Yearly Archives: 2021

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Adelaide, Australia, where our bozo decided to have a little fun with his hot Holden Commodore. He was having a great time, cutting donuts and leaving excessive amounts of smoke inside a parking garage. Harmless fun, right? Well….not if the parking garage is directly above the local police station. Cops were waiting for him when he exited the building. Busted! Charged with drunken driving and misuse of a motor vehicle.

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Diego, California where our unidentified bozo decided to steal a forklift and take it for a little spin down Sports Arena Boulevard. Someone called the cops and not one, not two, not three, not four, but five cruisers were dispatched to corral the rogue piece of construction equipment. A super slow chase ensues, with our bozo running a red light before turning into a parking lot. Now we have a big standoff between five cars of police officers and one woman on a forklift. The standoff could still be going on if a bystander who had seen enough hadn’t taken matters into his own hands. He simply walked up to the forklift and removed the keys. Standoff over. Our bozo surrendered without a fight and was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ventura County, California, where the cops received a report of a drone buzzing around the neighborhood. Cops spotted the colorful red, green and silver drone and noticed something strange about it. There was a baggie containing a powdery substance attached to it. Oops. Our bozo was taken into custody, charged with suspicion of two counts of possessing a controlled substance for sale and one count of controlled substance possession.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in this one from the International File in Morelia, Mexico. Our would-be bozo burglar was prowling around when, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he stuck his head between the building’s protective burglar bars. His head went in, but wouldn’t come out and he found himself stuck like a rat in a trap. Residents nearby noticed his plight and reported the situation to the cops at 4:40 pm. He remained stuck until 7 pm when the police finally arrived. After cutting him free with a pair of bolt cutters, he was led away in handcuffs.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Nashville, Tennessee, where the cops responded to a report of a car sitting in the middle of the intersection with the driver inside. Perhaps the man had suffered a medical emergency? Nope. Maybe the car had simply died? Nah. How about he was passed out, dead drunk? Yep. When the cops woke up sleeping beauty and asked him if he knew where he was, he replied, “In my bed.” Not exactly. Busted! Charged with DUI and driving with a suspended license.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Joliet, Illinois, where bozo Jefferson Lane spotted a car that was left running and unoccupied at a convenience store. He hopped in and drove away but quickly realized he wasn’t familiar with the area. When he came upon an officer working an accident, he stopped and asked the cop for directions. Guess the dimwit didn’t realize the car had already been reported as stolen. He was placed under arrest without incident.

This is the first time we’ve heard from our bozo friends in the Taliban in a while, and it’s good to see not much has changed. From the International File in Qultaq, Afghanistan comes a report that Talaban leaders had called a meeting to conduct a bomb making class. They had even brought in six “experts” to help show the guys just how to do it. Bad idea. One of the devices they were building malfunctioned and blew up the mosque, along with at least 30 would-be terrorists and the six “experts.”

Bozo criminal for today comes from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where bozo Sharon Brown broke into a residence by prying off a window screen and climbing in. She rummaged around but left without taking anything. But she did leave something behind…an empty bag of Cheetos on the kitchen floor. When the cops responded to a report of a suspicious person nearby, they found Cheeto residue on her teeth. Uh-oh. After being confronted with the evidence, she confessed to the break-in.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in this violation of Bozo Rule Number 8948492: Always clear your search history. It seems bozo David Carroll of West Newton, Pennsylvania, had what he thought was a foolproof scam. He called the cops and reported his vehicle as stolen. Five days later, the cops found his SUV in a wooded area, torched and nearly unrecognizable, but they were able to trace the still intact VIN number back to our bozo. End of story, right? Nope. As part of the investigation, a search warrant was issued for his phone. And right at the top of his Google search history…”How to set your car on fire and make it look like an accident.” Oops. Busted! Charged with arson with intent to collect auto insurance, insurance fraud, filing a false report and risking a catastrophe.

Bozo criminal for today from Chattanooga, Tennessee, wanted to get a permit for carrying a handgun. He followed proper procedure, filling out the Tennessee Department of Safety form and enclosing it along with a check for $50. So far, so good, right? Well, no. It seems he filled out the form using the name “President Barack H Obama” and he even included US State Department letterhead. Did we mention he is a white man? And did we also mention he also has an active warrant for his arrest in Michigan. Needless to say “the president” didn’t get the permit. He’s been charged with perjury, forgery and theft of identity.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Adelaide, Australia. Cops spotted our bozo driving without lights on around 2 am. Further inspection of the vehicle found that he had painted over the license plate and had hand painted new numbers on the plate. He also added a helpful phrase at the bottom of the license tag. It read, “Not Stolen OK”. Well, we’re glad to know that. He’s busted! Charged with driving without a license, driving at night without lights and driving with a defaced license plate.

