Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spokane, Washington where the police were having a community "meet the police" night. Residents were invited to stop by a neighborhood park, get to know the police and see some of the latest law enforcement technology. At one booth, the police were showing off their new drivers license computer that was connected directly to the state’s main computer. Police could "run" your drivers license and check to see if you had any outstanding tickets. The police asked for a volunteer to come up and give them his license number. Bor reasons known only to a bozo, Sammy Smith walked up and volunteered. To the cops’ disbelief, when they ran the license, the found the bozo was a wanted man, with several outstanding warrants. He was arrested on the spot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Columbus, Ohio where bozo Anthony Ervin thought he had found the perfect patsy to rob–a blind man. What he didn’t know was that his potential victim, while having been blind since birth, was also a state wrestling champion. When the bozo tried to accost the victim, he was flipped into the air, slammed to the ground, and pinned until police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Van Nuys, California where bozo Steve Silvas was on trial for burglary. As the jury was exiting from the courtroom to decide the bozo’s fate, the bozo bolted from the courtroom, punching out a sheriff’s deputy in the process. The bozo ran down the hallway and ran right up to the elevator and punched the down button. He the proceeded to patiently stand there and wait for the elevator to arrive. Other deputies quickly caught up with the bozo and took him back into custody. By the way, the jury quickly returned a guilty verdict on the burglary charge and now the bozo faces the more serious charge of assaulting an officer and attempting to escape.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Trenton, Nebraska where bozo Brian Ledford escaped from the county jail. Bozo was worried that he might call too much attention to himself as he walked down the highway in his bright orange prison jumpsuit. So, he stripped down to his lime green boxer shorts. Plan for remaining inconspicuous didn’t work. Two power company workers who drove by called the cops to report some guy walking down the highway in his underwear.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lafayette, Louisiana where 20 year old Anthony Wilson was in the process of burglarizing a house when he was surprised by the owner. The bozo told the owner that he didn’t want any trouble and the only reason he had broken into the house was because he was thirsty. He said if he could only have a drink of water, he would leave. The owner gave the bozo his drink, sent him on his way and immediately called police. Police lifted the bozo’s fingerprints off the glass and were able to use the prints to id the bozo and link him to a string of burglaries in the area.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lacombe, Louisiana where T.P. Impasto was tired of someone breaking into his shed and stealing his stuff. So, he sprinkled red chalk dye on the floor of the shed, hoping to catch a thief. And he did. When bozo Douglas Casborn broke into the shed and carried off a chain saw, some tools and fishing supplies he left behind some very incriminating evidence. A red chalk trail leading from the shed to his front door. When police knocked on the door, they found the stolen articles and a bozo covered in red dye.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Bangkok, Thailand comes the story of a bozo running for office on a law and order platform. One of the bozo’s major campaign promises was to strengthen enforcement of drug laws. To demonstrate just how easy it is to obtain drugs in Bangkok, our bozo purchased some street amphetamines and then called a news conference to inform the public that if he could buy drugs that easily on the street, anyone could. To add emphasis to his news conference, the bozo ground up a pill, heated it on a piece of aluminum foil and inhaled the smoke thru a straw, as a user might do if free-basing. Apparently, his demonstration was a little too graphic. After the news conference, authorities arrested the bozo for possession. Bozo was also in violation of Bozo Rule #92–politicians should never inhale.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. Bozo Vincenzo Esposito fled Italy two years ago after being sentenced to six years in prison for aggravated robbery. He was recaptured last week trying to sneak back into the country. When officers asked the bozo why he had chanced returning when he knew he would be sent to jail, the bozo said he could not stand the pizza in other parts of Europe and had to return home to get the real thing.

Bozo criminal for this morning comes from Oklahoma City, OK where James Knapp walked into a convenience store, threatened the clerk with a knife and demanded cash. When she gave the bozo the money, he thanked her, walked out and proceeded to sit down on the curb in front of the store. When police arrived, he jumped up and announced to them that he was the man they were looking for. The police, somewhat surprised, put the bozo in cuffs and took him in. At the trial, the bozo gave his reason for robbing the store and immediately giving himself up. He had only recently been released from jail and his missed his cell mates and wanted to return to jail to he could be with them. He got his wish.

