Author: dave

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Richard Soukup for sending in today’s report. From Blair County, Pennsylvania comes the story of bozo Nathaniel Lucas. Our bozo had been breaking into cars recently at the county ballpark, hitting at least four cars in the previous week. So Blair County police decided to send a police surveillance crew to the parking lot to keep an eye on things. This is not a small parking lot and out of all the cars in the lot, which one would a bozo choose to try to break into? The one with two police officers inside, of course. He’s been arrested.

bozo criminals for today come from New York City. No doubt you’re familiar with the button that many cell phones have that automatically dials 911 when pushed. Our bozos cell phone had that option and that’s what got them into trouble. Bozos Leshawn Davis and Tony Palmer were sitting around their apartment discussing in detail their plans to rob an nearby Taco Bell. Sometime during the conversation the 911 button was hit and the cops heard about 20 minutes of them planning their heist. They then decided to head to a nearby music store, where officers tracked them down and found them carrying marijuana and the cell phone, still connected to 911. They’ve been arrested.

bozo criminal for today violated bozo Rule Number 2347: After committing the crime, it’s usually a good idea to leave the area. From Longview, Washington comes the story of bozo Edmund Arnold who robbed a bank, then walked over to the convenience store nearby. He bought himself a beer, went outside and sat down on a park bench to enjoy his refreshing beverage. Unfortunately, the park was across the street from the police station. An officer looking out the window spotted him and noticed that he fit the description of the robber. The officer walked across the street and arrested him.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Brenda Helgerson for contributing today’s report. From Vista, California comes the story of bozo Evan Warner who entered a liquor store carrying a shotgun and wearing a long coat and a ski mask. After threatening the clerk he was given the cash from the register, about $100. As he turned to leave, the clerk grabbed the barrel of the shotgun and pulled it away. He also ripped the mask and the coat from our bozo who then ran off. Even though the cops had a good description of our bozo they didn’t have any leads as to just who he was…until he called the sheriff’s office to report his shotgun as stolen. He’s been arrested.

bozo criminal for today comes from Lodi, California where bozo Pierre Gomez drove up to the Valley National Bank and handed the teller a hold-up note. While the teller was pretending to get the money another teller pressed the silent alarm. Before our bozo even knew what was happening, his car was absolutely surrounded by cops. The reason? The Lodi police department is less than 50 yards from the bank.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for contributing today’s report. While we realize there’s a time and place for everything, our bozo probably picked the wrong time and the wrong place to pull his little stunt. bozo William Sloan was on trial in a New York courtroom. As the jury was being led back into the courtroom and prosecutors were about to call their final witness our bozo jumped up, took a swing at his attorney and said, "I’d like to state for the record that this man is not doing his job and that’s why I had to smack him in front of the jurors." The judge didn’t feel our bozo’s pain. He ordered him handcuffed to his chair while the trial continued.

bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo Irene Hess was on the run from the law on charges that she had destroyed property at her employer’s home while she was serving as a nanny. When an article appeared in the New York Post detailing what she had allegedly done our bozo was very upset. So upset that she grabbed a copy of the Post, stopped an New York police officer on the street, showed him the article and asked if he thought she could sue for slander. The officer wasn’t sure what course of legal action she should take but he was sure what action he should take. He arrested her.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Rich London for sending in today’s report. From Charlotte, North Carolina comes the story of bozo Greg Worthy who broke into a 65 year old woman’s home and demanded money. The woman convinced our bozo that she had no money in the house but she would write him a check if he would show her proper identification, which he gladly did. After giving him the check and showing him the door, the lady called the cops. They went to the address he had given her and there they found our bozo, check in hand. He’s now residing in jail.

bozo criminal for today comes from LaCrosse, Wisconsin where bozo Robert McGuffey thought he’d play a little joke on some of his friends by running around naked in their front yard. His plan went terribly wrong when he started drinking before pulling his little stunt. After a couple of beers he got a little confused about exactly which house belonged to his friends. Finally, after a couple more beers, he selected what he thought was the right house. Leaving his clothes in the alley, he ran around the house a couple of times and then stood naked in the front yard, waiting for his friends’ response. Unfortunately the only response he got was from the police who came by to arrest him. He’d picked the wrong house. His friends lived a couple of streets over.

bozo criminal for today comes from Sparks, Nevada where bozo Donald Eiland robbed two women pedestrians and then made his getaway by stealing a beer truck. Not believing his luck, our bozo stopped a few blocks away to see if the truck was full. It was. One thing led to another and before you know it he was hopelessly sloshed. So sloshed that when the police brought his two victims by to identify him, before they could say anything our bozo spoke up and said, yes, they were the people he robbed. He’s been arrested.

