Monthly Archives: July 2022

Bozo criminals for today come from Shelby, North Carolina, where a group of six bozos made themselves at home at the local Waffle House and ordered something to eat. After dining, one of them pulled a gun on the manager and demanded cash. With the price of gas these days, they then did what would seem to be a smart thing. They headed to a gas station next door. Probably should have found one further down the street. The cops were called and our bozos were arrested and charged with robbery with a dangerous weapon, conspiracy to commit armed robbery, and defrauding an innkeeper.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Rexburg, Idaho, where the cops were called to a disturbance at a campground. Upon arrival, they found the cause of the problem, three intoxicated males running around the facility, one of them carrying a pelican. A pelican? In Idaho? Yep. Apparently pelicans are classified as migratory birds and protected by the Migratory Bird Treaty Act. They weren’t willing to give up the bird quietly, however, as two of the men began yelling at the officers and flipping them the bird. The hand symbol, not the pelican! Eventually order was restored, the men were arrested and charged with harassing wildlife and the bird was taken into protective custody. No word on what they were planning on doing with the creature.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Menomonee Falls, Wisconsin, where our bozo had a plan to do a smash and grab at the local Kay Jewelry store. He parks right up front and casually strolls in, pulls a brick out of the pocket of his baggy shorts and goes to work on the display case. He slams the brick into the glass but it doesn’t shatter. So he hits it again. Still no luck. Now the employees are running to the front of the store to stop him so he picks up the pace. Slam! Fail. Slam! Fail. He hits the case nine times with the brick and still it doesn’t give way. Finally an employee chases him out of the building and he jumps into his car and drives away. She got the license plate and the video camera got a good picture of him. Cops expect to make an arrest soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Culver City, California, where the cops received a report of a robbery in progress at the local Boost Mobile store. When they arrived, employees told them our bozo had entered the store, wearing a hoodie, sweatpants, and a surgical mask and gloves, and threatened them with a gun. He forced them to lie down and he jumped over the counter and grabbed $500 in cash before fleeing on foot. Seems like a clean getaway…except…what’s that over there on the floor? A set of car keys. Yep, he’d lost the keys when he jumped over the counter. Apparently he hadn’t locked his car as the cops found the vehicle nearby and inside they found the hoodie and mask he’d been wearing, along with the gun and his drivers license. Our bozo was found nearby and was placed under arrest. And did we mention he was on parole from another robbery and was wearing an ankle monitor? That’s at least three strikes. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Coffee City, Texas, where the cops were called to a report of an accident at the local Dollar General store. They found a wrecked Nissan pickup that had crashed into two other vehicles and had barely missed a rack of propane tanks. And just who was driving said vehicle? Well it wasn’t hard to find him. Even though he appeared to be uninjured, the stress had caused him to poop himself and the cops simply followed the trail of feces leading from the vehicle. An empty bottle of Wild Turkey and two empty Budweiser cans were found inside the vehicle. Since this was his third DUI, he’s facing felony charges.

Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Petersburg, Florida, where our entrepreneurial bozo was looking for a way to make a quick buck during this tough economy. So, he set himself up on a downtown street and began selling hot dogs to passersby. Good plan? Well, not exactly. It seems he was in violation of a city ordinance against street vendors. When the cops ordered him to shut the place down, he hurled a fully loaded dog at one of the officers, who took a direct hit from the projectile. Bad idea. Busted! Charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, a felony. He was also charged with resisting, a misdemeanor, for allegedly struggling with cops as they sought to place him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Orange County, Florida, where the cops were called to Disney World’s Swan Reserve Hotel on a report of a man acting suspiciously. Upon arrival, they found our bozo wandering around the lobby pushing a cart containing a replica of R2-D2 and wearing a Disney nametag with the name “David” on it. He told the cops he was a Disney employee but when he was unable to find the employee locker rooms, he was left wandering around the Boardwalk area. OK…well let’s check that ID then…No such employee was found in Disney records. Time to change the story. He then told the cops he had been stealing items to “show the weakness of security at the resorts.” Maybe he’s right about that part. A search of his house turned up other items pilfered from Disney, including light fixtures and a towel cabinet. He can explain it all to the judge. Busted! Charged with grand theft, scheme to defraud, burglary of a structure, tampering with a coin-operated machine and obstruction by false information.