Yearly Archives: 2001

Bozo criminal for today comes from our Beware of Bozos Bearing Gifts file. And thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who alerted us to this one from Los Angeles. Bozo Russell Carson worked for one of the large overnight delivery services where he allegedly stole about $14,000 worth of packages between October and December. At Christmas our bozo overwhelmed his family members with extravagant gifts. He told them that he was making good money and had bought the gifts himself. Family members thought otherwise and called the cops. Our bozo had slipped up when he didn’t bother to get gift boxes for all the presents. He simply wrapped them in the boxes they were shipped in, with the address label of the people the packages were intended for still attached.

Bozo criminals for today come from Colleyville, Texas where two thieves stole a van load of cigarettes from a tobacco store. So far so good. But how do you make your getaway if you don’t have a vehicle? You call a taxi, of course. And since cabs aren’t on every corner in Colleyville, the police arrived before the cabbie did.

Thanks to many Bozo News Hawks who alerted me to this classic bozo that was reported by Ann Landers while I was away. From the International File in Bristol, England comes the story of bozo Nigel Firth who shoplifted a couple of live lobsters from their tank in a supermarket and stuffed them into his pants. He was sprinting for the exit when he came to a screeching, and screaming, halt. The lobsters were none too happy to be stuffed in our bozo’s pants and so they did what lobsters do. They used their large and powerful claws to clamp down on whatever was available. Emergency medical technicians were called and had to pry the lobsters loose using pliers. Doctors say our bozo will recover, but will never be a daddy. Thinking he had gone through enough, the supermarket manager declined to prosecute.

(Best of Bozo) From Minneapolis, Minnesota comes the story of bozo Florence Williams who walked into a bar with a parrot in a box. She then began asking patrons of the bar if they would like to buy a parrot. One of the men in the bar took a look at the parrot and said, "That’s a good looking bird. In fact, I’ve got one just like it at home." A little later when the man returned home, he found his apartment had been broken into and the bird stolen. He called the cops who stopped by the bar and found the woman still there, still trying to sell the bird.