Author: dave

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tim Woodruff of Diana, Texas who passed along today’s report. From Lynwood, Washington, comes the story of Bozo Ben Wright who robbed a bank in Lynwood. The bozo grabbed his cash and made a quick break for it in his getaway vehicle which was an extremely large motor home. His getaway was considerably less quick than he had hoped, however, as the motor home soon became ensnarled in heavy noontime traffic. Police officers on foot were able to overtake and arrest him.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Saratoga Springs, New York where Bozo Tracy Wilson walked into a bank and tried to pass a counterfeit $50 bill. A very poor counterfeit at that– instead of Ulysses S. Grant who’s picture is on the $50, the Bozo’s bill had a picture of Andrew Jackson, who is actually on the $20. The teller immediately noticed the fake and tried to talk our bozo out of trying to pass it, telling him passing counterfeit money was illegal. The bozo, however was insistent. He was still demanding that the teller cash the bill when the guard walked over and took him into custody.

The Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2256: When you choose something to steal, try to find something that won’t draw attention to yourself. From Morristown, New Jersey comes the story of Bozo Rondal Daniel who stole a bright orange and pink Dunkin Donuts van from in front of a Dunkin Donuts shop. The police were notified and soon the cops were in hot pursuit. Don’t know if it was because he stole the van from the cops’ favorite eatery or what, but before long our bozo was being pursued down the interstate by a long line of troopers and local cops from two states, sirens wailing and lights flashing. It looked like something straight out of Smokey and the Bandit. Our bozo finally pulled over and was arrested for drunk driving. The moral to the story–don’t mess with the cops donut supply.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Davenport, Iowa where Bozo Chad Ramsey stole two cases of beer from a convenience store. In his haste to get away, he ran away from the scene of the crime leaving his car parked in the alley behind the store. The bozo then had to decide how to handle the now abandoned car. He came up with the bright idea of calling the police and reporting the car as stolen. When the cops found the car, they asked him to report to the store to identify the vehicle. When he showed up, witnesses identified our bozo as the thief.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jim Dickson of Tyler who passed along today’s Bozo Report. From Plymouth, North Carolina comes the story of two bozos who were foiled by modern technology. It seems that during a break in at a high school our bozo burglars found a camera in one of the classrooms and amused themselves by taking pictures of each other committing the crime. When they couldn’t figure out how to get the film out of the camera, they concluded that it wasn’t loaded and left it behind. Wrong. It was one of the new digital cameras that stores pictures on a computer disc. Investigators downloaded the snapshots to a computer and got a complete photographic record of the crime. The next picture the bozos had made was their mug shots.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who passed along today’s Report from Austin, Texas. Bozo Bobby Wolfe was arrested by police responding to a report of a store robbery. The police grabbed our bozo as he was running naked down the street. He told the cops he’d stripped after the robbery because he was worried that his clothes would make him identifiable.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from New Orleans, Louisiana where bozo Ernestine Ferguson stole a refrigerator from the Edwards Elementary School where she worked. When she got it home she discovered that the refrigerator was not working. So, what would a bozo do? Of course she called someone from the New Orleans School System’s maintenance department and asked them to come over to her house and repair it. The suspicious repair man called the cops.

Bozo News Hawk Awards to the officers of the Huntington, Texas police department who passed along this story. From Huntington, Texas comes the story of Bozo Suzie Malone who was arrested for cashing a forged check. And how did the cops track her down? Easy. When she cashed the forged check she wrote her real drivers license number on the back of the check.

The Bozo criminals for today come from New Britain, Connecticut where bozos Paul Christopher and Peter Taylor had been drinking all night at a local bar. When it closed down the bozos when looking for someplace else to get a drink. They came upon another bar and, finding it closed, decided to break in. What the bozos failed to realize was that the building they’d actually broken into was the office next door to the bar, which happened to be a bank. Police, responding to the bank’s silent alarm, found the bozos wandering around, still trying to find something to drink.

The Bozo Criminal for today comes from St. Albans, West Virginia where Bozo James Brunson visited the police station one night and told the officers that he’d always wanted to go for a ride in a police car. He got his wish when one of the officers recognized the bozo as being wanted for stealing an air conditioner from a woman’s home.

