Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, where bozo Chris Norris ran a pooper scooper business. He was headed to one of his jobs to pick up dog doo when he was pulled over by a cop for a faulty brake light. The story could have ended there except for his bozo attempt to get out of the ticket. He flashed a bogus Secret Service ID Badge and said he was on official business. When he couldn’t explain why a Secret Service agent would need pooper scooper tools the officer became suspicious. After doing some research, he determined the badge was fake and our bozo was arrested. He’s charged with conspiracy to commit an offense against the U.S. which carries a sentence of up to 15 years in prison. He should have just gotten the light fixed.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in West Midlands, England, where bozo Lee Frazier broke into a residence. He was surprised by the homeowner who caught him rummaging through a bedroom. A struggle ensued, and our bozo bit the man on the finger before being sent running from the house when the man’s 93-year-old mother laid into him with her walking stick. It looked like he had made a clean getaway with about $2000 worth of items he grabbed before being caught. Until, that is, the homeowners decided to do some laundry. The heard a strange rattling sound coming from the washer and, after checking, they found a tooth inside the wash tub. Cops determined that our bozo must have lost the tooth in the struggle and it fell into the clothes basket where it remained until they decided to do a load of wash. DNA tests were run on the tooth and turned up a match. Our bozo has been arrested and charged with burglary, assault and possession of drugs.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lino Lakes, Minnesota, where the cops were called to a report of a minor accident. Upon arrival, they found bozo Janet Baker with bloodshot eyes and slurring her speech. Further investigation revealed she had rear-ended a vehicle, causing it to crash into the back of another car. All the drivers escaped with minor injuries. End of story, right? Wrong. It was the excuse she offered up for the accident that landed her in the Bozo Hall of Fame. She told the cops she was upset over Donald Trump’s election and they should overlook the fact that she’d had too much to drink and let her go home. The officers didn’t agree. She’s been charged with gross-misdemeanor charges of criminal vehicular operation and third-degree driving while intoxicated.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Banbridge, Northern Ireland. Cops were called by suspicious neighbors who noticed a prowler outside a residence. When the cops arrived they spotted our bozo who immediately shouted to them to get off his property unless they had a warrant. He added that he was a lawyer and that he was “cleaning out his shed.” All of this might have made some sense if it wasn’t 5:30 in the morning and he wasn’t working in the dark. Oops. After they determined that it was not his property and he was not a lawyer, he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Twin Falls, Idaho, where a woman awake to a strange sound… a man rapping lyrics to a popular song. And it sounded like he was nearby. When she went downstairs, he was closer than she imagined. Our bozo crooner was standing in her kitchen. She showed songbird the door and called the cops, who arrived and found him outside the home. He was found to be in possession of a glass pipe with methamphetamine residue. He’s busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Deal, New Jersey, where bozos Kenneth Boren and Timothy Fletcher called a cab and asked to be taken to a residence. When they arrived, they instructed the driver to wait, which he did. After a short time our bozos returned, loaded down with merchandise, including a TV and several bottles of liquor. The driver then took them to an apartment in Asbury Park where they unloaded their loot and stiffed the driver. Bad idea. The angry driver called the cops who found the stolen items inside the apartment. After confirming that a burglary had taken place at the residence, our bozos were placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Eugene, Oregon, where bozo John Thompson was seen acting strangely in the local Safeway. One of the employees said he was “breathing on fresh produce” and refused to leave when asked. The man then got aggressive with store employees and the cops were called. With the help of some customers, the man was detained until the officers arrived. The cops determined he was intoxicated and he was charged with harassment, disorderly conduct, second degree criminal trespass and, we would assume, improper breathing.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lake Worth, Florida, where there had been a rash of car vandalism. A number of cars had graffiti painted on them but there was one “special” vehicle that sealed our bozo’s fate. On that car, instead of the usual graffiti, a name was clearly written. Yep, our bozo tagged the car with his own name. The cops ran a quick search of the name and a hit turned up in the neighborhood. When they went to the residence, he was found to be in possession of marijuana and was also wearing the same clothes he had on in surveillance footage of some of the crimes. He’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report from Ontario, Oregon, where bozo Greg Hansen was on the run from the law. After leading the cops on a high speed chase he ditched the car and ran into the woods. And that’s where things began to go terribly wrong. He came upon a large badger hole and, for reasons known only to the bozo mind, he decided to hide in it. He didn’t get very far in before he discovered it was too small for him to go any further. Unfortunately, he was stuck tight and couldn’t work his way out. As he started to lose the feeling in his arms, he decided he’d better call for help. A police dog led the cops to our stuck bozo and after 90 minutes of digging he was extricated. Luckily for him the badger was not home. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Negaunee Township, Michigan, where police were called to a report of an attempted break-in at a residence, with a homeowner reporting someone banging on the front door. When the cops arrived, they found the suspect on the front porch. After being confronted by the homeowner and the cops, our bozo fled into the woods. He didn’t run far, however, as the cops found him a short time later, unconscious in front of a large tree. As best as the police are able to determine, our crook ran headfirst into the tree as he attempted his getaway. He was revived and placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Santa Rosa Beach Florida, where residents of a condominium community observed a naked man carrying a can of Coors Light going door to door banging on windows and doors. The cops were called and they arrived to find our bozo completely naked and extremely intoxicated. It was the answer he gave the cops when they asked exactly what he was doing that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He told the cops he was in an amorous mood and was looking for someone who wanted some lovin’. Maybe next time he should try Tinder. He’s been charged with disorderly intoxication and public lewdness.

