The Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where a couple came home to find their house had been broken into. Police were called and were investigating the crime scene when a sharp-eared officer heard a beeping sound coming from a closet. He opened the door, and sure enough our bozo thief was hiding there, given away by his beeping alarm wristwatch.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From La Ronge, Saskatchewan, Canada comes the story of James Fennigan, who walked into a hotel with his fingers cocked in the shape of a handgun. Pointing his fingers at the clerk, he shouted, "This is a stickup. I’m not fooling around." Amazingly, the clerk was not frightened by the bozo’s weapon. Instead of handing over the cash, the clerk called for security who rushed over and quickly disarmed and arrested our bozo.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Knoxville, Tennessee where bozo Jamaal Wallace was pulled over at a routine traffic checkpoint. Police officers were taken aback by the scent of air freshener when the bozo rolled down his window. Looking inside, the cops noticed that our bozo had hung 20 of the "pine tree" type air fresheners insided the car. Thinking the bozo might be trying to cover up the aroma of something, the police checked the bozo’s trunk and sure enough they found 300
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Anaheim, California where Bozo Clyde Hampton robbed a bank, and then made his getaway on foot. Or so he thought. You see, what he was wearing made him rather easy to spot. His attire–a dark blue business suit with a pair of pink fuzzy slippers. Police quickly spotted and apprehended the guy, who could offer no logical explanation as to why he robbed a bank in a suit and
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Medford, Oregon where Robert Finney was arrested for growing marijuana. When he came before the judge, his excuse was that he didn’t know the four foot tall plant was marijuana. He claimed that someone had sold it to him as a "living christmas tree."
The Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Aelta, Sweden comes the story of a bozo who was arrested after police received complaints of a naked guy riding down the street on his motorcycle. The bozo’s excuse? He said he was a member of a motorcycle gang and he was going to pay a visit to a rival gang and he felt the best way to demonstrate that he was unarmed was to strip naked. That’s also the best way to demonstrate that you’re a bozo.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where Bozo Joseph Castellano walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts wearing a jacket with his name on it and carrying a fake pistol. He shoved the gun in the clerk’s face and demanded money. When the clerk started crying, the bozo tried to calm her down by showing her the gun was fake. He then said to forget about the money, just give him a cup of coffee to go, which the waitress did. The bozo then walked out of the Dunkin’ Donuts and right into his home, which was only two doors away. He was enjoying his cup of coffee when police arrived.
The Bozo Criminal for today was foiled by his modern technology. Bozo Michael Lloyd Jackson of Conyers, Georgia, called the cops to report his recently purchased Mercedes convertible had been stolen. The cops checked the records and found that the car was equipped with something called a Lojack, a hidden transmitter that, when triggered by police, sends out a radio signal that leads them to the vehicle. In this case, the transmitter led them directly to the bozo’s own basement, where he had hidden his own car, hoping to claim it as stolen and collect on insurance.
This morning we have our first confirmed Generation X Bozos. These two may not exactly be criminals but they are certainly bozos. From Ithaca, New York comes the story of two college students who were arrested after getting into a fight in a bar. The reason for the fight? The two bozos were arguing over who had the better looking goatee.
