Author: dave

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Jane McCormick for sending in today’s report. From Carlisle, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Randy Shaffer who called the cops to report a stolen radio. He was told all of the officers were busy but that one of them would call him back shortly. When an officer tried to return the call, someone at our bozo’s house picked up the receiver but didn’t say anything. With the phone off the hook, the officer could hear a discussion going on in the background. A discussion about what fine marijuana it was that they were enjoying. When our bozo finally did pick up the phone he was more than happy to tell the officer again that he did indeed have some fine weed. He was also happy to give the officer his home address. The officer was more than happy to drive over and bust him.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Preston McMurry for sending in today’s report. From Green Bay, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Frank Jones whose mother obviously taught him to never talk with his mouth full. Ordinarily that would be good advise, except when you’ve stuffed your mouth full of marijuana after being pulled over by the cops. In an effort to hide his stash, our bozo crammed all his dope into his mouth as the officers were walking to the car. In a scene right out of a Cheech and Chong movie, the officer first noticed marijuana smoke billowing out of the car, then he saw our bozo’s bulging cheeks and bits of marijuana scattered all over his shirt and in his lap. Our bozo was busted without ever saying a word.

bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vienna, Austria where bozo Hans Becker decided to rob a branch of the Austrian Savings Bank. He made two fatal errors. One, he didn’t wear a disguise of any kind and, two, he chose the bank where he was a customer and was known by many of the employees. After he left with his cash, the teller called the cops and told them who had just robbed the bank. And to make it even easier for the cops, they didn’t have very far to go to find him. He headed straight to a bar down the street where he proceeded to celebrate his new found wealth with several bar hostesses, guzzling down five bottles of champagne. Not surprisingly, the police said he offered no resistance when they arrested him.

bozo criminal for today comes from Orange, Texas where bozo David Warren broke into a car dealership. And you know how it is when you start looking at cars…you can get really tired out. And that must have been what happened to our bozo. After going through several drawers and tossing the contents of a couple of filing cabinets on the floor, he decided to take a little break and relax for a couple of minutes on the big comfy sofa in the dealership’s lounge. He was still sleeping soundly when the employees arrived the next morning. And he kept right on sleeping after the cops were called. In fact, they took pictures and gathered evidence before waking up and arresting our bozo.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Neal Tooni for sending in today’s report. From Manchester, New Hampshire comes the story of bozo Joshua Adams who had plans to rob the Osco Drug store. And it looks like he wanted to make sure that they had plenty of Oxycontin, his drug of choice, in stock, because he called ahead and told the pharmacist he was on his way over to rob the place. Instead the pharmacist called the cops who were waiting for our bozo in the parking lot.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Robert Dzen for being the first to alert us to this gem. From Middletown, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Michael Massey who violated bozo Rule Number 3235: When planning a stick-up, it’s usually a good idea to make sure the place you’re going to rob is still open for business. Our bozo put on a mask and headed over to the Middletown bank at 3:08, a few minutes past closing time. Employees still inside watched as he tried both front doors and, finding them locked tight, headed back to his truck in frustration. After pulling out of the parking lot he tossed his mask and holdup note out the window. Right in front of a passing police car. They pulled him over and arrested him.

bozo criminal for today comes from Princeton, North Carolina where bozo Rodney Pierce lugged a heavy load into the local bank. He brought in 75 pounds of quarters, hoisted them up on the counter and asked if they could be changed into bills. Ordinarily this wouldn’t have been a problem but only a few days before in Princeton there had been a report of a theft of 48 thousand quarters from a home. Suspicious bank employees called the cops and our bozo was busted.

bozo criminals for today come from the appropriately named city of Dummerston, Vermont. Father and son bozo team Herbert and Brian Powell went for a little drive over to Connecticut where they became hopelessly lost. Driving aimlessly down the road, they spotted a police car parked on the shoulder. Our bozos thought they would stop and ask for directions, which would have been fine except for the fact that they weren’t alone in the car. They were traveling with their good friends Bud and Weiser. And it didn’t help their cause any when bozo Brian told the officer his date of birth was "September 31." Pops has been arrested for drunk driving and son for drug possession and resisting arrest.

