Author: dave

Thanks to officer "Jofa" from Boston, Massachusetts who tells us today’s bozo comes from personal experience. Bozo criminals John Harrison and Paul Harper snatched a car but were spotted in the act by the owner, who gave chase in his other vehicle, calling the police on his cell phone to advise them of the bozo’s location. Knowing that they were being followed, our bozos got a little careless and ran the car into a snowbank, getting it stuck. After a couple of attempts to free the car, our bozos placed the running vehicle in reverse and jumped out to try to help push it out of the snow. In the process slamming the doors shut and locking themselves out. And that’s how the cops found our hapless bozos, trying to break back into the vehicle, which was still running, with the wheels spinning, stuck in a snowbank.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Cary, North Carolina where the manager of a bank noticed bozo John Simpson pacing back and forth in front of the bank wearing a large fake nose, a bad blonde wig and large gold rimmed clown glasses. Before he could get up the courage to go inside, a passing fire truck with its siren blaring frightened the bozo away. The bank manager called the cops who put out an all points bulletin to be on the lookout for a bozo matching this description. And, wouldn’t you know it, a short time later our bozo showed up at another bank, wearing the same getup. He was immediately arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Newark, New Jersey where bozo Ronnie Hamer was pulled over by the cops for speeding. As the officer was asking our bozo a few routine questions, the bozo became more and more nervous, finally deciding he had to have a smoke. He reached into the glove compartment and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. And what should fall out of that pack but a marijuana joint, in plain view of the officer. The car was searched and $32,000 worth of drug money and several pounds of marijuana was found. Maybe next time our bozo should try the patch.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Los Angeles, California where bozo Sam Oswald was pursued through several blocks in Hollywood by police who noticed him driving erratically. Knowing he was caught and wanting to dispose of the evidence, our bozo slowed down to a crawl, opened the car door and threw out a can of beer. Unfortunately, he was not wearing a seatbelt and while throwing out the beer, he also threw himself out. After being treated for cuts and bruises, our bozo was booked on suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Evansville, Illinois where bozo Ronnie Green had a rough day. Bozo Ronnie walked into the Civitas Bank, placed his hand in his pocket as though he had a gun and handed the teller a note telling her to put $500 into an envelope. As luck would have it, he walked up to a teller with an empty cash drawer. When she opened the drawer and showed him there was nothing inside, our bozo stood dumbfounded for a moment and then decided the best thing for him to do was to get out of there, quick. Just as he was rushing out the door, he encountered an off duty police officer who was coming in. Bank employees quickly pointed the bozo out to the officer who was able to grab the bozo as he stood arguing with his girlfriend in front of the bank.

Thanks to Holland’s Number One Bozo News Hawk Tom Doodkorte for sending in today’s bozo. From the International File in Rotterdam, Holland comes the story of two bozos who broke into a large sports arena. The bozos were prowling around inside when they were surprised by the cops who and come to investigate the sound of breaking glass. Bozo number one saw the cops and decided to make a break for it, dashing out the back door with a couple of policemen in hot pursuit. Bozo number two was not spotted by the cops and decided to stay behind, hiding in the restroom. As the police were checking out the premises, they heard a cell phone go off. It was bozo number one, who had outrun the cops, calling bozo number two to see if he was all right.

Bozo criminal for today is a double award winner. Not only is Brian Wesley from Des Moines, Iowa our Bozo of the Day but he has also won our Excuse of the Month competition. Our bozo broke out the glass on the back door of one of the homes in his neighborhood, went inside, rummaged around and then left, walking back to his home. The police had no problem tracking our bozo down, as he cut himself on the glass and left a bloody trail to his front door. It was when the police asked our bozo about the robbery that he came up with our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the cops that space aliens had picked him up and dropped him off at the house with orders to break in.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Modesto, California where bozo Joshua Moreno had been placed under a restraining order by his wife. Bozo Joshua wanted this order lifted, so he did what any bozo would do. He went before the judge to make the request…pretending to be his wife. Complete with a dress, high heels, red lipstick, long black wig and speaking in a high pitched falsetto voice. Maybe it was his five o’clock shadow that gave him away. The judge was not fooled and had our bozo arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Dave Stebbins of Erie, Pennsylvania for sending in today’s bozo. From Wheeling, Illinois comes the story of bozo Mary Hopkins who was a cashier at the local Wal-Mart. Mary would copy down customers’ credit card numbers and then buy merchandise for herself from the same Wal-Mart using those stolen credit card numbers. Being a bozo, however, Mary made it very easy for the cops to catch her. She used the stolen card numbers but used her real name on the receipts so she could receive her employee discount on each purchase.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hilton, New York where bozo William Brown was scheduled to appear in court on charges of possession of stolen property. Our bozo was driving in for his court appearance when he was stopped by a cop for speeding. A quick check of our bozo’s car registration revealed that he was driving to court in a stolen car. He won’t be doing any more driving for quite a while.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Huntsville, Alabama where bozo Larry Sloan tried to hold up a pawn shop. Our bozo was obviously not prepared for the shop owner to put up a fight because after getting involved in a struggle with the owner our bozo staggered off down the street in a daze, leaving his getaway car in the pawn shop parking lot. The cops arrived, checked the car and confirmed that it did indeed belong to our bozo. Inside the car was a "To do" list for the day that included the item, "Rob pawn shop."