The Bozo criminals for this morning come from Suburban Atlanta, Georgia, where 19 year old Sherrod Terry and 20 year old Akram Muhammad were trapped inside the Long John Silver’s restaurant they were trying to rob after police responded quickly to a burglary call, catching the bozos red handed. As the stand off wore on, with the police surrounding the outside and the two bozos inside, the crooks ran out of ideas as to how they could escape. Finally, one of the bozos got so desperate that he called his mother for advice. She told them to surrender, which they did.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who pointed out this story in a recent Ann Landers column. The police department in Valley Springs, California received a cell phone call from a motorist who said that the truck driver right in front of him was weaving all over the road and should be pulled over. Officers were dispatched and quickly found the trucker and pulled him over. The car behind the truck who had called in the complaint also pulled over. Police checked the truck driver and found him to be sober and in good shape. They then went back to the car that had called in the complaint. And that’s where they found our bozo–extremely drunk–twice the legal limit. He was so drunk, he didn’t realize that the truck was driving in a straight line, it was the bozo who was swerving all over the road. This is the first case in bozo history of a bozo actually having himself arrested.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Providence, Rhode Island, where bozo David Posman held up an armored car, knocking out the driver and grabbing the four nearest bags of money. Unfortunately, the bozo chose four bags containing $800 worth of pennies and weighing 30 pounds each. Even more unfortunate, the bozo was on foot. He was slowed to a stagger by the weight of the pennies and was quickly caught from behind by the police.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pontiac, Michigan, where bozo Christopher Johns was appearing in court on charges of possession of drugs. The bozo said the case against him was no good since he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the police didn’t need a warrant because a bulge in the bozo’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the bozo who happened to be wearing that same jacket that day in court. He handed the jacket over to the judge so he could examine it. While he was looking over the jacket, a package of cocaine fell out of the pocket.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pontiac, Michigan, where bozo Christopher Johns was appearing in court on charges of possession of drugs. The bozo said the case against him was no good since he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the police didn’t need a warrant because a bulge in the bozo’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the bozo who happened to be wearing that same jacket that day in court. He handed the jacket over to the judge so he could examine it. While he was looking over the jacket, a package of cocaine
The Bozo criminal for today wins our award for having the worst excuse of the month. From the International File in Liege, Belgium comes the story of the bozo who was brought in by police for questioning regarding the robbery of a jewelry store. The bozo told police that there was no way he could have robbed the jewelry store because he was busy breaking into a school at the same time. Police then arrested him for breaking into the school.
The Bozo criminal for this morning comes from West Orange, New Jersey where bozo Jamill Hilton robbed a woman at knifepoint, but took a wrong turn on his getaway. He headed down a road on which there was a funeral motorcade for a fallen state trooper. The road was absolutely full of police cars and of course the bozo was not patient enough to let them pass. As any bozo would, he tried to break into the motorcade. In the process, he ended up trading gunshots with several officers. The bozo was arrested, unhurt, when he crashed his car into two police cars.
ABozo News Hawk award to Ed Pennell who sent us this bozo story via the internet. From Cardiff, South Wales comes the story of bozo Mark Cason who walked into the local post office, flashed a gun-replica cigarette lighter and demanded all the money in the safe. The postmaster produced $15,000, most of it in coins. This was a very large and heavy package, so our bozo asked two children standing in the post office to get the door for him. They obliged, and in the process wrote down the license number of his getaway car. The bozo managed to make it to a nearby hotel, stashing his loot in the hotel’s safe. He checked in under an assumed name and told the receptionist that if the police came by looking for him to tell them he wasn’t there. Police did arrive and arrest the bozo, but not before he had run up a $4000 food and drink tab.
A Bozo News Hawk award for today goes to Miller Duncan who sent us this bozo report via the internet. It seems an ambulance was called to a disturbance at a trailer park in Laurel, Maryland. When emergency personnel arrived, they discovered that a husband and wife had been having a nasty quarrel with the husband suffering a head laceration as a result of being hit over the head with a beer bottle by his wife. The wife wanted him to go to the hospital and even though it was obvious he needed stitches, the husband refused to go. The police explained to the wife that she couldn’t force him to go and that the husband could refuse treatment if he wanted. They told her the only was she could have him sent to the hospital was if he were unconscious. The next thing the police knew, the wife emerged from the kitchen waving a huge iron skillet, threatening to knock him out cold so that the crew could take him to the hospital. The police arrested the bozo wife and her hubby went to the hospital.
The Bozo criminal for today can’t win for losing. 23 year old bozo Donald Heming of Maryville, Missouri reported to jail to begin serving a 45 day sentence for violating probation. Checking into jail, he was caught carrying two packs of cigarettes and two books of matches. It’s a non smoking prison so he was violating rules by bringing in cigarettes. Furthermore, matches contain alkaloids which are illegal in jail because they can be used to make drugs. And thirdly, the matches could be used as weapons. Our bozo was charged with bringing drug parapheranalia and weapons into jail, a felony. The charges on those three offenses could add up to 40 years in prison, instead of the 45 days he was originally in for. He’ll appeal.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from St. Louis, Missouri where bozo Michael Haynes robbed a local bank. After handing the teller a note and getting his money, our bozo walked out of the bank and into a hardware store right next door. While there he bought a 25 foot measuring tape and asked the store owner to call him a cab. He was calmly waiting for the cab when police arrived.