Yearly Archives: 2008

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where bozo Joseph White was a little short of cash, so he decided to pull off a little heist at the local Hungry Howie’s Pizza. One night after closing time he broke into the rear door and grabbed cash and credit card receipts. Unfortunately, he forgot a couple of minor details. Number one, the security cameras caught a nice picture of him. And second, he didn’t bother to change clothes after getting off work. He was employed by Hungry Howie’s and he still had his uniform on when he broke in. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from Lower Turkeyfoot Township, Pennsylvania. Fully aware of the growing price of copper, bozos Kevin Lang and Daniel Bates made big plans to steal some copper wire. Unfortunately, their plan had one big flaw. The wires they tried to steal were still attached to a live power line. Both of them have been charged with theft, but only one was well enough to attend the arraignment.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Twin Falls, Idaho, comes the story of bozo Samuel West who moved out of his apartment and got arrested. Because he didn’t pay his rent? Nope. Maybe he trashed the place? No. Because he forgot and left behind 21 pounds of marijuana when he moved? Yep. An apartment employee discovered the dope and our bozo was charged with drug trafficking.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bismarck, North Dakota, where bozo Anthony Halsted attended a big auction. And, while he was there, he helped himself to a tool kit and a bracelet from a couple of the displays, without bothering to pay for either one of them. Didn’t get away with it, however. He was spotted and placed under arrest. Maybe it was his choice of auction that caused him problems. He tried to shoplift from the annual Bismarck Police Department auction, which was held on the police impound lot.

Bozo criminal for today from White Plains, New York, is yet another example of a bozo foiled by modern technology. Bozo Ian Fowler broke into an apartment and stole a number of items, including an Apple notebook computer. Our bozo was relaxing at his house, surfing the internet on the stolen laptop when the computer started acting strange. Using a remote control feature included on Macs the owner had logged on to her stolen computer and was controlling it remotely. She then told the computer to take a picture of our bozo, using its onboard camera. Before he knew what was going on, the picture was taken and sent to the remote computer. And, wouldn’t you know it, the victim recognized our bozo as an acquaintance who had attended a party at her apartment a few weeks ago. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Pierce, Florida, where bozo Israel Rosales was having an argument with his girlfriend. When he couldn’t get her to stop yelling at him, he took the bozo approach to solving the problem. He cut himself on the leg and then called the cops, telling them his girlfriend had attacked him. This was not the best plan to begin with, but it quickly turned from bad to worse when investigating officers discovered our bozo had an outstanding warrant for his arrest on probation violation charges. After the hospital stitched him up, he was taken to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bensalem, Pennsylvania, where bozo Andre Stone was at a bar where a bachelorette party was being held. He kept annoying the ladies and when he jumped in front of their camera as they were taking pictures, he was kicked out. A while later, two of the women left the bar to go to a convenience store next door. As they were walking down the sidewalk, who should jump out and rob them but our bozo. Apparently, he didn’t recognize them from the bar, but they sure knew who he was. They gave police officers a copy of the picture of him they had taken and he was quickly identified and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas, where bozo Cornelia Meyers had been called for jury duty on a marijuana possession trial. The prospective jurors took a 45-minute break and when our bozo did not return to the courtroom, deputies went in search of her. They found her outside the courthouse on a smoking break. One big problem, it was a marijuana cigarette she was smoking. She’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From White Plains, New York, comes the story of bozo Martin Fulmer who was arrested on disorderly conduct charges. When he was taken to the police station for booking, he became agitated and began to take off all his clothes, right there in front of the officers. This is not a good idea under any circumstances, but it’s especially bad when you have a baggie of marijuana hidden in your underwear, which fell out as he was doing hs strip tease. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Just Desserts File. From Copiague, New York, comes the story of bozo Frank Palmer who was riding his motorcycle when he spotted a police cruiser. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, he thought the cops might appreciate his next trick. He made an obscene gesture and then popped a wheelie on his motorcycle and sped away, with the cops in hot pursuit. Trying to shake them, he turned into a parking lot where he promptly crashed…into another police cruiser that was preparing to join the chase. After being treated for minor injuries, he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cheyenne, Wyoming, where bozo Eric Livingston was enrolled in a work release program while serving his sentence on a burglary conviction. Everything was going fine until one day our bozo didn’t return from his day job. Police had no leads as to his whereabouts until he contacted his former employer to ask them to forward his final check to his new address in New Hampshire. Oops. They called the cops who used the info to track down and arrest our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Manchester, New Hampshire, where bozo Tiffany Bowman made it easy for the cops to arrest her. She brought along her own evidence. Our bozo pulled into a parking lot, with the "No Parking" sign and post from her last parking attempt still attached to the front end of the car. Police were called and, when they arrived, they found our bozo sound asleep in the driver’s seat. She’s been charged with DUI and possession of marijuana.

