Bozo criminal for this morning comes from Kansas City, Missouri where bozo Robert Kramer was arrested and charged with breaking and entering. The bozo jimmied a lock on an apartment door, got in and ransacked the place, taking a small amount of cash, the victim’s wallet, and some jewelry. Police had no problem tracing the break in to our bozo. He left behind his own wallet, complete with ID.
Bozo criminals for today come from Baltimore, Maryland where bozo Robert Quarry and Mike Steiner broke into an auto supply store and stole several car batteries, loading them into the back of their pickup truck. The bozos were unable to make a clean getaway with their haul of batteries, however, because their own car would not start–the reason–the battery was dead.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Fairfax County, Virginia where bozo Ian Priestland was experimenting with building a pipe bomb. After constructing the bomb out of a sawed off piece of a bicycle frame, the bozo was at a loss to figure out how to properly close the end of the pipe. He finally came up with the brilliant idea to use a sledge hammer to slam the end closed. And you can guess what happened. Yep, it blew up. Bozo is going to be ok, though. He’s on jail on illegal weapons charges
Bozo criminal for this morning comes from Durham, North Carolina where bozo Keisha Gregory was arrested for trying to cash a check that did not belong to her. As a matter of fact, the check did not even belong to a person. Somehow, the bozo got a hold of a check made out to a local company, the Tension Envelope Company. Bozo took the check to a nearby bank and tried to cash it, claiming to be Mrs. Tension Envelope. The bank didn’t buy it and called police.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Weiser, Idaho where bozo Keith Porter was a volunteer fireman who was paid $5 an hour whenever he was called in to put out a fire. The more fires there were, the more money the bozo could make. Bozo was arrested when police caught him setting a fire. He later confessed to setting 11 other fires.
Bozo criminal for today, like a lot of us, fell victim to the heat this summer. From Lafayette, Louisiana comes bozo Louis Albright who had the not so bright idea of robbing a branch of the local bank. He had an even less bright idea of a low cost, low fat, completely disposable disguise. He covered his entire head with whipped cream, spraying the stuff all over his head, hair and face. Suitably disguised, the bozo walked right up to the teller and said "put all your money in the sack." Unfortunately, by this time the heat was taking its toll on the bozo’s disguise, causing it to melt and slide down his face and into his eyes. This kept our human hot fudge sundae from noticing as the teller pushed the silent alarm. The bozo was still struggling with his rapidly melting disguise when police arrived.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Naples, Florida, where bozo Paul Brown stole more than $40 worth of razor blades from a Wal-Mart store and then outran a store security guard to make his getaway. That’s the criminal part of the story. Now, for the bozo part. About 30 minutes later, the bozo walks back into the same Wal-Mart and demanded a refund on the stole items. The guard recognized the bozo and called police.
Bozo criminal for today comes from New Dehli, India where police arrested Raj Kumar on attempted theft of a motor vehicle. It was the bozo’s method of stealing the car that got him in trouble. Somewhere, the bozo had stolen a large bag weighing about 40 pounds and full of automobile keys. He picked out the car he wanted and started trying each key in the lock, hoping to find one that would open the door. Neighbors noticed the bozo messing with the car and called police. He was still patiently trying keys in the car’s lock when police arrived.
Bozo criminals for today come from St. Petersberg, Florida where bozos Phillip and Evangelista Danglis were found guilty of sneaking into a cemetery and stealing bones from graves. They sent the bones to their son who was studying anatomy in medical school. They insisted that their son would have returned the bones after he finished with his studies.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Atlanta, Georgia where bozo Michael Robinson was arrested for using a stolen credit card number. Not just any number, no that wouldn’t do for this bozo. He was arrested for using the credit card of former president Jimmy Carter. The bozo got the credit card number of Mr. Carter when he dined at a restaurant where the bozo worked. The bozo was arrested by secret service agents after he tried to charge stereo equipment to the card.