bozo criminal for today comes from O’Fallon, Missouri where bozo David Barnes took a cab to the local Walgreen’s, asked the cabbie to wait on him and went inside. Our bozo then went to the Halloween section where he put on a scary mask before walking up to the cashier and demanding money, gesturing as though he had a gun in his pocket. The clerk was so nervous that she couldn’t open the register and finally our frustrated bozo left empty handed. He got back into the waiting cab which took him home. The cops contacted the cab company, got our bozo’s address and made the arrest.

bozo criminals for today come from Stanley, Wisconsin where they violated bozo Rule Number 7007: While it’s not usually a good idea to return to the scene of the crime, it’s an even bigger mistake to never leave. Bozos Jason Street and Chad Gilmer broke into a business and stole about 40 bucks in cash, a flashlight and some soft drinks and then left. They just didn’t go far enough. They walked across the street to their car, got inside, counted their money, drank their sodas and promptly fell asleep. Police answering the burglary call rousted them from their little nap and took them to jail.

bozo criminal for today comes from Columbia, Missouri where bozo Stephen Tarver was spotted by local police officers acting suspiciously near the back of the local Wal-Mart. When he saw the cops, our bozo took off in the direction of a wooded area nearby. As it turns out, the wooded area was the Columbia Country Club golf course. Our bozo burst out of the woods and ran up to a cart full of golfers, asking them if he could borrow their vehicle. Bad idea. The golfers were also off duty cops attending the Officer’s Benevolent Fund golf tournament. They were more than happy to detain him until the other police arrived.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Paul Randall for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Rivoli, Italy comes the story of bozo Eduardo Laque who jumped into a car and forced the driver to hand over his cash. He then ordered the victim at gunpoint to drive him to his hometown. And since it was going ot be a rather long trip, our bozo settled back into his seat and made himself comfortable. Soon he was fast asleep. Taking note of the situation, the victim instead drove him to the nearest police station, where the cops woke him up and arrested him.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Richard Graves for sending in today’s report. From Kansas City, Missouri comes the story of another bozo trying to drum up a little business for himself. bozo Jerry Sims was a locksmith who would place a sticker for his business on the doors of various businesses around town. Then, a few days later, late at night, our bozo would return and squirt a little glue in the lock, hoping, of course, that the business would call him to come fix the lock. Things were going fine until he was caught on a security camera at one of the businesses. The owner was viewing the tape and couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw the man on the tape was the same guy now repairing his lock. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Robert Krambs for sending in today’s report. From Viroqua, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Billy Franklin. Billy had his bank holdup all planned out. He walked into the bank with a knit cap pulled down to obscure his face from security cameras. He made sure the teller’s window had no alarm and no exploding dye booby trap. The holdup note had no fingerprints or other identification. The bills he received were small and not in sequence. He had planned the perfect robbery. Except for one thing. He had no getaway vehicle. He simply walked away from the robbery, carrying his money in two large bags with the bank’s name clearly printed on the side. A cop spotted him walking down the road and arrested him.

bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Wellington, New Zealand where bozo James Davis was in a hurry. And you know how frustrating it is when the car in front of you is just creeping along. That’s what was happening to our bozo so he decided to express his irritation by honking at the car. That in itself isn’t such a bad idea. It’s the fact that the slow traveling car was a police cruiser that got him into trouble. Things got even worse when the cops pulled him over to see what the rush was and discovered our bozo was intoxicated. He’s been arrested.

Thanks to bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Cleveland National Forest in Southern California comes the story of bozo James Karl who was a seasonal firefighter during the summer. Being part time help, he only got paid when he actually had a fire to put out. Thinking he might drum up a little extra business for himself, our bozo started a couple of fires in the forest which his unit was called upon to put out. That in itself qualifies him as a bozo, but he went one step further. On the days that he set a fire, our bozo would start the fire engine to get it warmed up before the rest of the crew were even called in, making his fellow firemen just a little suspicious. He faces up to ten years in jail.

bozo criminal for today comes from Durham, North Carolina where a bar of Lava soap might have helped our bozo. Mark Hallan held up a couple of banks, getting away with a significant amount of cash. He then decided to lay low for awhile by spending a couple of nights in a hotel. And that was his undoing because when he checked in the hotel clerk noticed his red hands. They were stained from the exploding dye packets in the cash he stole. She pretended not to notice and only called the cops after he was in his room. They came over and arrested our red-handed bozo.

bozo criminal for today comes from Omaha, Nebraska where bozo Edward Mayes pulled up to the drive in window at the bank and presented a stolen check to the teller. And that’s when his run of bad luck began. The bank teller happened to be the very person from whom the check had been stolen. While our bozo waited for his money, bank employees called the cops who were waiting for him in the bank parking lot. But he never quite made it to where they were waiting. As soon as our bozo got his money, he pulled into the nearest parking place and rushed into the bank to use the bathroom. And that’s where the cops arrested him, in the bank restroom.