Yearly Archives: 2002

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hartford, Connecticut where bozo Larry Darnell snatched a woman’s purse. Our bozo was on the way to a nearby store to use the stolen credit cards when the cell phone in the purse rang. It was the cops, hoping our bozo would answer. But he was too smart for that. Our bozo grabbed the phone and tried to turn it off. Unfortunately, he wasn’t quite smart enough to do that. Instead of hitting the "Off" button, he hit the "Answer" button. Satisfied that the phone had stopped ringing, he threw it back into the purse, which he was still carrying around. The cops could hear everything that was going on and, using the background music to help identify which store he was in, arrested him before he completed his shopping.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fayette County, Pennsylvania where bozo Duron Frank was brought into court on drug possession charges. While in the courthouse, our bozo was approached by a couple of police officers who were there to serve him with a warrant in an unrelated case. Seeing the officers, our bozo became very agitated and said, "Man, I got the blow on me." Oh really? The officers checked him and indeed he was carrying two grams of crack cocaine and some marijuana. Right there in the courthouse. On the day he was scheduled to go before a judge. He’s back behind bars.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Zephyrhills, Florida comes the story of bozo Korey Hardy who had recently been in jail on drug charges. He must have really liked the prison issued orange jumpsuit that he wore while locked up because when he was released he stole it. While this might be a good outfit for lounging around the house it’s not a good one to wear to a rock music festival where there are a lot of cops around. And that’s just what he did. As you might expect, he drew the attention of one of the officers who came over to inquire about his choice in clothing. Our bozo first told him it was a Halloween costume even though he was about six months early for that. The officer ran a quick check and found our bozo was wanted on a parole violation. He’s back in jail, but the good news is he gets to wear his favorite outfit every day.

Before it’s all said and done there may turn out to be several bozos involved in the Robert Blake murder case, but for now we have only one for sure. From San Diego, California comes the brother of the late Bonny Lee Bakley, Joseph Bakley. Bozo Joseph was interviewed on a recent "20/20" about his sister’s death. That’s fine, and perhaps even expected except for one small thing. Bozo Joseph was a wanted man. He had skipped parole on cocaine possession and grand theft charges in Florida. And cops in Florida watch 20/20, too. He’s been arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Sao Luiz Do Maranhao, Brazil where a bozo gang robbed a store, stealing bread, milk, sodas, cookies, chocolate and a small amount of cash. As soon as our bozos fled, the store owner called the cops who arrived quickly. Fast enough in fact to run into our bozos as they returned to the store to steal one more item…they forgot to get butter. They’re now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 8990: When driving a stolen car, it’s not usually a good idea to ask police for help if it breaks down. That’s what happened to bozo Renee Hughes of Billings, Montana who was cruising around in a stolen car when she had a flat. A police officer stopped to offer help and before changing the tire did a routine check of the license plate. When he discovered the car was stolen, he did the gentlemanly thing, he changed the tire while waiting for backup to arrive and arrest our bozo.

Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for sending in this one from the International File. From Penrith, Australia comes the story of a gang of bozos who smashed their truck through the window of a service station. They then proceeded to attach a chain to the ATM machine inside. They connected the chain to the rear of their truck and sped away, planning to take the ATM To their hideout where they could break into it at their leisure and help themselves to the cash inside. Our bozos had obviously never taken a physics class or they might have seen what was coming. As they drug the heavy ATM through the city streets, sparks flew from under the machine and finally the heat built up enough that the whole thing burst into flames. And that’s when our bozos bailed out, leaving their truck and the smoldering ATM behind.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania where bozo Dennis O’Leary held up a bank and made a clean getaway, stuffing the cash in his front pocket and fleeing on foot. He hadn’t gotten very far when he started to attract attention, or at least his pants did. They were smoking. The dye packs in the money had exploded and there was enough red smoke billowing from his trousers that a couple of maintenance guys became suspicious and grabbed him until the cops arrived.

Bozo criminal for today perhaps should have stayed away from that second piece of pie. From the International File in Amsterdam, The Netherlands comes the story of an unidentified bozo prisoner who was just sure he could squeeze through the hatch of his cell door and escape. He was wrong. He was stuck tight and the guards first used oil, then soap and water to try to free him, but to no avail. Finally they had to bring in an oxyacetylene cutting torch to enlarge the hole in the metal door and pull our bozo out. He’s been moved to a more secure cell.

Bozo criminals for today come from San Francisco, California where three bozos broke into an internet cafe the other night and carried out the ATM machine. Most people with plans for breaking into an ATM would carry it to some secluded area to do the deed but if you’re a bozo you take it to the most public of places, a city park. It was there that our gang began banging away on the machine, making all kinds of racket. They didn’t succeed in breaking it open but they did attract the attention of neighbors who called the cops. When the police arrived our bozos played possum, lying down near the ATM and pretending to be asleep while surrounded by steel bars, rocks and the other tools they had used to try to open the machine. The cops weren’t fooled. The bozos were arrested.

