Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jackson, Michigan, where officers at the G. Robert Cotton Correctional Facility saw bozo Christen Mason drive his car up to the fence surrounding the exercise yard. He got out of his car, and, giving a mighty heave, tried to throw a football over the fence and into the exercise yard. Unfortunately, it only got halfway there, landing with a thud in a space between the two fences that surround the yard. Part of the reason for the ball’s inability to remain airborne was what our bozo had placed inside it. Baggies of heroin, marijuana, tobacco, three cellphones and chargers. Guards quickly grabbed our bozo and placed him under arrest.

Over the years in the Bozo Criminal Report, we’ve had any number of unusual things left behind at the scene of the crime, but the one for today is an “Award Winner” for sure! From Lakewood, Washington, comes the story of bozo Alfred Stroupe, who burglarized a residence, getting away with a woman’s purse and a box of coins. Investigating officers noticed something shiny had been left behind in the front yard. Taking a closer look, they found it was a “Salesman of the Month” plaque from the local Mazda dealership. And like most plaques, it came with the winner’s name engraved on it. He”s busted!

We’ve had numerous stories of fake cops before but the one sent in by Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow takes stupidity to a new level. From Weaver, Alabama, comes the story of bozo Bobby Bates who shoved a pistol into his belt and grabbed a fake badge before walking into the City Hall. Once inside, he announced he would like to speak to the mayor. When he was told the mayor was not available, he whipped out a pair of handcuffs and said he was going to arrest him, adding that he worked for the FBI. Not a good idea. Cops still aren’t sure what he had against the mayor, but he’s been charged with felony impersonation of a police officer, making a terrorist threat and carrying a pistol without a permit.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Florissant, Missouri, where wannabe arsonist Adam Goff decided to torch some cars. He set three cars on fire and made what seemed to be a clean getaway. Except for one teensy tiny thing. He left his keys behind. Now, of course keys could be hard to trace, but our bozo’s keychain also contained several store rewards tags. Oops. Using information retrieved from those tags, our bozo was tracked down and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prescott Valley, Arizona, where police were called to a report of gunfire. The police found bozo Cameron Rucker armed with a handgun and offering one of the most unique Bozo Explanations of all time. He told the cops he was doing target practice. And his target? The moon. Yep, he was taking shots at the moon. Guess he was hoping to see a cloud of moon dust if he hit the target. Upon further questioning, he admitted he had smoked some pot before the incident. He’s been charged with unlawful discharge of a firearm, resisting arrest and disorderly conduct.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ocala, Florida. We’ve all heard the saying that you don’t pull on Superman’s cape, and, based on today’s report, you can add something else you shouldn’t tug on. Cops were called to a transient camp where there had been a report of a disturbance. While investigating, the officers noticed bozo Daniel Roberts approaching their police dog, saying,”puppy, puppy,puppy.” The dog’s handler told our bozo the animal was on duty and should not be bothered. Our bozo only stayed away for a short time before approaching again, this time shouting, “puppy, puppy, puppy.” The dog lunged at our bozo and he was once again warned to stay away. After the cops completed their investigation and were leaving, our bozo approached from behind and pulled the dogs tail. This was the last straw, both for the dog and the officers. The dog went after our bozo who was grabbed by the cops and placed under arrest for interfering with a police dog. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Polk County, Florida, where bozo Rodney Baxter got into an argument with his brother. The fight escalated and the cops were called. When they arrived, they discovered the “weapon” that our bozo had used that would ultimately land him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. It seems that during the course of the argument, our bozo went outside and uprooted several marijuana plants from his garden in the back yard and proceeded to whack his brother over the head with them. No severe damage was done, except to the plants. He’s been charged with domestic battery and cultivation of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenville, North Carolina, where Randall Starkey was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violaton. Cops checked the car and found over 150 bags of heroin and $1200. Noticing our bozo was acting rather nervous they decided to search his person. And that’s when they found an additional 40 bags of heroin. Stuffed in his belly button. He’s busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Santa Fe, New Mexico, where a group of teens, aged 15 to 18 failed miserably in their attempt at vandalism. Armed with BB guns, the teens cruised the neighborhood, shooting at windshields of parked cars. Things were going fine until one resident jumped in his car and took off after them. He didn’t attempt to pull them over, instead he just followed them, speeding up when they sped up and slowing down when they slowed down. This so rattled the kids that they took extreme action. The called 911. Not the best idea. The cops caught up with them and, after sorting things out, arrested them and charged them with property damage and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lufkin, Texas, where police were called to a report of a domestic disturbance. After arriving, the cops found several family members involved in a heated argument. Apparently the argument had escalated to the point of physical violence, and one of the women struck the other in the face. It was her choice of weapon that landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. It seems the woman picked up a catfish and slapped the other woman up side the head with it. A man a the scene was arrested on a parole violation, but at this time no charges have been filed against either the women, or the catfish.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Knoxville, Iowa, where bozo Michael Harper was afraid that he was going to be in trouble with his mother. And, not wanting to face a mother’s scorn, he did what any bozo would do. He called the cops and told them he was manufacturing methamphetamine and would they please come arrest him. When they asked why, our bozo told the cops that his mother was going to be mad at him because of another problem and he didn’t want to face her. The cops arrived and searched the home, finding no meth, manufactruing materials or other drug paraphenalia. He was arrested anyway, for making a false report. No response yet from Mom.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Polk City, Florida, where bozo Andrew Justice broke into a vehicle and stole a GPS device. So far, so good. A little later in the evening, he encountered a pack of wild pigs and, while running away from them, he found himself lost. So he used his new GPS to find his way home, right? Wrong. Instead, he called 911 to report he was lost and being chased by wild pigs. Bad idea. The cops found him and discovered he had an open warrant for driving with a suspended license. He’s now had burglary charges added to his rap sheet.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Seattle, Washington, where an officer on patrol noticed a strange sight the other night. He observed bozo Charles Haskins pushing a grocery cart full of packaged meat down the sidewalk. Not only was it a really large amount of meat, but it also wasn’t bagged, so the officer naturally was suspicious. Our bozo offered up the excuse that he was taking the meat to a friend’s house, but a quick call to a nearby grocery provided the real story. Employees said our bozo simply filled the cart with meat and walked out without paying. Unfortunately he walked directly into the arms of the law.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Arlington, Massachusetts, where the cops spotted bozo Brenda Dews driving the wrong way on a one way street, swerving and forcing other cars off the road. As he approached the vehicle, the officer noticed a strong odor of alcohol and asked for her license and registration. That”s when our bozo reached into her purse and pulled out…a credit card and a receipt from the liquor store for a bottle of vodka. Oops. After failing a field sobriety test, she was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today took advantage of one weakness that we all have…fresh, hot pizza. Bozo Thomas Rucker is a member of a local volunteer rescue squad, a group that assists citizens with high water and road rescue operations. He also is a pizza deliveryman for Pizza Hut. So, he decided to combine the two to increase his pizza delivery efficiency, by using the rescue squad emergency lights on his car when he was delivering pizza. Not a good idea. The cops spotted him while he was making a delivery using the lights and charged him with unlawful use of an emergency signal and reckless driving. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today obviously forgot Bozo Rule Number 32459: A getaway car should be inconspicious, and speedy. From Warrenton, Oregon, comes the story of bozo Laurie Chambers who swiped $13 from the tip jar at the local Subway and then tried to use it to purchase her $12.75 meal. The cops were called but our bozo had fled the scene by the time they arrived. While they were there, the received a call about a woman matching her description causing a disturbance at the Rite Aid store a short distance away. Again, she was gone by the time they arrived but this time they got a report of a motorized shopping cart loaded with merchandise being stolen from a Home Depot. And that was her fatal mistake. The cops spotted her, with the cart stacked high with merchandise, motoring down U.S. Highway 101. She’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Port Richey, Florida, where bozo John Cates had a plan. He went down to the local Sears store, gathered up a number of items and, using a box cutter, took the price tags off of them. In doing so, however, he managed to cut himself. He stuffed the items into his pockets and headed to the bathroom. Once there, the sight of his own blood was just too much for him, and he passed out. And that’s where the security guard found him, on the bathroom floor, surrounded by price tags and covered in blood. He’s been charged with theft and possession of marijuana.