Bozo criminal for today comes from Greenville, Mississippi where bozo Freddie Silas carjacked a vehicle, jumping in at a convenience store and telling the woman behind the wheel to drive. They had not gone very far when nature called. The bozo told the woman to pull over because he had to use the restroom. And, the bozo told her, don’t go anywhere while I’m gone. He got out and she sped away, heading directly for the sheriff’s office. Our bozo was picked up a short time later, walking down the road looking for another ride.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Muskego, Wisconsin where a teenaged bozo decided it would be fun to steal a street sign. Our bozo hopped out of his car and quickly removed the sign and sped away. Only one problem. While our bozo was stealing the sign his pen fell out of his shirt pocket. And not just any old pen either. It was one of those fancy ones with the person’s name engraved on it. The cops had no trouble using it to track down our bozo who was charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Springfield, Virginia where bozo Terry Robinson was leaving the Springfield Mall when a security guard confronted him and accused him of shoplifting. Our bozo firmly denied he had stolen anything and to prove it, he proceeded to drop his pants to show he wasn’t hiding anything. And we mean he wasn’t hiding ANYTHING. While he was dropping his clothes, the security guard checked the bozo’s jacket and found the shoplifted pair of athletic shoes. And by the way, our bozo was not only arrested for shoplifting, he was also charged with indecent exposure.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Macomb, Illinois where the police responded to a call of possible drug activity and surprised a couple of teenaged bozos who jumped out of their car and ran into the nearby woods. The cops decided to try to scare the bozos into giving up by letting Rexbo, the police dog, bark directly into the cruiser’s public address system. As you might imagine, the bark sounded like it came from a very large dog. The cops then announced that the bozos should give themselves up or face the soon to be released Rexbo. The bozos quickly gave it up, telling the cops not to let that huge dog anywhere near them.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Milton, Georgia where bozo Joseph Lane had been on the run from the cops as an escaped convict for the last 30 days. Now, if you were a bozo escaped con in a small Georgia town and you were having trouble finding your local drug dealer, what would you do? Of course, you’d stop and ask a local sheriff’s deputy for directions. Which is exactly what our bozo did. The officer immediately became suspicious and our bozo was captured when he jumped from his car and tried to flee.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 1111: It’s not usually a good idea to go on the number one rated TV show in the country if you’re wanted by the cops. From Knoxville, Tennessee comes the story of bozo Mike Stacey who was a contestant on last Sunday’s edition of "Who Wants To Be a Millionaire?" Our bozo never made it out of contestants’ row but his appearance made him a minor celebrity back home in Tennessee and attracted the attention of the cops who noted that our bozo was wanted on several charges. When he showed up at a local radio station the following Monday to tell of his New York City adventure, the cops were waiting and arrested him.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the Jurisprudence Division. From Clifton Heights, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Alvin Washington who was convicted of the robbery of a convenience store. Our bozo, however, argued that he was denied the right to represent himself in the trial. So, he was granted a new trial with the bozo this time serving as his own lawyer. And the verdict…guilty. Only this time instead of being sentenced to 32 years in jail he was sent up for 80 years.

Bozo criminal for today learned the hard way that it’s not usually a good idea to threaten a fry cook. From the International File in Leeds, England comes the story of bozo Colin Wilson who burst into a fast food restaurant at closing time brandishing a wooden table leg as a weapon and demanding money. The restaurant manager, who was standing near the deep fryer, reached over and took the fry basket out of the hot grease and whacked our bozo over the head with it, causing him to beat a hasty retreat toward the door. Our bozo was arrested a short time later after nearby hospitals were alerted to be on the lookout for anyone with the outline of a french fry basket burned into his forehead.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From the Cayman Islands comes the story of bozo Jason Randall who dialed what he thought was the number of his friendly neighborhood drug dealer to buy some cocaine. Unfortunately for the bozo, he dialed the wrong number. Boy, did he dial the wrong number. He reached the deputy chief of the police department’s drug task force who decided to play along and set up a place to meet for the deal. The bozo showed up and was promptly arrested by an undercover cop.