Thanks to bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in this report from the International File in Glasgow, Scotland. It seems our bozo had an exotic snake that was illegal to bring into Scotland so she tried to sneak it through customs. Did she hide the snake in her luggage or purse? Nope. She didn’t even try to conceal it under her clothing. Our bozo sealed her fate when she wrapped the live snake around her waist and tried to pass through customs by claiming it was a belt.
bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Orebro, Sweden comes the story of a city that was experiencing a rash of graffiti. It seemed like every few nights another local building would be defaced with ugly spray painted words. The police were finally able to track down the source of the graffiti–a well known businessman in town. He and several of his employees would sneak out after dark and deface the buildings. And the reason? He owned a graffiti removal company and after his crew would spray paint the buildings he would contact the owners the next day offering to do the clean up job, for a fee, of course.
No bozo for today. Keep the victims of the tragedies in New York and Washington in your thoughts and prayers.
bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Santiago, Chile where three teenage bozos tried to rob a bus. As they were walking through threatening passengers with a baseball bat, one of them heard the words that would strike fear in any teenager, "What do you think you’re doing? Get off this bus right now!" That’s right, the mother of one of the teenagers was riding on the bus. And their bad luck didn’t end there. A plain clothes policeman was also on the bus and he and the bus driver managed to disarm our bozos.
bozo criminal for today comes from Johnson County, Texas where bozo Kristopher Hardy wanted to go home to visit family and friends, but he had no transportation. So he did what any bozo would do, he tried to steal a freight train. I emphasize tried because, while he was able to get the engines started, he didn’t know how to release the brake. So he called Union Pacific dispatchers for help. The conductor and engineer sent over by the dispatcher overpowered our bozo and called the cops
(Best of bozo) bozo criminal for today comes from Providence, Rhode Island where bozo David Preston has just been released from jail. Not having a job and needing money, he headed straight for the local bank…with the intention of robbing it. Since he’d been in jail for a while he was not real familiar with the layout of the bank, so he walked up to the first group of windows he saw and announced that this was a holdup. The woman looked up at him and said, "Sorry, you’re in the wrong department. This is the loan department. The teller’s with the cash are on the other side of the lobby." Being a polite bozo he thanked her and politely walked over to the teller’s window where there was a line. Our bozo took his place at the back of the line and waited his turn. While he was waiting, the cops were called and arrived just as our bozo was attempting his getaway.
(Best of bozo) bozo criminal for today comes from Florence, North Carolina where Bozos James Cox and Johnny Andrews had plans to rob the pizza delivery guy. So, the first thing they did was call up and order a pizza. A few minutes later, the pizza shop called and said their delivery man was having trouble finding the address. The Bozos said no problem and arranged to meet the pizza guy elsewhere. The delivery man met the Bozos at the designated location and was confronted by our Bozos who pointed a gun in his face. The delivery person threw the pizzas at them, got back in his car and sped off. Only one problem for our bozo hold up men. Remember their home address that the delivery guy couldn’t find? The cops had no trouble at all fiding it and the Bozos were arrested before they could finish their pizza.
(Best of bozo) bozo criminal for today comes from Clearwater, Florida where bozo Darren O’Donnell spotted some wild parrots nesting atop an electrical substation. Thinking the parrots might be valuable, our bozo set out to capture them. Now, if you are a bozo and you want to dislodge some parrots from the top of an electrical substation, what would you use? A metal pole, of course. Our bozo was poking around with the pole when he touched a transformer and was zapped with 15,000 volts. Parrots were unharmed. The bozo suffered second and third degree burns and was arrested.
(Best of bozo) bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Stettler, Canada comes the story of bozo David Yates who was stopped by the police after the car he was driving was seen weaving down the highway. Believing the suspect to be intoxicated, police placed our bozo in the back of the patrol car. While sitting in the back of the car, our bozo ripped off his underwear and began to try to eat it, believing that the cotton fabric would absorb the alcohol before he had to take the breathalyzer test. Don’t know how he did on the breathalyzer test, but he just scored a perfect 100 on the bozo exam.
bozo criminal for today comes from Redondo Beach, California. Not only is the following gentleman a bozo winner, he also wins our award for bozo excuse of the day. bozo John Abrams was stopped by police after they noticed the car he was driving had the upper half of a traffic light pole laying across its hood. Obviously the bozo had been in an accident but when the police asked Mr. Abrams why he had a traffic light pole laying across the hood of his car, the rather intoxicated bozo replied, "It came with the car when I bought it."
