Yearly Archives: 2012

Our bozo for today learned a lesson about Murphy’s law the hard way. An unidentified teenager from Rogers, Arkansas, thought it would be fun to send a text to a random number saying, "I hid the body…Now what?" She got a response to the text, but it certainly wasn’t the one she was expecting. Of all the random numbers she could have picked to text to, she picked the number of a Rogers police detective. Oops. She was tracked down and released with a stern warning.

Bozo criminals for today from the International File in Helsingborg, Sweden, prove once again that being a bozo is an exhausting job. Police were called to a report of an oddly parked car near a busy intersection. Inside they found our two bozos sound asleep inside. Upon further investigation, the police discovered that the car had recently been stolen, and apparently this had been such an exhausting bit of work that our bozos couldn’t wait to get the car home before stopping to take a short nap. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Uddevalla,Sweden, where our unidentified bozo was arrested on suspicion of using a car with a specially built tank to steal diesel fuel. While the cops where frisking his accomplice, our bozo somehow managed to escape in the police patrol car, which had been left running. The police then used the GPS tracker in the car to follow our bozo as he returned to the police impound lot and stole his own vehicle back. He then proceeded to drive the car to his mother’s house, where he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Volusia, Florida, where bozo Cody Clark walked into an adult video store, flashed a weapon, and demanded cash. The quick thinking clerk told our bozo he could make more money going by to work at the store than by robbing it. She must have been pretty convincing, as our bozo filled out a job application before leaving empty handed. Looks like he won’t get the job, as he’s now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Lauderdale, Florida, where we have yet another example of bozos and modern technology being a dangerous combination. It seems bozo Steven Moore stole the nameplate from the courtroom door of a Broward County Circuit Judge. And of course he didn’t take it home and hide it away. No way. Instead, he took a picture of himself holding the stolen nameplate and posted it on his girlfriend’s Facebook site. Bad idea. The cops heard about it and our bozo was tracked down and charged with felony theft charges.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mark Garstin for sending in todays report from the International File in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada, which proves once again that the old adage "If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again" doesn’t apply to bozos. It seems our unidentified bozo was driving while intoxicated and crashed her car. After charging her with DUI, the cops were nice enough to take her home to sleep it off. So there she stayed, right? Wrong. A short time later, she was at it again, behind the wheel of a second car, which she promptly crashed as well. This time she got to sleep it off behind bars.

Bozo criminal for today from San Diego, California violated Bozo Rule Number #87234: To be a successful burglar, it’s best to try to be inconspicuous. Our bozo for today broke into a church and got away with electronics, musical instruments and other items. His getaway was foiled when the cops noticed him as he was leaving the church. And he was very easy to notice. Our bozo burglar was clad in a white t-shirt, a tutu and purple stockings. With no underwear. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today for today comes from Tyrone, Pennsylvania, where bozo Gerald Downs who was pulled over by the cops for driving without his headlights on. Our bozo replied, "Thanks, buddy!" and offered the officer a "high five". Bad idea. The officer then ordered our bozo out of the car, and administered a field sobriety test which our bozo promptly failed. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report from Las Cruces, New Mexico. Bozo Alan Goff and two lady friends dined at the local Applebee’s and then did the old "dine and dash", leaving without paying their bill. Which wouldn’t have been a good idea under any circumstance, but was especially bad on this particular day, which happened to be "Tip a Cop" day at Applebee’s. During this event, the wait staff was replaced by local police officers who served patrons to raise money for the Special Olympics. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Belfast, Northern Ireland. Our unidentified teenage bozo wanted to break into a residence and he thought he had come up with an easy way to to just that. He would reach his arm through the door’s mail slot and would then unlock the door from the inside. Not the best idea. He got his arm partially inside before it got stuck. Stuck so tight he couldn’t get it out no matter what he did. Police passing by noticed our bozo’s predicament and called the fire department who had to completely dismantle the door before our bozo could be freed, and arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report from Ridge Manor, Florida. It seems a couple left their cellphones in an unlocked car only to find them gone when they returned a short time later. Fortunately, one of them was an iPhone and the cops were able to use the phone’s GPS tracking device to lead them to a nearby residence. The cops questioned a man and his grandson, who he said had only returned home a few minutes earlier. The boy adamantly denied taking the phones. Then, someone called the iPhone and a ringing sound was heard coming from the boy’s closet. He then admitted taking the iPhone, but denied taking the other one, a BlackBerry. And, as he was denying the theft, a ringing sound came from one of the boy’s shoes, also stuffed into the closet. He’s busted!

Our bozo criminal for today from Gastonia, North Carolina, obviously knew that a pinch of smokeless tobacco should be placed between the cheek and gum. But it seems he may be a bit confused about which cheek we’re talking about here. Bozo Ashton Bowen was returning to jail from work release when two officers searched him. The cops found two bags of wintergreen smokeless tobacco hidden between his buttocks. Ick. He’s been charged with being an inmate in possession of tobacco.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chamblee, Georgia, where bozo Trevor Green walked into a bank and handed the teller a note demanding cash. The teller, protected by bullet-resistant glass, read the note and fled. Our bozo, seeing that things weren’t going the way he had planned, left the bank and hailed a cab. When the cabbie told him he would have to pay in cash, he did what any bozo would do. He went back inside the bank to withdraw money from his personal account for the cab ride home. He instead got a free ride to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where bozo Jose Alvarez needed a job. So, he decided to go knocking on doors looking for employment. But, being a bozo, he made a couple of mistakes. First, he didn’t exactly "dress for success." In fact, he didn’t bother to dress at all. Yep, he walked in and asked for a job totally naked. And, the place he applied at isn’t exactly a good place to be sans clothing. He applied for work at a welding shop. After he owner told him he had no job openings, our bozo kept hanging around (no pun intended) and the cops were called. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Madrid, Spain where hooded thieves crashed their van into a armored car warehouse vault and grabbed sacks of loot, including money, diamonds and watches. They then loaded the stuff into their waiting getaway car. But, in their haste to make their escape, they crashed the getaway car as they were merging onto the freeway. Undeterred, our bozos quickly carjacked another vehicle and continued on their way. Unfortunately, they continued on without their loot, which was left behind in the back seat of the wrecked vehicle. Oops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report from Miami, Florida. Police were called to a report of a car break-in. When they arrived, they found our bozo still inside the car, looking very confused. When they ordered him out of the car, he said he couldn’t because the driver side door was locked and he couldn’t unlock it. The cops then informed him that cars have TWO doors, and the passenger side door was not locked. Duh. He’s been charged with automobile burglary.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Oakland, California, where bozo Paul Harper wanted to smuggle some marijuana on to his commercial airline flight. So, he came up with what he thought was a great plan. He would hide the pot inside a jar of Skippy peanut butter, which he would then place into his luggage. This might have been a good idea except for one thing. Peanut butter is on the list of substances banned from flights under aviation security rules. Oops. He’s busted!