Bozo criminal for today from Springfield, Massachusetts proves once again that “honesty is the best policy” is NOT the best policy for bozos. A Springfield cop noticed bozo Robert Ortega zoom through a stop sign and gave chase. He pulled our bozo over and, when the window was rolled down, found himself enveloped in a cloud of smoke. The officer asked, “Are you smoking marijuana while driving this motor vehicle?” To which our bozo truthfully replied, “Why, yes I am, officer.” Busted! He’s been charged with DUI, failure to obey a stop sign, and failure to wear a seat belt.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number #432597: If you’re wanted by the cops, it’s always a good idea to try to remain inconspicious. From Ocala, Florida, comes the story of bozo Anthony Garcia who was hanging around outside the Dollar Tree store. Ordinarily this might not have caused a problem, but it was his appearance that made the employees uncomfortable. He was clad in a business suit, was riding a black bicycle with a green monster sticker and had blusish purple paint spattered on his face. After he made several laps around the parking lot, nervous employees called the cops and, sure enough, they discovered that he was a wanted man, with an outstanding warrant from a nearby county. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s story of a bozo whose heart was in the right place but ended up getting arrested anyway. From Harrison, Arkansas, comes the story of bozo Cory Patterson who broke into a residence and stole prescription medication. When the woman made a post on her Facebook a couple of days later saying that her home had been burglarized, our bozo read it, and apparently had a change of heart. He sent her a message apologizing for the break-in. Apology accepted, but she told the cops about the message anyway. He’s busted!