Another fraidy cat bozo for today. From the International File in Duesseldorf, Germany comes the story of an unidentified bozo who had the misfortune to break into the house of a dieter late one evening. As our bozo was going through the house he worked up a hunger and opened the refrigerator door. That’s when his troubles really began. To discourage snacking the homeowner had equipped the refrigerator door with an alarm that went off whenever the door was opened. That alarm also seems to discourage bozos because by the time the homeowner made it from the bedroom to the kitchen to investigate our bozo was long gone.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sean Linthicum for sending in today’s report. From Des Moines, Iowa comes the story of a bozo who can take some solace in the fact that he was captured by one of the most famous cops of all time…well, at least by one with one of the most famous names of all time. Bozo Chuck Reed held up the Git-n-Go convenience store, grabbing about $59 from the register and quickly heading for the door. What he didn’t know was that someone had called in a report of a robbery in progress and Elliot Ness had pulled up to investigate. Mr. Ness had seen everything that had gone on and our bozo ran right into his arms on his way out. Eliott Ness, by the way, is a rookie police officer whose parents named him after the famous "untouchable."

Over the years, Bozo Criminals have run afoul of the law in many ways but today’s method of capture may be the weirdest ever. From the International File in London, England comes the story of bozo Harry Brown who was attempting to rob a shopkeeper at knife point. A quick thinking customer rushed up to our bozo and walloped him on the head with the only weapon he had available. A loaf of bread. Must have been "day old" and a little crispy because our bozo was temporarily stunned by the blow, giving the shopkeeper and the customer a chance to wrestle him to the ground. They held him there until police arrived. With his luck he’ll probably be put on bread and water in jail.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule number 0054: There are some places that you just shouldn’t rob. From the International File in Merelbeke, Belgium comes the story of bozo Charles Gerber who broke into a church and grabbed the collection box. Unknown to our bozo, the priest at the church had been worried about theft and had rigged up his own burglar alarm. He connected the church’s bells to the collection box and when our bozo tried to carry it away the church bells started ringing. The priest heard the bells and called the cops who caught our bozo red handed.

Bozo criminal for today proved something we’ve known for a long time…bozos just don’t know when to quit. From Richmond, Virginia comes the story of bozo Mustafa Said who attempted a bank robbery but dropped his loot on the way out, escaping with nothing. He then forced a woman to give him her car keys and drove to another bank. Unfortunately, he couldn’t figure out how to turn off the car alarm so he attracted quite a bit of attention. Undeterred, he went inside and got some cash from a teller but ran into a customer on his way out and fell down. An off duty police officer and another customer caught up with him and put and end to his day of crime.

Bozo criminal for today comes from our hometown of Tyler, Texas once again. An unidentified bozo walked into a pawn shop and for a few moments just stood in the front of the store, perhaps formulating his plan at the last minute. Then, suddenly he grabbed the cash register off the counter and tried to run out the door. Unfortunately he got tangled up in the cash register’s electric cord and tripped, hitting the floor along with the cash register. Thinking this plan needed more work, our bozo fled, leaving the machine behind. Store employees gave chase but he disappeared into a nearby mobile home park. Police are investigating.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Scott Pinkstaff for sending in today’s report. From Lewiston, Maine comes the story of Bozo Kenneth Rodgers who was captured by the cops with a little help from Mother Nature. Bozo Kenneth was pulled over by the cops after a traffic violation. Knowing he was wanted on an assault charge, our bozo bolted from the vehicle into the nearby woods as the officer approached. It was in those woods that our bozo came face to face with another officer…Officer Le Pew. A skunk who scored a direct hit at close range. The stink was so strong that our bozo fell to his knees, temporarily dazed. The officers held their noses and loaded him into the squad car.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Harry Childs for sending in today’s report. From the International File in London, England comes the story of bozo Junior Adams who went into a liquor store along with three accomplices with a plan for pulling off a robbery. First step in the plan, our bozo picked up a can of beer and presented it to the shopkeeper in a ploy to get him to open the register. Things started to go downhill from there, as his accomplices ransacked the shop, grabbing cash, phone cards and booze. In the confusion, our bozo lost his focus, fleeing the store and leaving behind his wallet, his cell phone and his can of beer with his fingerprints on it. He’s been arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Woomera, Australia where two unidentified bozos escaped from the detention center there. Our bozos fled on foot and after awhile they became tired so they headed over to the highway where they flagged down a bus. Not the best plan. It was an unmarked police bus. They got a free ride back to jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Clay, New York where cops were looking for the boyfriend of bozo Roxann Lawrence. So the cops paid a little visit to Roxann’s apartment. When asked about her boyfriend, Willard Franks, Roxann said, nope, never heard of him and got up to show the cops to the door. As she walked in front of them, one of the officers noticed a tattoo on her back that read, "Willard". The officers figured she didn’t get that tattoo because she was a fan of TV weatherman Willard Scott and our bozo’s boyfriend was soon arrested.