The Bozo Criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 7609: If you are a wanted man, it’s not a good idea to get yourself involved in a high profile medical transplant. From the International File in Lyon, France comes this update. You no doubt heard the story about the man, Clint Hallam who was the first person to receive a transplanted hand. Turns out he also was wanted for seven counts of fraud involving pyramid type schemes. He was served with court papers after police recognized his name and picture in the newspaper.

The Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan who passed along this morning’s bozo report via the internet. From Brunswick, Georgia comes the story of Bozo Joe Jacobe who was picked up for matching the description of a man who snatched a woman’s purse. Police loaded him into a squad car and drove him back to the scene of the crime where the vicitm was still being questioned by police. Our bozo was told to exit the vehicle and face the victim for an ID.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Lawrence, Kansas where two college students from the University of Kansas got a little bored and headed down to a local restaurant. Once there, they took off all their clothes except for veils over their faces. They then pranced thru the restaurant naked, placed a piece of candy corn on each table and pranced out. Unfortunately for our naked bozos, they parked their getaway car right in front of the restaurant, enabling the manager to jot down their license number before they sped away. Police caught up with them a few blocks away.

The Bozo criminals for today come from Danville, Illinois where police were called to a possible robbery in progress at a local garage. When police arrived they noticed a suspicious vehicle outside the business with three bozos inside. Police approaced the vehicle and asked the bozos to step out of the car. When the door was opened, hundreds of gum balls started falling out from inside the car. Police checked and sure enough a gumball machine had been reported stolen earlier in the day from a local business. Our hapless bozos were arrested and charged with gumball machine theft.

The Bozo criminal for today wins our all time Bozo Gross Out Award. From Miami, Florida comes the story of Bozo James Jacobs who was arrested for drunk driving and taken down to the police station to take a breathalyzer test. The bozo asked to go to the restroom before taking the test. When he did not come out of the restroom, the police went in and found our bozo ill on the floor with blue foam oozing out of his mouth. Thinking it would work like a super strength breath mint, the bozo had put the urinal sanitation disc in his mouth, hoping to cover up the alcohol on his breath. He was charged with DUI anyway, as a result of a blood test taken after he was sent to the hospital.

The Bozo criminal for today was caught in the act… not once but twice. From the International File in Berne, Switzerland comes the story of an unidentified bozo who was captured speeding by one of those new camera systems that automatically photographs traffic violators. The bozo obviously knew he was going over the speed limit as after he passed the high tech gizmo, he turned his car around and drove right up to the device. Our bozo then got some tools out of the trunk and was busily trying to dismantle it when the cops drove by and noticed what was happening. He was charged with speeding and attempted robbery.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Charles Gallo who passed along todays report. From Port Jefferson, New York comes the story of Bozo Jason Tiner who was wanted by the cops on a minor traffic violation. When the cops stopped by to serve the warrant on the traffic offense, they happened to notice our bozo’s lovely backyard garden. Nestled among the strawberries and tomatoes were 22 large marijuana plants. He’s now also been charged with possession.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Granite City, Illinois where Bozo James Lang walked into the Magna Bank and cashed a payroll check for $12.19. After getting his money, he flashed a gun and demanded more cash. He got away with about $4500 in cash. He didn’t get very far, though. You remember that payroll check he cashed? He left it behind along with his ID.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ron Lustek who passed along today’s bozo criminal report via the internet. From Tuscon, Arizona comes the story of Bozos Carlos Lopez and Benito Herrera who walked up to the Bank of America branch without noticing a marked sheriff’s department car out front. Determined to rob the bank, the bozos headed to the front door just as the two uniformed officers were walking out. One of the officers even held the door for our two bozos to enter. This would be enough to deter an ordinary robber, but not our bozos. They walked on up to the teller, handed her a holdup note and quickly ran out the door with their cash. They were calmly walking to their car when the bank manager ran out, noticed the officers still out front and pointed out the robbers. The bozos were arrested before they could even get to their vehicle.

The Bozo criminal for today comes from Oakland, California where Bozo Rob Hamilton was pulled over for a minor traffic violation. The officer found the bozo was using a suspended license and called for a tow truck to impound the car. Following police procedure, the officer searched the car. In the glove compartment, the cop found a note which read, "This is a robbery. Give me the stacks of 50s and 60s." The note was matched to one used in an earlier bank robbery and our bozo was arrested.