Author: dave

Bozo criminals for today come from Buffalo, New York where Charles Martin and Gregory Curtis pulled up to the drive-in window at the local KFC and asked for the daily special. Unfortunately for them, two narcotics detectives were inside ordering lunch when they noticed the unmistakable aroma of marijuana drifting into the restaurant and a large cloud of smoke coming from our bozo’s car. One of the officers said the driver was smoking the biggest marijuana cigar he had ever seen. Our bozos never got their lunch, but the officers did make sure their lunch money was refunded before they were arrested.

Bozo criminals for today come from Moosic, Pennsylvania where two unidentified bozos finished their meal at a restaurant on Montage Mountain. Not having the money to pay, they made a break for it and ran out the door after getting their check. Guess they forgot where they were dining, as, after running out, they proceeded to fall down a deep hillside. And it was so steep that they couldn’t climb out on their own. Dozens of rescuers were required to pull our bozos to safety so they could be arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. From cyberspace comes the story of bozo Rajneel Patel who liked to brag about his marijuana farm on his My Space page. In addition to bragging, he also posted several photos showing his marijuana plants, explaining that all his friends liked his pot, too. The police decided to check for themselves and after observing people coming to his house all hours of the day and night, obtained a search warrant. Inside, they found those same plants he had taken pictures of, plus two ounces of meth. His next My Space posting will probably come from jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Indianapolis, Indiana where bozo Rodney Hall pulled off a robbery at the local bank, getting away with a few hundred dollars in cash. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, when he entered the bank he brought along a gun, a check cashing card, his phone bill and his birth certificate. When he pulled out the gun, he dropped the birth certificate, the phone bill and his check cashing card. He was arrested when the police visited the address on the phone bill.

(Best of Bozo) Our bozo for today comes from the Bozo Lonely Hearts Club in Gateshead, England where bozo Mark Waverly held up a store. While making his getaway he noticed a particularly fine woman waiting at the bus stop. So fine was she that our bozo just had to stop and ask her for a date. After making small talk with her for a few minutes he wrote his name and telephone number on her hand and went on his way. Later, when the woman saw a video tape of the robbery, she recognized the thief as her suitor and called the cops with his name and phone number, which she had saved. His next date is with the judge.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spencer, Iowa, where Bozo Elaine Brown was in jail on drug possession charges. Needing money for bond, she called her son and asked him to sell the marijuana she had stashed in the refrigerator and bring her the cash. Unfortunately, the call was monitored by the police. She now faces an additional charge of possession of marijuana with intent to deliver.

One Easter Sunday a preacher was giving a special sermon for the children. He held up an egg and asked the kids, "Who knows what’s in here?" A little voice from the back shouted, "Pantyhose!"

Bozo criminal for today comes from Lufkin, Texas where bozo Shirley Walker purchased several items at the local Dollar General store. On the way out, she noticed a barbeque grill that she really liked. She liked it so much that she decided to steal it, loading it into her car and driving away. Police didn’t have any problem tracking her down however. Remember those items she purchased? She paid for them with a personal check.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Statesboro, Georgia where bozo Jody Majors thought this was his lucky day. After several drinks at a neighborhood bar, he stumbled upon a checkbook. Deciding to put his good fortune to work, he wrote a check to pay his tab and handed it to the bartender. Unfortunately, the checkbook belonged to the bartender who immediately called the cops. The situation was diffused when our bozo’s daddy came by and paid his $129 bar tab.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Northern Thailand where an unidentified bozo broke into a home in the middle of the night and stole a few beers. He quickly sought cover when he heard the homeowner coming his way, sliding underneath a bed. Sad to say, the bed he slid under was the same one the homeowner was sleeping in. When his search for the intruder proved fruitless, the homeowner returned to bed only to hear the sound of our bozo snoring. Yep, he had fallen sound asleep while hiding under the bed. He’s trying out the jailhouse mattress now.

