Yearly Archives: 2009

Our bozo for today probably doesn’t deserve the title of "criminal." In fact, he did something that most likely we’ve all thought about doing after dealing with a government agency. From Swanzey, New Hampshire, comes the story of bozo Robert Yates who was upset because his Social Security check had not been deposited into his account as usual. So, he called the Social Security office to complain. After negotiating a complicated voice mail system, he was then shifted from one employee to another until he was put on hold for almost an hour. When someone finally came back on the line, he blew a gasket and said he was going to kill the first person he found at the Social Security office. They took his treat seriously and our bozo was arrested and charged with criminal threatening. And to add insult to injury, when he returned home, he found his Social Security check waiting for him in the mailbox. He had forgotten that he had cancelled his direct deposit.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Chicago, Illinois, where bozo Dan Bates was smitten with a co-worker, but he couldn’t get her to pay any attention to him. So, he hatched the ultimate bozo scheme. He put on a ski mask and a hood and went to her work area where he threatened to kill her before running away. Building security was then called and, who should show up to offer comfort and support, but our bozo, without the mask and hood. Unfortunately, he didn’t bring a change of clothes and she quickly identified him as her attacker. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charleston, West Virginia, where bozo Shawn Lucas walked into a convenience store, told the clerk he had a gun and demanded that she empty the register. At that very moment, a customer walked in and our bozo got flustered. So flustered that he told the clerk to give him a soft drink, which he paid for with his debit card. Oops. Cops used the debit card to track down and arrest our bozo for attempted robbery.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Millington, Tennessee, where bozo Eric McDuff broke into a home and stole a big screen TV. While he was in the house, he took a little break and called the boyfriend of the victim on his cell phone, which he then proceeded to leave on the entertainment center. Our bozo was arrested when he called the victim and asked if he could have his cell phone back.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in today’s report from Chula Vista, California. Bozo Romeo Moreno was a suspect on the run from the local cops in connection with a December robbery. Police had no clues to his whereabouts until he sent in an application for a police officers’ exam that the local department was holding. Yep, he wanted to give up crime and become a cop. Detectives were waiting at the registration table for him when he arrived. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Canberra, Australia, where we have another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. Police were called to a residence after the homeowners heard noises in their garage. Upon arrival, the cops were surprised to find our very nervous bozo inside the homeowner’s vehicle, frantically trying to get the door open. Apparently, he had locked himself inside the car and, for whatever reason, couldn’t find the button to unlock the door to let himself out. The cops unlocked the door and locked our bozo up.

Bozo criminals for today come from Palm Bay, Florida, where two teenage bozos broke into a residence and helped themselves to a number of items. While looking around, one of the investigating officers noticed a Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup wrapper on the ground in the home’s back yard. Upon further investigation, he discovered another, and another, and another, with the wrapper trail leading to the front porch of a nearby house. Apparently, the teenagers had raided the candy dish on their way out. They’re busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Raymond Green pulled a knife on a deli owner and escaped with two bottles of malt liquor. Officers followed our bozo back to his apartment building but accidentally grabbed a different man who answered the door. As the cops led the man down the street, our bozo opened the window and shouted, "It was me, you idiots, you arrested the wrong guy!" It didn’t take them long to correct their mistake. He’s now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cedarcrest, Delaware, where bozo Sean Klein broke into a residence and was surprised by the homeowner when he strolled into the den. Our bozo immediately made a beeline for the front door, dropping his cell phone on the way out. While officers were investigating, the cell phone began to ring with the display indicating that the incoming call was from "Mom." The officers answered and Mom gave them all the information they needed to place our bozo under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Camden, Arkansas, where bozo Troy Wade brought a bag containing $88 worth of nickels down to the local bank and asked the teller to change the coins into paper money. When she opened the bag, the teller discovered there was something else in there besides coins. It also contained a .44 caliber handgun. Our bozo hadn’t intended to rob the bank; he had simply forgotten about the gun in the bag. The teller told her supervisor who then called the cops. They searched our bozo’s house and found $16,000 worth of stolen property. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Barnstable, Massachusetts, where bozo Ahmad Mustafa showed up at the police station with a pair of handcuffs dangling from one wrist. He told the cops he couldn’t get them off after putting them on at a child’s birthday party. The officers were more than happy to help him remove them and while they were doing so, another officer ran our bozo’s name through their computer database. Turns out he had four outstanding warrants against him, including leaving the scene of an accident and making threats. Oops. They’ve placed a fresh new pair of cuffs on him.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Charles Anderson went to the county jail to pick up his wife. Our bozo made a number of mistakes along the way. Number one, he drove a stolen truck to the jail to pick her up. Second, he parked it in a handicapped spot, which attracted the attention of one of the deputies. And, third, he left his crack cocaine and pipe in plain view inside the vehicle. Don’t know when his wife will get to come pick him up.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 6789: When you’ve got it, don’t flaunt it. From Reno, Nevada, comes the story of bozo Ernest Dugan who stole a large amount of money while renovating a woman’s house. Flush with cash, he called his landlord, who also happened to be a police officer, and told him he had $50,000 and wanted to pay his rent several years in advance. Our cop smelled a rat and sent several officers to investigate. Our bozo was arrested when they found $90,000 in cash in his room.

