrested and when he was being booked, decided to come clean about his real identity. He was booked under his real name with his own warrants. Oh, and you can add lying to an officer to his list of charges.

We somehow missed this one from our New Year’s file so let’s bring you up to date. Police were called to a St. Petersburg, Florida restaurant shortly after midnight on New Year’s Day. Cops were investigating a report of an assault and were questioning the suspect when our bozo, who is his wife, kept interrupting. When the officer advised her to keep quiet, she became agitated and threw a plastic new year’s top hat at him, striking him in the forehead. Oops. Bad idea. Busted and charged with felony assault and resisting arrest. Her husband tried to intervene and was also arrested. They will bring in the new year from jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pinellas County, Florida, where our 57-year-old bozo was brought in by the cops on a warrant charging her with failing to appear in court in conjunction with an alleged theft at a Walmart store. Things were going fine until a full body scan revealed something described as “an anomaly”. Further investigation found what appeared to be a glass crack pipe protruding from the woman’s privates. When it was removed from her body, she immediately stepped on it while saying, “This is not a pipe”, instead claiming that it was some sort of sex toy. She had no explanation for the remnants and “burnt markings” on the pipe. Busted! Charged with introducing contraband into a detention facility and tampering with evidence, both felonies.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Detroit, Michigan, where our 30-year-old bozo and his female companion were cruising down I-94 when their car stalled and rolled to a stop. Yep. Out of gas. So, what to do? Call AAA? Nope? Head out on foot to the nearest gas station? Too much trouble. Have the little woman call 911? Sure. After she called twice, our bozo decided they were taking entirely too long so he took matters into his own hands. He called 911 to report “a white man in a purple SRT fired 150 shots into his vehicle with an AK-47.” That got some cops on the scene, quick. Unfortunately for him, when they arrived, not only did they find no evidence of shots being fired, but our bozo was obviously intoxicated. And he didn’t have a valid drivers license. But he did have several outstanding warrants. Busted! And taken to jail.

We don’t know how this one slipped past us, but hopefully it’s not to late to add our final Holiday Bozo of the season. Our report for today comes from Clearwater, Florida, where the cops were called to a report of a domestic disturbance on Christmas Day. Upon arrival the officers observed several pieces of “debris” on the floor and on the back of the alleged victim’s dress. Further investigation revealed the “debris” to be the remains of a very fragile angel Christmas ornament which our bozo had allegedly used as a weapon. Our bozo countered that, actually, it was his girlfriend who had hit HIM with the ornament. The cops could find no evidence to back up his claim and he was booked into county jail on felony charges of battery with a holiday decoration.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Johnson County, Iowa, where the cops received a 911 report about a reckless driver. Deputies spotted our 19-year-old bozo, swerving all over the road and speeding in excess of 100 MPH. When pulled over, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops he floored the accelerator on his Honda because “a good song came on” his stereo. Case closed, right? Well, not quite. When he reached over to his glove box to retrieve his registration and insurance records, a “large amount” of marijuana fell out. Cops also found a pipe and other drug paraphernalia. Busted! Booked into jail on reckless driving and drug possession charges.

It’s a new year, but in Florida, things never change. Our bozo couple had a problem. They were in the process of burglarizing a home when they realized they had hit the jackpot. In fact, they had so much stuff, there was just no way they could move it out of the house by themselves. So, what to do? Call 911 for help, of course. Yep, she called 911 to ask for assistance, and while she was asking she also said they needed a ride to the airport for a weekend getaway they had planned in New York. When the cops arrived, they were still in the house organizing their stuff. They got a ride directly to jail.