Thanks to bozo News Hawk Bob Healey for sending in today’s report. From Saugus, Massachusetts comes the story of bozo Dick Henson who had a little marijuana to sell. It was late, after two AM, and he spotted what looked like a good place to make a dope deal. A parking lot with only a few cars in it. Perhaps if he had looked a little closer he would have noticed that it was the police station parking lot and those little things on top of the light poles were cameras. But he didn’t. The cops did notice him, however and he was quickly busted.
bozo criminal for today comes from The Bronx, New York where bozo Jose Ramirez hopped into a cab and gave the driver his destination. They had only gone a couple of blocks when our bozo pulled out a knife and forced the cabbie to fork over his cash. He then shoved the driver our of the cab and sped away. The cabbie called the cops who knew right where to look for our bozo. Yep, he drove the stolen cab to the very address where he had originally asked the cabbie to take him.
Thanks to bozo News Hawk Miller Duncan for sending in today’s report. From our ever bulging political section in the International File comes the story of a woman in Japan who received an insurance payment of 30 million yen after filing accident reports indicating her husband had died. And now the insurance company wants their money back. Because her bozo husband didn’t exactly keep a low profile after his "death." He returned to his native Pakistan and ran for political office, winning the local election.
bozo criminal for today comes from the International File. From Chumphon, Thailand comes the story of a bozo extortionist who was demanding money from a local shop owner. When the owner told our bozo he didn’t have enough money to pay him right now, our bozo looked around and spotted a hammock out back. He told the owner he would go and relax in the hammock until the man took in enough cash to pay him. It must have been a very comfortable hammock because he was soon sound asleep. The shop owner called the cops who came by and woke our bozo up and took him to jail.
bozo criminal for today comes from Camano Island, Washington where bozo James Lane went for a little stroll the other evening. Which would have been fine except that he forgot to put on any clothes. Our totally naked bozo was spotted walking around near a movie theatre. The cops arrived and were in the process of writing our bozo up for indecent exposure when one of the officers asked him what he did for a living. "I grow marijuana for fun and profit," he answered. He then went on to tell the officer that he had an unusually large crop this year and would the officer like to help him harvest it. The officer said he’d certainly like to see the operation so our bozo took him over to his greenhouse. The plants were confiscated and the cops are still trying to decide what to do with our bozo.
bozo criminal for today comes from the personnel file. From Butte, Montana comes the story of bozo Sherwin Hanover who applied for the position of director of the Montana Department of Corrections. Our bozo presented a very impressive resume, including 28 years in the department. But he didn’t get the job, due in large part to the fact that those 28 years in the department were the 28 years he spent in prison serving a life sentence for murder.
bozo criminal for today comes from Virginia Beach, Virginia where a woman spotted two able bodied bozos parked in a handicapped zone. When she told them to move they responded by cursing at her. Shouldn’t have done that. She wrote down a description of their car and the license plate number. And what she didn’t realize was that at that very moment their accomplice was robbing the restaurant next door where she worked. Her detailed description led to their arrest. Maybe next time they’ll use the regular parking space.
bozo criminal for today comes from Detroit, Michigan where five bozos wearing bandannas over their faces held up a McDonald’s. Our bozos seemed to be quite well organized and knew exactly what they wanted. In fact they would probably have made a clean getaway except for one thing. Remember those bandannas. One bozo tossed his out the window as they were driving away and it snagged on the radio antenna, serving as an identifying flag for the cops as they closed in for the arrest.
bozo criminal for today comes from Tampa, Florida where bozo Rafael Morgan was test driving a Porsche when he was pulled over by the cops and ticketed for doing 60 in a 35 zone. When our bozo returned to the dealership, he quickly sped away as soon as the salesperson got out of the car. It wasn’t that difficult for the cops to track the guy down, after all he had just given the officer his address when he was ticketed. The cops just drove to his home and found the Porsche outside and the bozo inside. It was when the cops arrested him that our bozo gave them the bozo Excuse of the Month. He told them he didn’t steal the car, he just drove it home to see if it would fit into his garage.
bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Edward, New York where bozo Frances Stagner broke into the local bowling alley by climbing in through a ceiling vent. As our bozo was creeping along, the ceiling suddenly gave way and he crashed down onto one of the lanes. This set off a motion sensor which in turn set off the automatic pin setting mechanism. Before our bozo even knew what was happening he was racked up like a bowling pin at the end of the lane. And the mechanism held him so tight he couldn’t squirm free. Of course he didn’t have long to work on his escape, the bowling alley was located right next door to the police station.