Yearly Archives: 2017

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Glasgow, Scotland, where our unidentified bozo brandished one of the strangest weapons ever. He walked into a store and pointed a cucumber, which he had concealed in a black sock, at a clerk and demanded cash. The clerk declined and our bozo headed for the exit where he was stopped by an off-duty police officer who had seen the whole thing. He tried to claim it was all a joke, but the judge didn’t see it that way. He was convicted of assault with intent to rob.

Our bozo for today from Niagara Falls, New York, is not a criminal but she certainly provided us with a unique story. A Niagara Falls police dispatcher relayed a call she had received to officers on patrol. A woman on the other end of the line asked the dispatcher if the cops could stop the wind from blowing so she could get some sleep. After being advised that the police had no jurisdiction over Mother Nature, the woman hung up.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany, where bozo Klaus Raschke walked into a bank and demanded cash. He flashed a pistol but soon began acting strangely. One of the tellers asked him if he needed a bag for the money and our bozo replied, “Yep, it’s a real gun.” Putting two and two together, the bank employees realized our bozo was deaf and decided to take a chance and set off the alarm. Our bozo didn’t notice the piercing alarm and continued to wait patiently for his cash. He was still waiting when the cops arrived and took him into custody.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bingham Township, Michigan, where it’s been cold this winter. Police were called to a report of a vehicle in the roadway with no lights on and no one around. The complainant called dispatch again and said someone was wandering around a shed after apparently driving the truck in question into the shed. The cops then followed tracks from the shed to a nearby frozen ditch. After seeing evidence that someone had broken the ice and had crawled into the culvert, emergency teams were called who extracted our very cold bozo from his hiding place. He was treated for hypothermia before being taken to the county jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from KIssimmee, Florida, where bozo Milton Hampton attempted a robbery at the local Lowe’s store, threatening a clerk with a pair of scissors. Other employees and shoppers came to the clerk’s rescue and our bozo fled, jumping over a fence and onto the grounds of a nearby resort. Once inside, he carjacked a golf cart from a security guard. But his crime spree was soon to come to an end, as the cops quickly arrived. And as far as finding our bozo, the cops said it was very simple. He was the only guy there wearing clothes. Yep, when our bozo fled, he jumped over a fence and onto the grounds of the Cypress Cove Nudist Resort. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Deerfield Beach, Florida where our bozo made a number of mistakes in his attempts to break into a store. First, he didn’t realize the store had a sturdy door, as it didn’t break when he threw a rock at it. Then, he kicked the door and tried to push it open, to no avail. Seeing that this burglary was going nowhere, he then walked away. End of story, right? Wrong. We failed to tell you that the store he was trying to break into was Spy Spot Investigations, a store that specializes in selling hidden cameras. Oops. Of course he was caught on camera by any number of cameras that the store had set up around the perimeter of the building. Armed with a really nice picture, the cops expect to make an arrest soon.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Longview, Texas, where the cops received a 911 call from a man complaining about his neighbor. The police arrived on the scene, but no one answered the front door. After finding the back door open, the cops went in and that’s when our bozo’s problems really started. Inside, the cops found a large amount of marijuana spread out on a table. All totaled, there was 2.3 pounds of marijuana sealed in plastic bags and pickle jars. When our bozo returned home a short time later he was busted! No word on what the problem was with the neighbor.

Our bozo story for today is a classic case of mistaken identity. The cleaning crew working at a credit union in Lake Jackson, Texas, noticed a U-Haul truck pull up around 1:45 PM on New Year’s Day. When several men emerged carrying weapons and wearing ski masks, the crew assumed the worst and called the cops. The police quickly arrived and ordered the men to drop the weapons and get on the ground. And that’s when their real intent became clear. They identified themselves as aspiring rappers Tru Keezy and Yung Groovey and explained to the cops that they were shooting a music video with a bank robbery theme outside the credit union.
After it was determined that the guns were not loaded our rappers were released without further incident.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Missouri, where bozo Suzanne Clark was not satisfied with a purchase she made. So, she took her complaint directly to the cops. Which might have been OK except for what it was she wasn’t satisfied with. After calling the police, she told them she had paid $40 for crack cocaine and had been given sugar instead. But she wasn’t done. She demanded the cops arrest her dealer and secure a refund for her purchase. After being unable to track down her dealer, the cops visited our bozo victim and, after finding her in possession of a crack pipe, placed her under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Daniel Kuras for sending in today’s report from Sterling Heights, Michigan. The cops were called to a report of a burglary in progress at a local coffee shop. They arrived in time to see our bozo smash the glass door and enter the business. He then ignored officers calls to halt and attempted to flee in his SUV, damaging two police cars and nearly running over an officer in the process. It was his escape route that got him into trouble. He headed east on 15 Mile Road, in the direction of a large 250 foot long, 100 foot wide sinkhole, caused by a collapsed sewer line. And, you guessed it, he drove right into it. Oops. He was arrested after he tried to climb out and flee on foot.