Bozo criminals for today come from Corvallis, Oregon where two bozo drug dealers checked into a Motel 6. When they checked out, they left behind their stash of drugs, their pagers and a client list. When a maid found their stuff, management called police. Meanwhile, the bozos discovered they had left a little something behind and called to ask about recovering it. When the bozos arrived and identified the goods, they were arrested by police.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Brunswick, Georgia, where bozo Robert Preston stole a payroll check and headed to his local supermarket to try to cash it. When he got to the store,the clerk told him to endorse the check and put his drivers license and phone number on the back, which the bozo did. He got away with the cash, but he signed his own name and put his real phone number and license number on the back. Police didn’t have any trouble tracking him down.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Spokane, Washington where the police were having a community "meet the police" night. Residents were invited to stop by a neighborhood park, get to know the police and see some of the latest law enforcement technology. At one booth, the police were showing off their new drivers license computer that was connected directly to the state’s main computer. Police could "run" your drivers license and check to see if you had any outstanding tickets. The police asked for a volunteer to come up and give them his license number. Bor reasons known only to a bozo, Sammy Smith walked up and volunteered. To the cops’ disbelief, when they ran the license, the found the bozo was a wanted man, with several outstanding warrants. He was arrested on the spot.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Columbus, Ohio where bozo Anthony Ervin thought he had found the perfect patsy to rob–a blind man. What he didn’t know was that his potential victim, while having been blind since birth, was also a state wrestling champion. When the bozo tried to accost the victim, he was flipped into the air, slammed to the ground, and pinned until police arrived.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Van Nuys, California where bozo Steve Silvas was on trial for burglary. As the jury was exiting from the courtroom to decide the bozo’s fate, the bozo bolted from the courtroom, punching out a sheriff’s deputy in the process. The bozo ran down the hallway and ran right up to the elevator and punched the down button. He the proceeded to patiently stand there and wait for the elevator to arrive. Other deputies quickly caught up with the bozo and took him back into custody. By the way, the jury quickly returned a guilty verdict on the burglary charge and now the bozo faces the more serious charge of assaulting an officer and attempting to escape.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Trenton, Nebraska where bozo Brian Ledford escaped from the county jail. Bozo was worried that he might call too much attention to himself as he walked down the highway in his bright orange prison jumpsuit. So, he stripped down to his lime green boxer shorts. Plan for remaining inconspicuous didn’t work. Two power company workers who drove by called the cops to report some guy walking down the highway in his underwear.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Lafayette, Louisiana where 20 year old Anthony Wilson was in the process of burglarizing a house when he was surprised by the owner. The bozo told the owner that he didn’t want any trouble and the only reason he had broken into the house was because he was thirsty. He said if he could only have a drink of water, he would leave. The owner gave the bozo his drink, sent him on his way and immediately called police. Police lifted the bozo’s fingerprints off the glass and were able to use the prints to id the bozo and link him to a string of burglaries in the area.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Lacombe, Louisiana where T.P. Impasto was tired of someone breaking into his shed and stealing his stuff. So, he sprinkled red chalk dye on the floor of the shed, hoping to catch a thief. And he did. When bozo Douglas Casborn broke into the shed and carried off a chain saw, some tools and fishing supplies he left behind some very incriminating evidence. A red chalk trail leading from the shed to his front door. When police knocked on the door, they found the stolen articles and a bozo covered in red dye.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Bangkok, Thailand comes the story of a bozo running for office on a law and order platform. One of the bozo’s major campaign promises was to strengthen enforcement of drug laws. To demonstrate just how easy it is to obtain drugs in Bangkok, our bozo purchased some street amphetamines and then called a news conference to inform the public that if he could buy drugs that easily on the street, anyone could. To add emphasis to his news conference, the bozo ground up a pill, heated it on a piece of aluminum foil and inhaled the smoke thru a straw, as a user might do if free-basing. Apparently, his demonstration was a little too graphic. After the news conference, authorities arrested the bozo for possession. Bozo was also in violation of Bozo Rule #92–politicians should never inhale.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Vincenzo Esposito fled Italy two years ago after being sentenced to six years in prison for aggravated robbery. He was recaptured last week trying to sneak back into the country. When officers asked the bozo why he had chanced returning when he knew he would be sent to jail, the bozo said he could not stand the pizza in other parts of Europe and had to return home to get the real thing.