Monthly Archives: January 2006

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ray Rusnak for sending in today’s report. From Fort Bragg, California comes the story of bozo Enrique Valdez who was staying at the local Best Western Inn. When he discovered there was no one in the hotel office, he helped himself to $200 in cash, a computer hard drive and a satellite television device. And for some reason, he couldn’t stop there. He just had to leave the manager a nasty note, berating him for not being in the office, and signing it with his name and room number. Investigating officers found him, and the loot, in his hotel room. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Boston, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Tyrone Brown, who obviously believes that you can sell anything on the internet, including illegal drugs. Our bozo posted an online advertisement, offering cocaine for sale. He included his phone number. Boston cops called the number, set up a purchase and busted our online bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Leavenworth, Kansas where bozo Thomas Haynes was an enterprising young drug dearler. So enterprising that he had some business cards made up to advertise himself as the town’s "boss" drug dealer. Police officers got one of the cards, called the number, set up the buy and when he showed up to make the delivery…Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clermont, Florida where bozo Richard Sawyer was hungry, so he pulled into the Wendy’s drive-thru and ordered five double cheeseburgers and a Frosty. Unfortunately, in addition to being hungry, he was also sleepy and he fell asleep in the drive-thru lane before pulling up to get his order. And even more unfortunately, when the police came to check on him, they found cocaine and marijuana inside his car. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From Winchester, Indiana comes the story of a bozo husband and wife team who were burglarizing a home and in the process got their car stuck in the driveway. A neighbor noticed the suspicious activity and called the cops. While waiting for the police, the neighbor walked over and asked our bozos what they were up to. They told him they were robbing the place, but since they had gotten stuck they were going to try to take all the stuff back inside so they wouldn’t be charged with theft. Didn’t work out. The cops arrived a few moments later and made the arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ray Rusnak for sending in today’s report. From Lowell, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo George Martinez who held up a local bank by threatening the teller with a bomb which he claimed to have in a bag he was carrying. After getting his money, our bozo quickly fled, leaving the bag behind. Police officers inspecting the bag found it contained no bomb. Instead it was filled with tangled wires and books. Ando one of the books was a Lowell area phone book with the recipient’s name and address listed on the label. Yep, he had left his own phone book in the bag. Officers went to the address on the label and made the arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Athens, Greece where an unidentified bozo broke into a restaurant and stole some money from the cash register. He then had a bright idea…he would also steal some of the restaurant’s prime steaks. He probably should have quit while he was ahead. He entered the walk-in cooler only to have the large door slam shut behind him, locking him inside. The police found him a while later, shivering and clutching the bag of cash. He’s cooling his heels in jail now.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Anderson, North Carolina where we once again learn that being a bozo is hungry work. When a neighbor went over to check on her friends’ home while they were away, she noticed something that just didn’t seem right. Inside she saw a pan of cocktail weenies simmering on the stove and a glass of orange juice and a black stocking cap on the counter. Not only did our bozo make a poor food choice, he also picked a poor hiding place. Police officers found him trying to hide on the outside deck. He’s enjoying jailhouse chow now.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bochum, Germany where an unidentified bozo broke into a store and stole a karaoke machine. One his way out, he snagged his jacket, ripping it open. Guess he didn’t realize that he was wearing a down jacket and, as he walked it leaked feathers all the way home. Investigating officers followed the trail of feathers to our bozo’s front door and arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Missouri where bozo Virgil Dawson ordered three large pizzas from the local Pizza Hut and gave the address of a vacant apartment downstairs from where he lives. When the driver showed up, he attacked him and stole the pizzas. Only one problem, when he called to give the order, he gave the store his real phone number. The cops tracked it down and found him in his apartment, surrounded by pizza crusts.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Buffalo, New York, where bozo Adam Rodriguez held up the local Burger King, getting away with $231. This must not have been enough to hold him, as a week later he got a job…at the very same Burger King. He was recognized on his first day on the job by the cashier he had robbed. She called the cops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Anchorage, Alaska where bozo Daniel Carson dressed up like a Smurf, complete with full blue face makeup and attempted to rob a hotel. We say attempted, as, when our bozo pulled a knife, the clerk retreated to the safety of the hotel office, locking the door behind him and leaving our bozo standing alone in the lobby. A short time later, when police officers where checking for leads at another hotel nearby, who should run in but our bozo, still wearing blue paint on his face. It turns out he was staying in this one and was returning home. He’s now taken up residence in the Iron Bars Hotel.

Bozo criminals for today violated seldom used Bozo Rule Number 16,689: Your front porch is not the best place to leave a deer head. From Canton, Texas comes the story of three bozos who, for whatever reason, decided to place a deer head on their front porch. This attracted the attention of the local game warden, who stopped by to check their hunting licenses. Once there, the warden noticed something far more interesting. Our behind their house was a large methamphetamine lab. They’re under arrest. No word on what happened to the deer head.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From Fargo, North Dakota comes the story of an unidentified bozo who stole some diamond earrings from a college fundraiser. He ran into trouble when he brought the $4600 earrings back to the jewelry store that originally donated them to have them appraised. He even brought along the original box, which, if he had only looked inside, he would have discovered contained a description of the jewelry, along with its value. He was arrested when he returned to pick up the appraisal.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tara Osterude for sending in today’s report. From Wausau, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Thomas Jacobsen who robbed the Cop Shoppe Pub. First, it’s probably not a good idea to rob a place called the "Cop Shoppe". Second, it’s never a good idea to rob a bar where you’re a regular. And third, it’s a really bad idea to rob a bar where you signed up for the weekly raffle a few days before. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for pointing out this classic story from Norfolk, Nebraska. Bozo Arlie Baxter attempted to hold up the local bank, but did not have a weapon and left empty handed. It was as he was getting into his getaway vehicle that witnesses noticed something that would lead to his capture. It was his personalized license plates. The ones that said "FINDME". And that’s just what the cops did, a couple of hours later. He’s been charged with attempted robbery.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Placer County, California comes the story of bozo "Lewis" Martinez who was being questioned by the cops on theft charges. As the police were interviewing him, the noticed when they asked him to give his name, he first looked down at his hand before reading off the name "Lewis Martinez" that he had written on his palm. And that’s when they grew suspicious that he might not be who he claimed to be. After a quick check of his fingerprints, it was discovered that "Lewis" was actually "Hugo" Martinez who was wanted on the much more serious charge of felony murder. Oops…he’s been booked on the murder charge.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From St. Louis, Missouri comes the story of bozos Gabriel White and Ryan Farmer who were playing a little game of drunk dialing at a party. They would dial numbers at random and then leave threatening or vulgar messages on the answering machine. Their fun came to a screeching halt when they dialed the number for a county judge. He called the cops who used the *69 option to track down our bozos. The party was still in full swing when they were busted.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Gronau, Germany where our bozos held up a money courier, forcing his car off the road. They then had him open up the car’s trunk where one of them grabbed a case before the whole group fled. Obviously thinking they had gotten away with the courier’s money satchel, our bozos were disappointed to find that instead of stealing the money case, they had grabbed the first aid kit out of the car’s trunk.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo. From the International File in Stockholm, Sweden, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a home, stealing a cell phone and other items. When the cops called the cell number, our bozo picked up but didn’t say anything. He also never bothered to hang up, letting the cops hear his conversation with the taxi driver he had hired for his getaway. The open phone connection allowed the cops to track down and arrest our bozo.