Best of Bozo) From Stuart, Florida, comes the story of bozo Shawn Baker who tried to purchase a hot dog and a beer at a convenience store. When the clerk asked our bozo if he was old enough to buy the beer, he simply raised his shirt and showed her a gun tucked into his waistband. When she asked if the gun was real, he took it out and placed it, along with his ID, in the money tray under the protective glass. The alert clerk snatched the gun and called the cops while our bozo fled without paying for his hot dog and beer. To make the case even easier for the cops, our bozo called back about 30 minutes later and asked if he could stop by and pick up his gun and ID. Police officers were waiting for him when he arrived.

Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Farmington Hills, Michigan, where bozo Karen Chester was obviously in need of a makeover. Bozo Karen held up a bank and got away with a substantial amount of cash. So, she jumped into a getaway car and fled, right? Wrong. Maybe she just blended in with passersby and vanished? Nope. Instead she walked into the hair salon next door and asked for the works… a haircut and dye and new nails. Her day of beauty was interrupted when shop employees recognized her and called the cops.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Charles Anderson went to the county jail to pick up his wife. Our bozo made a number of mistakes along the way. Number one, he drove a stolen truck to the jail to pick her up. Second, he parked it in a handicapped spot, which attracted the attention of one of the deputies. And, third, he left his crack cocaine and pipe in plain view inside the vehicle. Don’t know when his wife will get to come pick him up.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in today’s report. From Cape Haze, Florida, comes the story of bozo Charles Harris who used a Bowie Knife to hold up a service station, getting away with a small amount of cash. He should have held them up for some gas instead, as officers found him on the side of the road a short distance away, his escape vehicle out of gas.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Searcy, Arkansas, where an officer on patrol the other evening was involved in a minor accident with a gentleman on a motorcycle. Since it was an icy evening, with sleet falling, the accident was no surprise. What was surprising was our bozo’s attire, or lack of it. As the officer so colorfully put it, he was "naked as a jaybird." In sub freezing weather. On a motorcycle. He was at a loss to explain why. He’s been charged with indecent exposure, reckless driving and driving without a license.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, where bozo Robert Fenton pulled off a heist from a local pharmacy, getting away with about $400,000 worth of drugs. It looked like our bozo had pulled off the perfect crime…he had disabled the store’s alarm and security systems and the cops had no leads. That is, until they received a phone call from our bozo’s neighbor. He told them that our bozo’s car had been parked in the driveway for several days with the keys left dangling in the trunk’s lock. Police came by to check it out and when they opened the trunk, inside they found a large amount of the stolen drugs and a gym bag with our bozo’s name and address in it. Oops. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from White Rock, British Columbia, Canada, where bozo Paul Hendrix gave his 11 month-old-son his cell phone to play with. This wouldn’t ordinarily have been a problem but the little tyke managed to hit a speed dial button and called 911. Officers, who thought someone had called them and then hung up, broke down the door of the residence when no one answered their knocks. Once they got inside, they discovered why dad was hesitant to answer the door. He had a 500-plant marijuana farm inside. He’s busted.