Bozo criminal for today obviously had a mama who taught him to be respectful and do what he was told. Unfortunately, that isn’t always the best thing to do when you’re trying to pull off a bank robbery. Bozo Edward Franks walked into a bank in Chicago and waited in line to see a teller. When he reached the window, he handed the teller a note that said, “no dye packs” and “armed”. The calm teller triggered a silent alarm and asked our bozo if he was looking to make a deposit or withdrawal. When he said withdrawal, she handed him a blue withdrawal slip, which he filled out requesting $10,000, with his signature at the bottom. The teller said, fine, but you’ll need to provide identification, and he handed over a state identification card issued three days earlier by the Illinois Secretary of State’s office. Thanks. Now if you’ll just wait a moment…He was still waiting when the cops arrived. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Johnstown, Pennsylvania, where the cops received a call about a suspicious vehicle. The caller said there was a marked police car sitting if front of his house shining a spotlight into his home. He also said the driver of the vehicle, dressed in camouflage, had knocked on his door, asking for a woman. When the cops arrived, they found our bozo sitting inside the cruiser. He told the cops that he hadn’t really stolen the car, he had only “borrowed” it and was using it to find his “soon to be girlfriend.” Sorry, looks like he’ll have to keep looking. He’s been charged with theft and impersonating a public servant.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Stafford, Virginia. Our bozo was a wannabe Peeping Tom, so he staked out the women’s locker room at the local gym. Nope, he didn’t try the old trick of drilling a peep hole in the wall. Instead, he climbed up into the ceiling and, before he could get settled in, the rafters gave way and he landed right in the middle of the locker room floor. Needless to say, the ladies were not pleased and extracted bit of revenge on our bozo while waiting for the cops to arrive. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Okaloosa County, Florida, where a deputy noticed our bozo’s car had an expired registration so he pulled him over. The cop’s K-9 partner alerted on the vehicle and a quick check inside found what appeared to be heroin under the seat, more heroin on the passenger floorboard, oxycodone, a plastic bag with methamphetamine residue, a scale and assorted drug paraphernalia consistent with use and distribution. Undeterred, the driver offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cop the heroin was a “chocolate laxative” and all the pills were fake. Right. Tell it to the judge. Busted! Charged with trafficking heroin, possession of oxycodone, possession of drug paraphernalia and a traffic violation.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jackson, Mississippi where our bozo walked into a bank wearing a surgical mask. When he reached the teller’s window, he pulled down his mask and threatened the teller, demanding cash. While he did get away with an undermined amount of money he left behind an excellent security camera picture of himself without the mask. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Our bozo for today comes from Lehi, Utah. We don’t have details on what his motives were, but we know bozo Charles Morton liked to impersonate a police officer, even going so far as to have a green Salt Lake County Sheriff’s Department jacket. He was wearing said jacket when he walked into a 7-Eleven. And since he was a “cop”, it only seemed appropriate to grab a donut. His mistake was walking out without paying for it. The clerk reported the incident to the cops who used surveillance camera footage to grab the license plate of his getaway car. After it was determined the car was stolen, they tracked him to a nearby hotel where he was busted, charged with impersonation of an officer, receiving or transfer of a stolen vehicle and theft. Hope he enjoyed the donut.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where paramedics had been called to an apartment complex. While they were dealing with the emergency, our bozo jumped into the ambulance and drove off. Unfortunately for him, the ambulance was equipped with GPS technology and the cops were able to pinpoint exactly where he went. To the nearby Jack In the Box drive thru. He had the emergency lights on and was ordering food when he was arrested.

Another day, another violation of coronavirus lockdown rules. This one comes from the International File in Augsburg, Germany, where Covid-19 rules there limit contact to members of the household plus one other person. With public gatherings limited also, our bozos decided to construct their own gathering place. An igloo. Yep, our bozos constructed an igloo in a public park. We can only assume things were going well until someone called the cops. Five bozos scattered when the police arrived. The least fleet footed one of them was captured and charged with breaching coronavirus lockdown rules.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lee County, Florida, where wannabe rapper Jonathan Hendricks needed to supplement his rap income by robbing a residence. So, he staked out the home and, when no one was there, he climbed in through a window. Or, should we say, attempted to climb in. He had just stuck his head in when the window unexpectedly slammed shut on him, leaving him trapped. According to the cops, they arrived to find him dead, dangling from the window by his neck. Services are pending.