Thanks to several bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story to us in the local papers. From Longview, Texas comes the story of three bozos who were arrested on charges of using stolen credit cards. The three took the stolen cards on a shopping spree at the mall and were caught when a department store cashier noticed that one of the bozos had misspelled the name on the card when signing the receipt.
Thanks to several bozo News Hawks who pointed out this bozo story to us in the local papers. From Longview, Texas comes the story of three bozos who were arrested on charges of using stolen credit cards. The three took the stolen cards on a shopping spree at the mall and were caught when a department store cashier noticed that one of the bozos had misspelled the name on the card when signing the receipt.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Oxnard, California where bozo Keith Wallace had taught his three year old son that even though dad smoked pot, it was bad and he shouldn’t ever touch it. Last week our bozo was pulled over by the cops for speeding. While the police officer was checking the bozo’s license, the bozo’s son reached under the seat and pulled out a bag of marijuana, holding it up to the police officer and saying, "Bad. Bad. Bad." The cop checked the bag and arrested the bozo.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon where bozo Duane Babcock robbed a bank and made a clean getaway by hailing a cab outside the branch of the Bank of America he had just held up. The driver, who knew nothing about the robbery, took the bozo to his residence. Later, when the FBI questioned the cabbie, he told them he not only recoginzed the robber, he knew right where he lived. To compound his problems, the bozo still had the holdup note in his pocket when the police arrived.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Lee’s Summit, Missouri, where Bozo Gary Aicard wins our excuse of the week. Our bozo was arrested after he was spotted running naked thru the building where he was employed as a security guard. There had been several reports of a streaker in the building in previous days. When confronted by police, the bozo said he had stripped naked in an effort to befriend the real streaker so he could catch him.
The Bozo criminal for to day probably shouldn’t have gone hunting. From Bowling Green, Ohio comes the story of Bozo Doug Vestal who got his name and picture in the local paper after bagging a trophy buck. Only problem, our bozo is on probation and is not allowed to own or carry any weapons. His probation officer spotted his picture in the paper and called the cops who searched his house and found two rifles and 200 rounds of ammo. He’s now back in jail.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where a couple came home to find their house had been broken into. Police were called and were investigating the crime scene when a sharp-eared officer heard a beeping sound coming from a closet. He opened the door, and sure enough our bozo thief was hiding there, given away by his beeping alarm wristwatch.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From La Ronge, Saskatchewan, Canada comes the story of James Fennigan, who walked into a hotel with his fingers cocked in the shape of a handgun. Pointing his fingers at the clerk, he shouted, "This is a stickup. I’m not fooling around." Amazingly, the clerk was not frightened by the bozo’s weapon. Instead of handing over the cash, the clerk called for security who rushed over and quickly disarmed and arrested our bozo.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Knoxville, Tennessee where bozo Jamaal Wallace was pulled over at a routine traffic checkpoint. Police officers were taken aback by the scent of air freshener when the bozo rolled down his window. Looking inside, the cops noticed that our bozo had hung 20 of the "pine tree" type air fresheners insided the car. Thinking the bozo might be trying to cover up the aroma of something, the police checked the bozo’s trunk and sure enough they found 300
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Anaheim, California where Bozo Clyde Hampton robbed a bank, and then made his getaway on foot. Or so he thought. You see, what he was wearing made him rather easy to spot. His attire–a dark blue business suit with a pair of pink fuzzy slippers. Police quickly spotted and apprehended the guy, who could offer no logical explanation as to why he robbed a bank in a suit and
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Medford, Oregon where Robert Finney was arrested for growing marijuana. When he came before the judge, his excuse was that he didn’t know the four foot tall plant was marijuana. He claimed that someone had sold it to him as a "living christmas tree."
The Bozo criminal for today is from the International File. From Aelta, Sweden comes the story of a bozo who was arrested after police received complaints of a naked guy riding down the street on his motorcycle. The bozo’s excuse? He said he was a member of a motorcycle gang and he was going to pay a visit to a rival gang and he felt the best way to demonstrate that he was unarmed was to strip naked. That’s also the best way to demonstrate that you’re a bozo.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Bristol, Connecticut, where Bozo Joseph Castellano walked into a Dunkin’ Donuts wearing a jacket with his name on it and carrying a fake pistol. He shoved the gun in the clerk’s face and demanded money. When the clerk started crying, the bozo tried to calm her down by showing her the gun was fake. He then said to forget about the money, just give him a cup of coffee to go, which the waitress did. The bozo then walked out of the Dunkin’ Donuts and right into his home, which was only two doors away. He was enjoying his cup of coffee when police arrived.
The Bozo Criminal for today was foiled by his modern technology. Bozo Michael Lloyd Jackson of Conyers, Georgia, called the cops to report his recently purchased Mercedes convertible had been stolen. The cops checked the records and found that the car was equipped with something called a Lojack, a hidden transmitter that, when triggered by police, sends out a radio signal that leads them to the vehicle. In this case, the transmitter led them directly to the bozo’s own basement, where he had hidden his own car, hoping to claim it as stolen and collect on insurance.
This morning we have our first confirmed Generation X Bozos. These two may not exactly be criminals but they are certainly bozos. From Ithaca, New York comes the story of two college students who were arrested after getting into a fight in a bar. The reason for the fight? The two bozos were arguing over who had the better looking goatee.
The Bozo criminals for this morning come from Suburban Atlanta, Georgia, where 19 year old Sherrod Terry and 20 year old Akram Muhammad were trapped inside the Long John Silver’s restaurant they were trying to rob after police responded quickly to a burglary call, catching the bozos red handed. As the stand off wore on, with the police surrounding the outside and the two bozos inside, the crooks ran out of ideas as to how they could escape. Finally, one of the bozos got so desperate that he called his mother for advice. She told them to surrender, which they did.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks who pointed out this story in a recent Ann Landers column. The police department in Valley Springs, California received a cell phone call from a motorist who said that the truck driver right in front of him was weaving all over the road and should be pulled over. Officers were dispatched and quickly found the trucker and pulled him over. The car behind the truck who had called in the complaint also pulled over. Police checked the truck driver and found him to be sober and in good shape. They then went back to the car that had called in the complaint. And that’s where they found our bozo–extremely drunk–twice the legal limit. He was so drunk, he didn’t realize that the truck was driving in a straight line, it was the bozo who was swerving all over the road. This is the first case in bozo history of a bozo actually having himself arrested.
The Bozo criminal for today comes from Providence, Rhode Island, where bozo David Posman held up an armored car, knocking out the driver and grabbing the four nearest bags of money. Unfortunately, the bozo chose four bags containing $800 worth of pennies and weighing 30 pounds each. Even more unfortunate, the bozo was on foot. He was slowed to a stagger by the weight of the pennies and was quickly caught from behind by the police.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pontiac, Michigan, where bozo Christopher Johns was appearing in court on charges of possession of drugs. The bozo said the case against him was no good since he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the police didn’t need a warrant because a bulge in the bozo’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the bozo who happened to be wearing that same jacket that day in court. He handed the jacket over to the judge so he could examine it. While he was looking over the jacket, a package of cocaine fell out of the pocket.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Pontiac, Michigan, where bozo Christopher Johns was appearing in court on charges of possession of drugs. The bozo said the case against him was no good since he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the police didn’t need a warrant because a bulge in the bozo’s jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said the bozo who happened to be wearing that same jacket that day in court. He handed the jacket over to the judge so he could examine it. While he was looking over the jacket, a package of cocaine