Yearly Archives: 2011

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Lawrenceburg, Indiana, comes the story of bozo Amos Adams who was pulled over by the cops for not wearing a seat belt. When asked for ID, our bozo said he didn’t have any. The cop then asked him to write down his full name, address and date of birth on a piece of paper. The cop looked at it and asked how to pronounce "Rorth Taylor", the name he had given. The man said his name was "Robert" and when the cop asked him to spell it, he said, "R-E-R-E-R-T" and said his last name was "T-A-Y-L-O-E-R". After several more unsuccessful attempts to spell his name, our bozo decided to fess up and tell the officer his real name, admitting that he had lied because there was a warrant for his arrest. He was right about that. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Millville, New Jersey, where bozo Irwin Krause was arrested for shoplifting at the local Walmart. It was when the cops asked him for an explanation that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Week. He told the cops that he had lost a bet with a friend and was given the choice of shoplifting $50 worth of stuff from Walmart or running down the street naked. He decided the lesser of the two evils was to shoplift. He should have gotten naked. Police weren’t interested in his bet and charged him with shoplifting.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 93354: If you’re planning on robbing a gun shop, be sure your weapon is loaded. From Northland, Missouri, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into a gun store and tried to purchase some ammunition. He handed the clerk $40 for the box of shells and when the clerk told him he was $10 short, our bozo pulled out a gun and demanded cash. The quick thinking clerk took one look at our bozo’s weapon and, noticing that the gun’s cylinder was empty, pulled a gun of his own, which was fully loaded. Seeing the error of his ways, our bozo made a hasty retreat, leaving his $40 behind. Oops…

The best we can say about today’s bozo was that he had good intentions. And you know where good intentions lead you…to jail. From Skowhegan, Maine, comes the story of bozo Joshua Lang who served jail time on bank robbery charges. After being released, his probation stated that he could not enter any of the branches of the credit union he had robbed. The probation also required that our bozo pay restitution to the bank. So, he did what any bozo would do. He went back to the bank he had robbed to ask for a loan to pay back the bank. Bad idea. One of the tellers recognized him and called the cops. He’s under arrest. Again.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Bob Hammond who sent along a story that once again proves the old adage that a dog is man’s best friend does not apply to bozos. From Moro, Oregon, comes the story of bozo Joel Dawson who was pulled over by a police officer after he noticed him driving erratically. As the car pulled to a stop the officer saw what appeared to be a stuffed sock fly out of the passenger’s side window. Deciding honesty was the best policy, our bozo explained to the cop what happened. He said that he kept his stash of marijuana and hashish in the sock and as he was being pulled over, he grabbed it in an attempt to place it somewhere out of sight. Unfortunately, his pit bull mix that was riding with him, saw what he was doing and decided it was time to play tug of war. The dog won, tossing the sock out of the open window. He’s busted! No word on whether the dog plans to join the police force.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Rochester Hills, Michigan, where our unidentified 400 pound bozo shoplifted a number of items from an electronics store. She loaded the stuff on her motorized cart and headed for the door, but that’s as far as she got. Here overloaded cart got stuck in the motorized exit door. She was trying to get herself free when security guards arrived. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today from Temecula, California had a nice little business going selling tires. His business was not the problem, his supplier, however, was. Apparently our bozo would steal tires from the local Best for Less Tire store and then re-sell them out of his van. Now you would think if you were selling hot tires, you’d want to keep it low-key, right? Wrong? Our bozo had his van fixed up nice, with big lettering proclaiming "Jeff Tires" on the side. And did we mention he also used this vehicle when he was stealing tires from the local store? And did we also mention that security cameras at the tire store photographed him loading the stolen tires into the boldly labeled van? They did. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Montreal, Canada, where our bozo thought he had planned the perfect crime. "Thought" is the key word here. He rented a backhoe and used it to smash into a strip mall, with the intention of carrying out the ATM machine. Phase one of the plan went OK, with the backhoe breaking through the exterior windows. Then, things started to go sour. Once inside, the backhoe was simply too large and got stuck, damaging the ceiling and setting off the sprinkler system, causing our bozo to get soaked. Quickly seeing the error of his ways, our bozo fled the scene in a blue pickup truck which was parked outside. Everything was caught on the mall’s security cameras. Police expect to make an arrest shortly.