bozo criminal for today comes from Van Buren, Arkansas where bozo Mark Thompson stole a car stereo and and amplifier from a car parked in front of a tire store. And after getting his loot, he just couldn’t leave well enough alone. He had to go on a rampage in the parking lot, breaking bottles, tearing up stuff, and as his crowning achievement, mooning the empty store, leaving a rather large print on the front window. He then left, thinking he had gotten away scot free. Only one problem, when he dropped his pants to moon the store, his wallet fell from his pocket. He didn’t notice but the cops did. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Dan Cordell for sending in today’s report. From Minneapolis, Minnesota comes the story of bozo Wayne Geary who was selling drugs on a street corner in the southeast part of town when a big car pulled up and the woman in the back seat rolled down her window. Our bozo immediately rushed up and asked her if she was looking for a deal. Guess he didn’t recognize her. It was the mayor who was driving around the area to take part in a neighborhood clean-up effort to rid the area of drug dealers. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Scott Pinkstaff for sending in today’s report. From Purcellville, Virginia comes the story of bozo Richard Ware who parked his getaway car just outside the First Community Bank. He jumped out, gun in hand, and demanded money from the teller. He got it, ran outside, hopped in his car and was preparing to make his getaway when he noticed he was missing one very important item-his keys. He hadn’t realized he had dropped them as he was running out of the bank. Police officers quickly arrived and noticed a moving bush near his empty car. Our bozo was flushed out and arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Terry Romanishen for sending in today’s report. From Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada comes the story of bozo Robert Martin who made a number of errors in his quest to rob a gas station. First, he ran out of gas before he ever got there, leaving himself stranded on the side of the road in a stolen car. Driving a stolen car to the robbery was his second error. But his third and fatal error was standing by the stolen car and waving to a police car that passed by. The cops ran a quick license check, discovered the car was stolen and arrested our bozo.

From Baltimore, Maryland comes the story of bozo Edwin Grimes who wanted to be a policeman really, really bad. So bad in fact that he just couldn’t tell a lie when the police department interviewer asked him if he had ever committed a crime. Our bozo said yes, back home in Texas he had robbed five people and been involved in a carjacking. Maybe he thought they’d be impressed with his experience. They weren’t. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Neal Tooni for sending in today’s report. From Saucier, Mississippi comes the story of bozo Milton Slater who was involved in a minor traffic accident. When he saw the police arrive on the scene he left his car behind and fled into the woods. Thinking this was rather strange the cops ran a quick check of his license plate and discovered he was wanted on burglary charges. A couple of officers headed after him, but it was a heavily wooded area and after almost an hour of searching they were about to give up when they heard a phone ring. Our bozo had forgotten to turn off his cell phone. He was pulled out of the underbrush and arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Franco Minatel for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Coutts, Alberta, Canada comes the story of bozo James Horton who was an American bank robber trying to flee to Canada. Perhaps it was the bad woman’s wig that attracted the attention of the border crossing guard. Or maybe it was the gun that he was carrying with him. Or perhaps it was the bank holdup note written on the back of a check. In any event, after a quick check of customs computers it was determined that our bozo was a wanted man and he was arrested. And just one more thing about that holdup note…the last words written on it were "Don’t be stupid." If only he had followed his own advise.

bozo criminal for today comes from Millerstown, Pennsylvania. bozo Dorothy Lucas came up with a neat little scheme. She would print some counterfeit money and deposit into her ATM account. She would then transfer some of the money into her husband’s checking account and, hopefully, no one would be any the wiser. Sounds like a good plan except for one thing. That bill was just a little too large. About $999,900 too large. She tried to deposit a million dollar bill. There is not now and never has been a million dollar bill. She’s under arrest.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Howard Rost for sending in today’s report. From Buffalo, New York comes the story of bozo Henry Johnson who really should have walked to his destination. But instead he decided to take Buffalo Rapid Transit, which would have been fine except that he demanded a free ride. The driver disagreed and called the transit police who arrived and charged our bozo with theft of service. And to make matters worse, he gave the cops a fake name so he was also charged with false impersonation. And they weren’t done yet. Once cops found out who he really was, they discovered he was wanted on arson and criminal mischief charges. And did I mention that in checking his possessions they also found a stolen supermarket card, gas card and library card. One more thing, he also had five bags of crack cocaine in his pockets. He got a free ride after all, to the jail.

bozo criminals for today come from Colma, California where security guards at the local mall called the cops to report a burglary. When the cops pulled up they noticed two men outside the mall using a coat hanger to try to get into a locked car. When they pulled up to investigate, the officers discovered that it was none other than our bozo thieves, who had returned to their getaway car with all their loot only to discover they’d locked themselves out. They’ve now been locked up.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Tromso, Norway comes the story of a couple of bozos who had been admiring the $2000 digital camera at the local electronics store. Finally, they decided they just had to have it. So one evening our bozos smashed the store’s front window and snatched the video camera. What they didn’t realize was that the camera was wired to a separate recorder, giving the cops crystal clear close up footage of their ugly mugs.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Gregg Hanke for sending in today’s report. From Phoenix, Arizona comes the story of bozo Neil Goldstein who jumped into a white 2001 Dodge Intrepid at a car wash and took off. And of all the cars at the car wash, there is no doubt our bozo picked the worst one to steal. It was an unmarked police vehicle waiting unattended in the vacuum line. He also failed to notice another police car, this one fully marked, and with a uniformed officer behind the wheel,