Author: dave

Bozo Criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 34675: When fleeing, it’s best to head away from the crime scene. From Orange County, Florida comes the story of a couple of unidentified bozos who thought they had their bank robbery plan well thought out. They stashed their getaway car a block away from the bank and walked over. Upon entering, one of them handed the teller a note stating that they had a hand grenade and she should hand over the cash. She did, and they ran out of the bank toward their getaway car. On the way, the dye pack exploded, sending money flying everywhere. When they reached their waiting vehicle, they sped away…in the wrong direction, heading back toward the bank. By this time the cops had arrived were easily able to hem them in and make the arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Orem, Utah comes the story of bozo Casey Hardy who just didn’t know when to say when. Our bozo broke into a grocery store and started helping himself to cash from the ATM machine. After he had too much money to hold in his hands, he started stuffing it into his pockets. Finally, his pants were so overloaded that they fell down. Twice. He then got himself a shopping bag to carry all the money. He got away, but the police got a great view of his escapades from the store’s surveillance camera. He apparently only got as far as the nearest liquor store, as he was soon arrested for drunken driving and was promptly recognized as the thief when he was hauled in.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Jenny Michael for sending in today’s report from Bismarck, North Dakota where police were investigating several incidents of vandalism involving spray painting of graffiti. At the scene of one of the incidents, an officer noticed a store receipt for…what else…spray paint. After viewing store surveillance video from the date and time the paint was purchased, our bozo was identified and charged.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Danbury, Connecticut comes the story of bozo Nakia Dawson who was under arrest for possession of marijuana and cocaine. He used his one phone call to call his aunt and asked her to please bring his safe from home so he could get cash to pay his bail. Auntie brought the safe to the jail and when our bozo opened it in front of a police officer, out fell the cash, along with drug paraphernalia and 16 grams of cocaine. Oops. His bond was raised to $125,000 and there wasn’t enough cash in there to cover the new amount.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 99781: If your car is in the police impound lot it’s best to reclaim it legally. Bozo Andre Carter knew his car was locked up and took the bozo approach to getting it out. He broke through the gate, going right past the "No Trespassing" sign and went straight to his car. It was jammed in there tight, so he had to ram a few other vehicles to get it out, damaging his car and attracting the attention of the lot’s neighbors who called the cops. Both car and bozo are once again locked up.

It’s Valentine’s Day, when most every girl hopes to be taken out to a nice restaurant. Of course, since this is a Bozo story, the trip to the restaurant wasn’t exactly what she’d hoped it would be. Bozo Larry Baker and his girlfriend Sheila began squabbling in a Nashville, Tennessee motel room. And after taking a hit of cocaine, our bozo started trashing the room and attempted to choke her. She ran out of the room, totally nude and went to the nearby Waffle House, where she locked herself in the bathroom. Our bozo, also naked, followed her to the restaurant and continued to argue with her through the door before deciding to leave in his car. In the meantime, the cops were called and our bozo was arrested for driving under the influence, evading arrest and indecent exposure. His girlfriend has not been charged.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Fred McKinney for sending in today’s report. On this Valentine’s Day Eve, we have a chocolate loving bozo. From St. Louis, Missouri comes the story of bozo Colin Jones who broke into an apartment just a few doors down from his own. Once inside, our bozo stole some clothes, a wallet, a camera and a few other items. On his way out the door, he also grabbed some chocolate candies. And you know how it is with chocolate. Sometimes you just can’t wait to eat it. That was the case with our bozo. Investigating officers simply followed the trail of candy wrappers to our bozo’s apartment nearby. He’s under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Sam Whitaker for sending in today’s report. From Ft. Wayne, Indiana comes the story of bozo Fred Baldwin who was involved in a hit and run accident. Our bozo left the scene and headed over to what he thought was a hotel. He pulled in, parked and got out to look at the damage to his car. A police officer walked by and asked if he needed help. Our bozo said no, he was just looking for a hotel room. The officer noticed the damage and did a quick check, discovering that the vehicle had been involved in a hit and run. Our bozo was arrested while he was still looking for the entrance to the hotel. He never would have found it. Instead of pulling into a hotel, he had turned into the Indiana State Police Department parking lot.