Our bozo for today is another case of cutting out the middle man…the cop…as our bozo pulled herself over. From Sandusky, Ohio comes the story of an unidentified bozo who had had a little too much to drink. She was driving home when she saw flashing lights in her rear view mirror. Being a law abiding citizen, she pulled over, and waited for the cop to approach. And waited. We don’t know if she ever decided to quit waiting and leave because she was unable to do so. When she pulled over she got her car stuck in a snowbank on the side of the road. A passing motorist called the cops who came by and arrested our bozo for DUI. And those flashing lights that she thought were a police officer? They were the flashing lights from the sign of a nearby skating rink.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Nanaimo, British Columbia, where our bozos went to a whole lot of trouble for nothing. They spotted a very large, old safe at the Lonewolf Cabinet Company. Thinking any safe this big must contain something valuable, they broke in and somehow managed to haul the heavy safe out the back loading dock. If they ever manage to get it open, they’re in for a big surprise. The company owner, who says he had to use a crane to put the safe in the building in the first place, told the cops that the combination lock didn’t work and he had only kept it as a decoration for the office. Perhaps the cops should first check hernia patients at the local hospital.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Coralville, Iowa, comes the story of bozo Whitney Green who returned a number of items to her local Kohl’s store. While the clerks were going through the stuff and checking for receipts, they found something that she definitely didn’t buy at Kohl’s. A baggie of marijuana. Oops. She’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Sacramento, California, where bozo James Boyd was driving a car he had allegedly stolen when he crashed the vehicle into two other cars. He was only slightly injured in the accident and fled the scene before the police arrived. But he did leave behind one very important piece of evidence. His false teeth, which where knocked out in the accident. The cops were able to use the teeth to identify and track down our bozo who is now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today found out the hard way that sometimes a little too much information is a bad thing. From Farmington, Connecticut comes the story of aspiring pot farmer Robert Maines who called the local 911 operator with a question. He asked if he could get into trouble for growing one marijuana plant. The operator informed him that even one plant was illegal and our bozo hung up. Unfortunately, the operator also reported his call to the cops who went by our bozo’s residence and not only found the plant, but also seeds, equipment for growing more plants and other drug paraphernalia. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Myers, Florida, where bozo Rebecca Armstrong was riding in the car with her boyfriend when the cops pulled them over. He was driving without a license, so he decided to create a diversion. As the officer was walking up, his girlfriend dialed 911 and reported a child being abducted, quickly hanging up before giving any details. The dispatcher was quickly able to determine that the call came from the same location where an officer had a car stopped. A quick check of the cell phone number found it matched the 911 caller’s number. Oops. She’s under arrest for misuse of 911. Her boyfriend is under arrest for driving without a license.

We’ve had numerous reports of bozos leaving their cell phones behind at the scene of a crime, but this one takes it one step further. From Silver Spring, Maryland, comes the story of bozo Cody Warren who broke into a home and was rummaging around when he was surprised by the homeowner. Our bozo jumped out the window and fled. And that’s where the story changes a bit. Police found the cell phone he left behind. Plugged into an electric socket, charging. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Frankston, Australia, where an unidentified bozo broke into a building by climbing down through a skylight. Once inside he found himself trapped when he could not open the storeroom door or climb back to reach the skylight. He then moved some shelving and attempted to climb them to reach the skylight, falling off several times before finally reaching it. Fortunately for him he was able to pull himself out. Unfortunately for him, the whole thing was caught on security cameras and clear pictures of his face were shown on local television. After some thought, he decided to do the right thing and turn himself in.

It’s been a while since we had a story of a bozo who apprehended herself, but that’s just what happened today. From Moses Lake, Washington, comes the story of bozo Shirley Anderson who was pulled over by the cops. After the officer informed her that she was wanted on a forgery charge, she drove away. She hadn’t gone very far when she decided the best thing to do would be to flee the vehicle. Unfortunately, the car was still moving when she decided to jump out. She was then run over by her own car. Her arrest is pending while she’s being treated in the local hospital.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Honolulu, Hawaii, where police were called to an apartment building on a report of a drunk and disorderly man. When the officers pulled up, our bozo spotted them and took what he thought would be the quickest exit from the seventh floor apartment. He jumped into the garbage chute. A bad idea, for a number of reasons. First, the friction of the chute caused his baggy shorts to come off. And second, a large amount of backed up garbage on the third floor thwarted his escape. Police pulled our now naked and rather smelly bozo out of the chute and hauled him to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Ahaus, Germany, where our unidentified bozo thought he had hit the mother lode. He broke into a career advice center near his apartment and started taking stuff back to his flat. He made several trips moving electronics, computer equipment, food and sweets before he was completely exhausted. Too exhausted to make the walk back to his apartment. So he lay down to rest for just a minute…And that’s where the cops found him the next morning. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Joliet, Illinois, where the police were called to a residence on a report of a break-in. By the time they arrived, the suspect was gone. The cops decided to do a routine check of the 19-year-old who had called in the report and, surprise, he was wanted for failing to appear in court. As he was being booked, something fell out of his sock. A marijuana pipe and a bag of pot. Oops. He’s busted!