Our bozos for today violated Bozo Rule Number 57633: Wait until you get home to change out of your work clothes. From Highland, California comes the story of bozos Michael Green and James Caperton who broke into a home and stole several items including a Playstation, an X-Box and a cordless phone. They loaded their loot into a couple of bags and left, in broad daylight. So far, so good. It’s what they did after they got out on the street that got them into trouble. Wanting to get out of the clothes that they had used in the robbery, they began stripping them off as they walked, throwing their clothes into the bushes. The sight of two nearly naked bozos, dragging a couple of bulging bags behind them attracted the attention of neighbors, who called the cops. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada where a man walked into the police station house and asked the desk sergeant for a light. When the officer gave him his lighter, our bozo pulled out a partially filled crack pipe. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Braunschweig, Germany where 70 year old bozo Gustav Schultz was in the process of shoplifting several items when he was spotted by a police officer. As the officer tried to apprehend him, our bozo struck out with the only weapon he had…he bit the officer on the arm. Unfortunately, he must have forgotten that he had left his false teeth at home that morning. Instead of taking a bite out of the officer’s arm, he only left a wet spot where he gummed him. The officer proceeded to take a bite out of crime by placing him under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Riverside, California where bozo Antoine Barber was a litterbug with a bad habit of throwing trash from his car. In a case of really bad timing, our bozo tossed some trash, only to have it hit a patrol car. When the police pulled our bozo over, they found that not only was he a litterbug, he was also driving a stolen car and carrying about 60 grams of methamphetamine. Three strikes and you’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from San Antonio, Texas where bozo Michael Carter picked the wrong place to look for a job. He applied for work at the construction site of the new FBI headquarters in the Alamo City. Guess he didn’t realize they’d run a background check. When the computer showed a warrant on him for drug charges, our bozo tried to flee, breaking away from an agent who was attempting to detain him. He was quickly recaptured and the charge of assaulting a federal officer was added to his rap sheet.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Houston, Texas where bozo Oscar Gonzalez was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. After running our bozo’s name through the computer, the officer found that his license was suspended and that he was wanted on an outstanding warrant. He was already in a heap o’ trouble but he just couldn’t leave well enough alone. Our bozo told the officer that he wished he could finish the banana split he had in his car. The officer took a look at the tasty treat and noticed something strange: A square shaped object sitting on top, and it wasn’t a sprinkle. Upon further investigation, the object turned out to be crack cocaine. A banana split with cocaine topping. Busted!

Bozo criminals for today come from Crystal, Minnesota where Bozos Mitchell Sanders and Bryan Clark broke into a Little League concession stand and stole $30 worth of Skittles and Starburst candy. In their excitement to get away and enjoy their loot, one of them left behind his cell phone. The sugar rush must have clouded his thinking, as later that evening he called the phone and, when a police officer answered, he identified himself as the owner. The officer then arranged to meet our bozo and return the phone. Both bozos have been charged with theft and have adopted a low sugar diet.

We’ve said it several times before…the old saying about a dog being man’s best friend doesn’t apply to bozos. From Cedar City, Utah comes the story of Bozo Nicholas Gobel who was approached by police officers wanting to question him about some stolen property. Instead of talking, our bozo jumped into his car and fled, along with his dog. He led the cops down a winding, bumpy road that jostled our bozo and his dog quite a bit. Finally, the dog had enough being slammed around and took out his frustration on the cause of all his problems, our bozo. Yep, the dog took a chunk out of our bozo’s nose. And that ended the chase. Our bozo is under arrest and they’re looking for a better home for the dog.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Kansas City, Kansas where an unidentified bozo walked into a convenience store and picked up a can of soda. She then went to the counter and, as the clerk opened the register, she leaned over and tried to snatch some cash. The clerk was having none of it and grabbed the woman by the shirt. As she struggled to get away, she lost her shirt and ran topless from the store, along with the $3 she got from the register. A few minutes later, she came back into the store to demand her shirt back. The clerk said OK, but first give me the $3 back. Fair trade. She gave him the money and he gave her the shirt. The cops are looking for the topless bandit…and, no, we don’t know if there is a video.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From St. Paul, Minnesota comes the story of bozo drug dealer Corey Richardson who stashed his marijuana in his six year old son’s Scooby-Doo backpack. Trouble arose when the kid went to school and his teacher asked him to remove a folder from the backpack and he pulled out a bag containing 25 smaller baggies of pot. School officials seized the weed and called the cops. At about that same time our bozo realized what had happened and rushed to the school to retrieve his dope. Bad timing. He’s been charged with drug dealing.