The high price of gas continues to cause more problems for our bozos. From Lambertville, Michigan, comes the story of bozo arsonist Robert Mills who needed some gas to carry out another crime. Not wanting to spend his hard earned money on gas, he decided to simply siphon some out of a parked car. Unfortunately, the car he chose to siphon from was an unmarked police car that was in the neighborhood on a stakeout to catch our bozo the arsonist. And did we mention there were officers inside the car when he approached with a bucket and hose? He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. With gas and food prices rising, our bozos have had to raise their sights as well. From Fort Worth, Texas, comes the story of a bozo who may have set the bar a little too high. Bozo Charles Farley wanted to start his own record label and he needed a little operating capital. So he tried to cash a phony check at his local bank. A phony check for $360 billion dollars. (Wonder if he asked for small bills?) Needless to say, all the zeros attracted a little attention from the teller, who stalled him while calling the cops. He’s been charged with fraud and possession of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lake Charles, Louisiana, where police officers pulled over a car they suspected was stolen, so they called the registered owner and left a message. And that’s when the problems really began for the car’s owner. For reasons known only to the Bozo Brain, she thought the message was from her drug dealer, so when she returned the call, she told the cops she’d like to buy $150 in crack. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Tauranga, New Zealand, where our bozo team planned to take advantage of the high cost of metals by robbing a scrap metal firm. One of our bozos went inside while the second one waited in the getaway car a short distance away. Our first bozo ran into trouble when he tripped a burglar alarm and was collared by the cops. While they were talking to him, his buddy wondered what was going on and sent him a text message, asking if he was ready for him to come pick him up. The cops texted back that sure, they were ready. Ready to arrest him when he arrived.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Cleveland, Ohio, comes the story of bozo Travis Brown who carjacked a vehicle and then didn’t know how to get out of town. When he spotted a TV news crew filming on a downtown street, he stopped and asked the reporter for directions. His victim signaled to the reporter that he was being carjacked and our bozo took off, with the TV crew in hot pursuit. They gave their exact location to 911 and our bozo not only ended up arrested but the top story on the evening news.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Louisville, Kentucky. What bozo Joshua Mitchell did would have attracted attention under any circumstances, but with the price of gas being what it is, it assured his induction into the Bozo Hall of Fame. Convenience store employees say our bozo walked up to the pumps and began to try to pump gas into an imaginary car (wonder what kind of mileage it gets?). The cops arrived before he had a chance to fill ‘er up. Not surprisingly, he’s been charged with possession of marijuana and other drugs.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, New York, where bozo John Aldridge was pulled over by the cops under suspicion of drunken driving. Before the officer was able to reach the car, our bozo jumped out and ran, disappearing into the nearby neighborhood. The cops spent about twenty minutes combing the area, to no avail. Then, one of the officers heard the sound of snoring coming from underneath a backyard deck. Yep, our bozo had found a comfy hiding place and had fallen sound asleep. He’s been charged with DUI, speeding and resisting arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Minocqua, Wisconsin, where bozo John Sanders called 911 to report that his mobile home was on fire. Local firefighters and police raced to the scene and, after the fire had been extinguished, one of the firefighters noticed something strange. In spite of the fact that the fire had done significant damage to the home, an object on the dining room table had survived. And that item was…a bag of marijuana. Another bozo busted!