Bozo criminal for today comes from New York City where bozo James Slayton broke into a grocery store by crawling in through the casing of an air conditioner that had been removed. Don’t know if he partook of a little snack before trying to leave or what, but on his way out he got stuck. His head and arms were dangling outside the store while his lower body and legs remained inside. Police responding to calls for help found his pockets stuffed with cash. He was freed and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Czarna Dabrowka, Poland where bozo Wojtek Lebowski broke into a car and stole the stereo. He was frightened when the car alarm went off and he had to make a hasty exit. Unfortunately, in his hurry to get away, he somehow spit out his false teeth, leaving them behind in the car. Police were able to trace him down through dental records. He’s been reunited with his teeth in jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from West Valley, Utah, where bozo Brook Alston kept calling the 911 operator, insisting that he had an emergency. He dialed 911 twelve times in the space of five hours to complain about his toothache. He refused an ambulance, didn’t want a visit from the police and just seemed like he enjoyed complaining. Then things got a little weird. He started griping about the drug dealers, saying he wanted them off the street. And then he told the operator he was going to tell president George Bush if he didn’t get the help he needed. Finally, he pulled out the big guns. He told the operator he could tell CNN’s Nancy Grace what was going on. That may have pushed the operator over the edge. Police paid our bozo a little visit and charged him with 911 abuse.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Tualatin, Oregon comes the story of one hungry bozo. Davis Kearney drove up to the Arby’s and attempted to go through the drive-thru backwards, crashing into the building in the process. Employees called the cops but before they could arrive he had driven away. He tried to flee the scene, right? Wrong. He just changed his mind about what he wanted to eat. He drove across the street to the Taco Bell where police arrested him in the parking lot.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 32345: It’s not usually a good idea to let your victim do the dirty work for you. From Atlanta, Georgia comes the story of an unidentified bozo who took a woman captive. Next, he drove her to her bank and instructed her to go inside and draw out all her money while he went next door and enjoyed a Chic-Fil-A sandwich. Hope it was a good one. She alerted bank employees about what was going on and they called the cops who arrested our bozo while he was still inside the restaurant.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Laura Davidson for sending in today’s report. From Gresham, Oregon comes the story of a couple of bozos who violated Bozo Rule Number 0055: Don’t brag about your crime until after you’ve successfully pulled it off. Our bozos were planning on holding up a deli and were checking the place out. For reasons known only to the bozo mind, one of them decided it would be a good idea to tell a customer of their plans. It wasn’t. The customer called the cops who arrived and arrested our bozos before they were able to pull off their little heist.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report from Sheboygan, Wisconsin where the recent cold weather left Bozo Troy Humphrey longing for a snowmobile. So, he broke into a dealership and stole a $9000 snowmobile and a $1000 trailer. But, when he got the snowmobile home, he noticed it wasn’t perfect, so he took it back to the dealer for repairs. To the same dealer he had stolen it from the night before. Bad idea. He’s been charged with theft.

Bozo criminal for today proves that the old "Practice makes perfect" theory doesn’t work in the Bozo World. From Brooklyn, New York comes the story of bozo Clenzo Turner who held up a bank and got $2300 in cash only to have the dye pack explode in his face. He escaped, only to return to the same bank just two days later. Going to a different teller this time, he again demanded cash. He received $1700 and made it to a waiting taxi cab before the dye pack exploded. He should have quit while he was ahead. This time, he left behind a fingerprint which led to his arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Tracy, California comes the story of bozo John Forman who stole a car, drove it around for a while, trashed it out and ditched it. Inside he left some Cheetos and a letter he had intended to send his mother telling her what to do with his personal belongings when he went to jail. Oops. Cops got in touch with mom and promptly arrested our thief. That in itself probably wouldn’t qualify as a bozo tale, but here’s the rest of the story. The car our bozo stole belonged to a California bail bondsman. And when our bozo was arrested, that just happened to be the very bail bondsman he called to get out of jail.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in South Shields, England where bozo Stephen Brown tried to break into a bar. First, he jimmyed a lock on a room directly above the business. Then, he sawed through the floorboards into the ceiling of the bar, creating a hole just large enough for him to squeeze through. As he was slithering his way inside, the burglar alarm went off. Panicking, our bozo stopped in mid slither and tried to back out. But reverse slithering isn’t as easy as it sounds and he soon found himself stuck tight. The police discovered him, half in and half out, hanging from the ceiling. The fire department rescue crew had to be called and after about 30 minutes he was freed and arrested.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Bremen, Germany, where police were conducting a spot check, looking for drunk drivers. They had pulled over one car and were talking to the driver when our bozo drove by. Thinking perhaps there was a problem, he stopped and asked the officer if there was anything he could do to help. Now, that would have been fine except for one thing. He was drunk. He’s been arrested and charged with drunk driving.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Jackson, Michigan comes the story of bozo Jerry Renfro who the cops suspected for a murder but couldn’t prove anything. That is, until they were talking to his girlfriend and she told them that the other night they were playing a little game with friends and when someone asked our bozo what was the stupidest thing he had ever done, he answered, "Shot a guy in the head." Well, maybe that’s now the second stupidest thing he’s ever done. He’s now under arrest, charged with murder.