There have been numerous reports recently about “Scary Clowns”. Here’s a Bozo version from Clarksville, Tennessee. Police received several reports of a naked woman in clown makeup running up and down a road, apparently chasing cars. While the officers were headed to the location, four calls were placed to 911 by a woman who cursed and threatened the dispatchers. Police arrived at the scene and found our bozo inside her house, still wearing the clown makeup, and wearing a sports bra and pajama pants while drinking a beer. She was arrested after she admitted she had been chasing cars and also admitting to making the threatening calls to 911.

Bozo criminal for today had apparently been watching Crimestoppers and decided to help the cops out. Bozo Amber Harper from Oneonta, New York drove to the New York State Police station to report a theft. While the officer on duty interviewed her, he noticed she was slurring her words and seemed to be quite lethargic. A quick investigation revealed that she had driven herself to the station while impaired by drugs. She’s busted! No word on the investigation into the theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Phoenix, Arizona, where the cops attempted to pull over bozo Charles Taylor on an outstanding warrant. Our bozo refused to stop and instead led the cops on a slow speed chase before pulling into the drive-thru at the local In-N-Out Burger. He spent several minutes ordering before pulling through and briefly stopping before thinking better of things and exiting the parking lot. He then drove to a nearby neighborhood where he surrendered to the officers. No word on the fate of the burger.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report from Aggieland, Bryan, Texas. It seems our 19 year-old bozo really wanted to send her boyfriend a nude selfie on her Snapchat. And as you know, sometimes such things just can’t wait. So she posed for the sexy shot and…wham! She crashed into the back of a patrol car. Yep, she was driving AND Snapchating. Fortunately, she wasn’t injured. Unfortunately, she’s been charged with DUI.

Our bozo criminal for today’s heart was in the right place, it was his brain that was misplaced. Police in Winter Haven, Florida, say bozo Brian Clifford was caught stuffing three packs of electronic wire down his pants at the local Walmart. When he tried to leave without paying for the $87.91 worth of merchandise, he was detained by store employees until the police arrived. When the cop asked our bozo why he was stealing the wire, he replied that he was going to sell it for cash to bail his wife out of jail. It seems she had been arrested earlier in the day…on shoplifting charges. He’s joined her in the slammer.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Casper, Wyoming, where bozo David Shafer’s search for love led him to answer an online ad. He arranged to meet a hooker for sex, but it was his method of payment that landed him in the Bozo Hall of Fame. He worked out a deal to pay for his romantic encounter with a Quarter Pounder with cheese and a medium order of fries. What he didn’t know was that he was dealing with an undercover police officer and not a real hooker. He was arrested when he showed up for his tryst, McDonalds bag in hand.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Stamford, Connecticut, where bozo Donald Baxter loved sweets. Really, really loved sweets. So much so, in fact, that after he robbed a convenience store of $800, he immediately headed to a bakery to stock up on cookies and espresso. Unfortunately, he got lost along the way and he flagged down a passing motorist to ask for directions. As luck would have it, that passing motorist just happened to be a plain clothes investigator on the way to the scene of his holdup. After the cop got to the the store and watched the surveillance tape, he recognized our bozo immediately. He headed straight for the bakery, where he found our bozo enjoying his snack. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today from Eureka Springs, Arkansas, wanted to buy a used motorcycle but he was a little short of funds. Step one: He contacted the person that had the bike for sale and said he wanted to buy it. Step two: He robbed the local bank, getting away with $3500 in cash. Step three: He went to close the deal and pick up his bike. All was going smoothly until the father of the young man who had the bike for sale showed up to help him close the deal. And, as luck would have it, the father turned out to be a police officer who received a report of the robbery while he was there. Step four: After determining the cash came from the robbery our bozo was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today from Brooks, Oregon, had a lot of marijuana but what he really wanted was a snowmobile. So, he did the obvious thing. He reached out to the owner of a snowmobile and offered to trade a pound of pot for the vehicle. Great idea, right? Not. The owner of the snowmobile just happened to be an Oregon State trooper. After receiving the offer, the cops set up a meeting with several other officers in unmarked cars also in attendance. Our bozo is now under arrest.