Yearly Archives: 2012

Bozo criminal for today turns out not to be a crook or a bozo at all, just someone who likes to hang on to his money. From Shelbyville, Tennessee, comes the story of a man who tried to spend a $50 bill at the local convenience store. The clerk thought the bill looked funny and when her marker used to detect counterfeit bills didn’t check it as real, she called the cops. The officers agreed the bill looked phony and the guy was hauled off to jail. It was only after he had been locked up that a sergeant took a look at it and offered up the opinion that it might be a real bill, but a very old one. After taking it to a bank, his suspicions were confirmed. Our “non-bozo” was released, given his bill back and instructed to take it to the bank to exchange it for a newer one to avoid further trouble.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, where a police cruiser was taken in to the local Maaco shop for some repairs. While it was there, the dispatcher received a call over the radio saying, “19th and Derry, I got a shooting! Back-up, back-up!” Police were dispatched to the location and were surprised to find it was the location of the body shop where the cruiser was being worked on. It turns out one of the employees thought it would be fun to broadcast a “fake” emergency call the police radio, not realizing the radio was actually turned on. Bad idea. In checking him out, the police discovered he was also wanted for numerous warrants, including parole violation. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Weymouth, England, where the police pulled over our unidentified bozo for speeding. Now, of course, speeding is not a bozo offense, but her excuse for speeding certainly was. She admitted that she was driving over the posted limit, but told the officers she “was only keeping up with traffic.” Which might have been a good excuse except for one minor detail. She was the only person on the road at the time. Oops.

Bozos for today may not exactly be criminals but they are certainly 100 percent bozo. From Amherst, Massachusetts, comes the story of three college students who thought it would be fun to climb onto the roof of a 20 foot building on campus to see what the view looked like from there. Unfortunately, they had no exit plan from the such an extreme height. So, they did what any bozo would do…they called the fire department to come rescue them. The fire chief did not see the humor in their request and has announced plans to bill them for the emergency call.

Bozo criminals for today from Boston, Massachusetts, hijacked a cab after threatening the driver with a pellet gun. One of the bozos took the wheel but didn’t get very far, abandoning the cab after crashing it into a couple of other vehicles. The cops didn’t have much trouble tracking them down, however. It seems one of our bozos was carrying a large orange, yellow and red floral arrangement, which left a clear trail of flower petals to where they were hiding. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where bozo Michael Yates needed some deodorant. It was his way of obtaining it that got him into trouble. First, he staked out a Family Dollar that carried the brand he was looking for. Then, he waited until the store was closed for the night. Once it was locked up tight, he went to a nearby construction site and stole a Bobcat tractor, which he crashed through the front window of the store. Guess he didn’t think this would attract any attention. The cops arrived to find him inside, with two cans of deodorant in his hands. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Chilliwack, British Columbia, where a couple of bozos came up with a unique plan for stealing an ATM cash machine. When they walked into the business, one of them was wearing the work uniform of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and they told the clerk they were there to remove the machine. Not one to question a Mountie, the clerk told them to go ahead. One problem. They didn’t realize the machine was bolted to the floor. Our bozos made a hasty exit and fled in their van, but not before the clerk got the license plate number. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Syracuse, New York, where bozo Charles Potts was on a hunt for cheap cigarettes. He hailed a cab and told the driver to take him to a nearby store. When he found the price of smokes to be too high, he left without purchasing anything and asked to be taken to another store. The driver complied, and after our bozo again walked out empty handed, saying the price was too high here as well, he asked to be taken to a third store. Upon arrival at the next location, the cabbie asked for his $12.50 fare. Our bozo became indignant, refusing to pay, and even instructing the cabbie to call the cops, which he did. When the police arrived, they discovered our cheapskate bozo had more than $5000 in cash in his pockets. He was arrested and charged with theft. Wait until he finds out the cost of cigarettes in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Wilmer, Texas, where bozo Keithan Moore wrapped a towel around his hands to make it appear he was carrying a gun. He then walked into a building, walked up to the counter and demanded money. Unfortunately the building he walked into was the Wilmer Police Department. After officers wrestled him to the ground, he offered up the Bozo Excuse of the Week, telling the cops it was all a joke. They took it a little more seriously. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from the International File in Launceston, Tasmania. It seems bozo Christopher Stone wanted some chicken schnitzel. Really wanted some chicken schnitzel. However, he was a little short of funds. So, he did what any bozo would do, he stuffed the schnitzel in question down his pants, threatened the cashier at the supermarket with a gun and walked to his car. One thing he didn’t plan on, however, was how difficult it would be to drive with a large schnitzel in his pants. Police officers say he was attempting to adjust the schnitzel when he lost control of his vehicle and rolled the car. He’s busted!