Bozo criminal for today is Stephen Raines from West Palm Beach, Florida. Bozo walked into a bar and ordered a shot of vodka and a plate of lemons. He got chatty with the bartender and then asked if it would be ok for him to count his money on the bar. Bartender said fine but was surprised when the bozo dumped more than $10,000 on the bar and started sorting it. Bartender got suspicious and called police who came and arrested the bozo for robbing two banks just before stopping into the bar.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Ashland, Kentucky where Fred Hills was on a prison work release program, doing community service work for the county parks department. He was supposed to work on groundskeeping in the parks. Instead, he had been working on his own marijuana farm. Authorities found twenty one marijuana plants growing rapidly and almost ready for harvesting. So why did our bozo get caught? His gardens spot was only 150 feet from the state police department headquarters.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacob Lake, Arizona where bozo drug dealer Germain Berrella was in a bind after his car broke down on the highway. Luckily for him a truck driver stopped and offered to take him into town. The bozo insisted on taking some personal items with him inside the truck. Some of them were understandable–clothes, a shaving kit and ….his spare tire. After dropping the bozo off at a local motel, the truck driver called police who found 11 pounds of marijuana inside the spare tire.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule #609: If you’re a drug courier carrying a large amount of illegal drugs, you should obey the basic traffic laws–especially if there’s a police car in the vicinity. Bozo John Tanayo of New York City failed to signal for a right turn with a police car right behind him. Police pulled him over, noticed he seemed a little nervous, checked the trunk and found 573 pounds of cocaine, about 5 million dollars worth.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Baltimore, Maryland. Bozo Ricky Simon walked into a convenience store, flashed a revolver and demanded money. As the cashier was getting the money, she noticed the bozo was a little fidgety. And with good reason…She handed the bozo his cash and he asked her if the store had a restroom. She directed him to the back and as soon as he shut the door she called police, who happened to be in the neighborhood. Officers arrived just as the bozo was heading out the door.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Denver, Colorado where bozo Stephen Burns was enjoying a pitcher of beer in a local bar. He had his back to the TV, which was tuned to America’s Most Wanted, when his picture came on. The bartender watched the story explaining how the bozo was a wanted bank robber. He checked the picture on the TV and checked the bozo and felt sure that they were one and the same. Bartender called police and they arrived just as the bozo was getting ready to order another round.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Charlotte, North Carolina. This bozo had obviously not yet perfected his craft. Bozo Richard Reeved planned on robbing a bank. To conceal his identity, the bozo put a paper bag over his head. Only problem, he put the bag on his head in his car while he was still several blocks away from the bank. Alert drivers in nearby cars called the police and alerted them of a suspicious man driving a car wearing a bag over his head. Once inside, our bozo could not be understood because he forgot to cut a mouth hole in the bag. After repeating himself several times, he finally got a handful of money and ran out of the bank and into the waiting arms of police officers.

Bozo criminals for today aren’t really criminals. They’re only kids. They’re not even really bozos, they’re just kids. But, here goes. From Kimmswick, Missouri come the story of two kids , brother and sister, both under five years of age who were watching a Barney video entitled "Barney’s Campfire Singalong". The video supposedly shows Barney the dinosaur making a fire by rubbing two sticks together. The kids decided to try this little trick for themselves. Only the sticks they rubbed together were matches. No one was hurt in the ensuing blaze, but the double wide trailer the kids and their parents lived in burned to the ground.

B Bozo criminals for today come from New York City where two bozos carjacked Bessie Cassaro’s car. The two men forced Bessie into the trunk and drove away. Instead of panicking, Bessie began unplugging the car’s taillights. Sure enough, it wasn’t very long before the bozo carjackers were pulled over by police, who heard Bessie banging on the trunk and arrested the bozos.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Reno, Nevada where bozo Chris Connally held up a gas station. As the attendant was emptying out the cash register, he told the bozo, "Remember, every victim is entitled to one phone call." The incredibly stupid bozo said OK and allowed the attendant to make a call. He called the cops and before you could say reach out and touch someone, the bozo was in custody.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City, where 19 year old bozo Lena (Last name withheld) had been flown in from California to do a tabloid tv show about people who use drugs on a regular basis. She told everyone on coast to coast tv that she used marijuana each day and had never been in trouble. Maybe she should have left the dope at home just this one time. She was busted at the airport by drug sniffing dogs.