Monthly Archives: March 2020

Bozo criminal for today comes from Grand Ridge, Florida, where a deputy stopped to help our bozo whose car had broken down on the side of the road. The observant officer noticed a strong smell of marijuana emanating from our bozo and a quick search turned up a marijuana cigarette…in her bra. This discovery led to a search of the car which turned up half a pound of crystal methamphetamine, additional quantities of marijuana packaged for sale, scales, and US currency. BUSTed! Charged with trafficking in a controlled substance and possession of marijuana with intent to distribute.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mike Sheffield for sending in today’s report from Ashland, Louisiana. It seems bozo Stormy Parker showed up at the jail to pay the bond fee for a friend that was being held on drug charges. A nice thing to do, right? Well, maybe not. As the cops were counting out the $5000 in cash they noticed a familiar aroma. The money smelled strongly of marijuana which led the cops to search her car where they found $40,000 more in cash inside, along with about 100 Klonopin pills and a food stamp card that wasn’t registered to her. A search of her residence turned up hundreds of additional pills and cash as well as marijuana, cocaine and paraphernalia. She’s busted! Charged with multiple counts of possession with intent to distribute drugs, four counts of illegal use of a controlled drug in the presence of persons under 17, taking contraband to or into a correctional institution and other related charges. No word on the fate of her friend.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Slidell, Louisiana, where our unidentified bozo was pulled over by the cops for having an expired license plate. And we’re not talking a few months here. This one was from 1997. Yep He was driving a car with plates that were 23 years old. Checking license plates must not be a big priority in Louisiana. And his Bozo Excuse? He told the cop he was sorry, he had been busy lately and had totally forgotten to get them renewed. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Porterville, California, where there have been a number of residential thefts. After security lights failed to deter the thieves, who were “stealing tools out of vehicles and anything else they could get their hands on”, one resident took matters into his own hands. He went on Amazon and ordered the most powerful sprinkler head he could find. He then rigged it up to a motion detector device that would trigger a strong jet of water whenever anyone came nearby. Worked like a charm. Security camera footage shows our bozo pedaling away on his bicycle after being hit by the stream of water.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Boone County, Kentucky, where our 18-year-old bozo and two accomplices targeted unlocked vehicles in the area and grabbed whatever they could find inside. Things were going pretty well until our bozo decided to use one of the credit cards he had stolen at a Footlocker store in the Tri-County Mall. No problem, right? Wrong. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to link the purchase he made to his personal Footlocker rewards account. Oops. Busted! He and his friends face multiple felony theft charges.