We’re not quite sure what our bozo for today was thinking…but that’s not really that unusual. From Newton Township, Pennsylvania comes the story of our unidentified bozo pervert who exposed himself to a woman. But it would seem that he didn’t really want her to see what he was showing. The place out bozo chose for his crime was the Bucks County Association for the Blind. Police are still looking for the suspect.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Joseph Wilkins spotted a stereo in a parked car that he just had to have. Seeing no one anywhere around, he broke in but quickly found it was going to be more difficult than he thought. After struggling to remove the stereo he found it was locked into the dash and the only thing he could pry loose was the faceplate, which he took with him. It was what he left behind that caused all the problems. Apparently while wrestling with the stereo, his wallet slipped out of his pocket. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Mountain View, California, where an unidentified bozo spotted a woman walking her dog. He rushed up to her and attempted go grab, not her purse, but the plastic bag she was carrying. A plastic bag containing the dog’s poop which she had picked up while on the walk. And to add injury to insult, the dog grabbed the man’s pants leg as he tried to flee. Quickly seeing the error of his ways, our bozo fled empty handed. Police have not yet captured our bozo and haven’t yet determined what the penalty for poop theft is.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Benoit for sending in today’s report from Boston, Massachusetts. It seems bozo Edwin Durant was in the local Toyota dealership checking out cars on the showroom floor when he started one up. And instead of shutting it off immediately, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he revved it, causing it to crash into another car and a sales desk. Remarkably, no one was injured, but the police were called after our bozo tried to flee. It was when the cops arrived that he offered up his strange story. He said he was at the dealership to replace his old car, which he had crashed during a police chase last month. He’s been charged with larceny of a motor vehicle, malicious destruction of property, assault with a dangerous weapon and disorderly conduct.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bremerton, Washington, where homeowners were awakened around 3 am by the sound of our bozo burglar rummaging around in their home. The homeowner grabbed his gun and chased him away, but not before our bozo grabbed a few items on his way out. Later that afternoon, the homeowners received a phone call from none other than our bozo thief, who was offering a little trade. He said he would return the items he had stolen in exchange for a bag he had left behind, which contained papers bearing his name. The homeowners, said, “Sure, come on over.” Which he did, only to find a police officer waiting for him. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Okmulgee, Oklahoma, where David Wilcox was pulled over by the cops for speeding. While writing the ticket, the officer noticed an unusual chemical smell and asked our bozo to step out of the vehicle. Instead, Wilcox made a run for it, but his ability to flee was severely hampered by what was inside his pants. Somehow, he had concealed a “shake and bake” meth lab in his trousers. And when the officer caught up with him, the bottle burst, spilling the dangerous chemicals all over our bozos private parts. Fortunately for him, it did not explode or catch fire. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bonner County, Idaho, where bozo John Cooke has been charged with assaulting his dancing buddy. While we don’t have confirmation of this, we can only assume alcohol was involved when our bozo pointed a rifle at his friend and demanded he perform Michael Jackson’s “Moonwalk” dance. His friend didn’t see the humor in the request and called the cops. He’s been charged with felony assault. No word if he referred to him as a “varmint” when making the request.

Our bozo for today from Brockton, Massachusetts did something that all of us have probably at least thought about. An unidentified bozo drove up to a gas station and gave the attendant $25 for gas. After discovering that, at $4.13 a gallon, he had received only 6 gallons of gas, our bozo became very upset. So upset, in fact, that he called 911 to complain. Bad idea. The cops showed up and explained to him that $4.13 was indeed the correct price for the gas, and while the price might be excessive, it wasn’t worthy of calling 911. Perhaps sympathizing with him a bit, the officers let him off with just a stern warning. Maybe it’s the gas companies that should be receiving a warning.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from the International File in Constanta, Romania. A police officer couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw a woman riding on a motorcycle totally nude. And we do mean totally. She wasn’t wearing a stitch. So, the officer did the obvious thing. He pulled her over and wrote her a ticket…for failure to wear a helmet. She donned a helmet and the officer sent her on her way, still wearing only what God gave her.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where police were on the trail of a stolen vehicle. The cops spotted the Pontiac minivan after it ran a stop sign and gave chase. It was during the chase that our bozo came up with his plan for escape. He abandoned the vehicle in a vacant lot and ran to his home nearby. He then jumped through the open front window and ran to his bedroom where he pretended to be asleep. All of this might have been OK except for the fact that he did it all in full view of the cops. He’s under arrest.