Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Tara Osterude for sending in today’s report. From Wausau, Wisconsin comes the story of bozo Thomas Jacobsen who robbed the Cop Shoppe Pub. First, it’s probably not a good idea to rob a place called the "Cop Shoppe". Second, it’s never a good idea to rob a bar where you’re a regular. And third, it’s a really bad idea to rob a bar where you signed up for the weekly raffle a few days before. He’s under arrest.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for pointing out this classic story from Norfolk, Nebraska. Bozo Arlie Baxter attempted to hold up the local bank, but did not have a weapon and left empty handed. It was as he was getting into his getaway vehicle that witnesses noticed something that would lead to his capture. It was his personalized license plates. The ones that said "FINDME". And that’s just what the cops did, a couple of hours later. He’s been charged with attempted robbery.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Placer County, California comes the story of bozo "Lewis" Martinez who was being questioned by the cops on theft charges. As the police were interviewing him, the noticed when they asked him to give his name, he first looked down at his hand before reading off the name "Lewis Martinez" that he had written on his palm. And that’s when they grew suspicious that he might not be who he claimed to be. After a quick check of his fingerprints, it was discovered that "Lewis" was actually "Hugo" Martinez who was wanted on the much more serious charge of felony murder. Oops…he’s been booked on the murder charge.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From St. Louis, Missouri comes the story of bozos Gabriel White and Ryan Farmer who were playing a little game of drunk dialing at a party. They would dial numbers at random and then leave threatening or vulgar messages on the answering machine. Their fun came to a screeching halt when they dialed the number for a county judge. He called the cops who used the *69 option to track down our bozos. The party was still in full swing when they were busted.
Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Gronau, Germany where our bozos held up a money courier, forcing his car off the road. They then had him open up the car’s trunk where one of them grabbed a case before the whole group fled. Obviously thinking they had gotten away with the courier’s money satchel, our bozos were disappointed to find that instead of stealing the money case, they had grabbed the first aid kit out of the car’s trunk.
Thanks to several Bozo News Hawks for alerting us to today’s bozo. From the International File in Stockholm, Sweden, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a home, stealing a cell phone and other items. When the cops called the cell number, our bozo picked up but didn’t say anything. He also never bothered to hang up, letting the cops hear his conversation with the taxi driver he had hired for his getaway. The open phone connection allowed the cops to track down and arrest our bozo.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bucharest, Romania, where an unidentified bozo broke into a restaurant and stole $450 in cash. As he was preparing to leave, he was tempted by something he just couldn’t resist. A display of delicious pies. After stuffing himself, our 300 pound bozo tried to exit through the same window he had entered through. But that was before the pies, and he found himself stuck tight. And he was still stuck when the owner arrived the next morning to open up. He called the cops who extracted our bozo and arrested him.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Scott Pinkstaff for sending in today’s report. From Ashburn, Virginia comes the story of bozo Richard Dumm (really) who lived up to his name. According to the sheriff’s department, our bozo was out driving on Christmas night when his pickup rear-ended a car stranded in the right lane with a flat tire. When police and firefighters arrived, our bozo simply walked away from the scene, leaving his damaged car behind. Only one problem, before fleeing the scene, our bozo had given the officer his driver’s license. He’s been charged with hit and run.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Scarborough, Maine where they’re having a cold winter. And bozo Shawn Tate didn’t allow for that when he burglarized a home. After loading his car with stuff, he found that his vehicle was stuck on the icy driveway. When the homeowner arrived unexpectedly, he told her that he had gotten stuck when he was trying to turn around. He then asked if she could back up the car for him while he pushed. Not the best idea. The woman recognized her laptop and several other of her items inside the car. She pretended to try to help while she sent her daughter inside to call the cops. He was still trying to free his car when the police arrived.
Some kids in the first grade in Arkansas were taking a test. Little Johnny was stumped by the first question, "What does Old McDonald have?" He whispered to the boy next to him, "Hey, what’s the answer to the first question?" His friend replied, "You remember, Old McDonald had a farm." Little Johnny said, "Yeah, that’s right." After a minute or so, Little Johnny asked his friend, "Hey, how do you spell ‘farm’?" His friend replied, "Johnny, don’t you remember anything, it’s E-I-E-I-O."
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Toronto, Ontario, Canada comes the story of bozo Jonathan Jacobs who broke into a home and grabbed a few valuables, including a laptop computer, before he spotted something that caught his interest. The homeowner had a very well stocked liquor cabinet. He grabbed 14 bottles of the stuff and was headed for the back door when he decided he would treat himself to just one drink. And one led to another…and another…and another. When the homeowner arrived home, he found our bozo passed out on the couch in front of the TV. The cops sobered him up and took him to jail.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Brisbane, Australia where bozo Lucella Grounds was arrested and charged with stealing several items which she told police she planned to use as Christmas presents. This in itself isn’t that unusual. It’s what she did when she was being booked that earned her a place in the Bozo Hall of Fame. As she was being photographed and fingerprinted, she took a liking to the digital camera being used to take her mug shot. While the officer’s back was turned, she snatched it and put it into her purse. Not the best idea she ever had. The cop immediately noticed it was missing and, after checking her bag, added another charge of theft to her growing rap sheet.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Berlin, Germany where our unidentified bozo decided to pick up a little extra cash by going through coat pockets in the coatroom of a bar. That might have been an OK idea except for one little thing…that evening, the bar was hosting a Christmas party for the Berlin police. Oops. After being confronted by 35 officers, our bozo surrendered.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk "The Phantom" for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Townsville, Australia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a taxi driver, punching him in the face and grabbing his cash. So far, so good. Now, all she had to do was get out of the cab. Not such an easy task, apparently. She tripped as she was exiting the vehicle, fell, hit her head and knocked herself out. She’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Easton, Pennsylvania where bozo Juan Arego jumped into the driver’s seat of a pizza delivery car while the driver was out making a delivery. It was out bozo’s intent to steal the car, but he couldn’t drive a standard transmission. Deciding to make the best of a bad situation, he gave up trying to drive away and instead began stuffing himself with pizza. In the meantime the driver called the cops. Our bozo was still chowing down when the police arrived.
Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 2090: When robbing a bank, take along something stronger than a paper sack to carry your loot. From the International File in Kawagoe, Japan comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a post office. He was given about $2000, much of it in coins. As he turned to leave, the paper bag he had brought along burst, scattering the money everywhere. And to add insult to injury, he stumbled and fell as he tried to pick it up. He’s under arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Medford, Oregon where bozo John Green tried to shoplift a bottle of Calvin Klein perfume from a local store. When a security guard gave chase, our bozo fled, jumping into the icy waters of nearby Bear Creek. He didn’t stay in there long, and, when he emerged, he ran for some nearby baseball fields. Unfortunately for him, those fields just happen to be the training grounds for the Medford Police Department’s K-9 units. And two police dogs were there for one of their weekly training sessions. He’s been apprehended.
Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Ed Hart for sending in today’s report. From Searcy, Arkansas comes the story of bozo Daniel Thompson who had just stolen a nice Lexus. And he didn’t have a care in the world when he saw a sheriff’s deputy come after him. Knowing the Lexus had plenty of power, he simply gave it the gas and started to pull away. Unfortunately for him, he didn’t have much gas to give it. He had failed to check the gauge after lifting the Lexus and was apprehended when his car ran out of gas and coasted to a stop.
Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Wellington, New Zealand where bozo Charles Hall robbed a bank, but was disappointed with his take. So he did what any bozo would do. He called to complain. Identifying himself as "the guy who robbed you the other day", he told the manager to put some more money into a bag and go outside and wait for him on the street corner. A plain clothes officer was sent out with the cash, but our bozo failed to show. However, the phone call proved to be his undoing, as police were able to trace it to his residence and make the arrest.
Bozo criminal for today comes from Long Island, New York where bozo Frank Tucker walked into a Chinese food restaurant, pointed a gun at the clerk and demanded cash. As the clerk was reaching into the register to get the money he noticed something strange about that gun. While it looked real enough, there was a liquid dribbling out of the barrel. Yep, our bozo had selected a leaky water pistol as his choice of weapon. The clerk began yelling at our bozo who turned tail and fled. But not before the owner of the place got his license plate number. He’s under arrest.