Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Preston, England, where bozo Stuart Graham at least gets points for his honesty. Shortly after burglarizing a residence, our bozo realized he had left his cell phone behind. So, he did what any bozo would do. He returned to the home, rang the doorbell and introduced himself to the homeowner as "the person who broke in" before asking for his cell phone back. The homeowner slammed the door in his face and called the cops. He’s now under arrest.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Bromley, England, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who robbed a young man of his $400 silver chain and bracelet. Rather than fleeing, our bozo put the necklace on and then spent several seconds admiring how nice he looked. By staring at his reflection in the lens of the security camera that had recorded the whole thing. Busted!

Once again, our bozo for today was foiled by modern technology. From Stockton, California comes the story of bozo Marco Lopez who stole a car and then needed to turn it into some quick cash. So, he logged on to the internet and placed an ad on the online want ad site Craigslist. Bad idea. The owner of the car spotted the familiar looking vehicle and called the cops, who set up an appointment to look at the car and arrest our bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Prichard, Alabama, where bozo Chavis Sims was upset with the police, thinking that they had unlawfully kept some of his money after a recent drug arrest. So, he headed down to the police station to complain. Several mistakes ensued. First, when he got out of the car at headquarters, a dense cloud of marijuana smoke emerged along with him. An officer nearby noticed the smell and also the baggie of marijuana plainly visible in the center console and the illegal firearm barely tucked under the front seat. But his problems didn’t end there. That car he that he drove to the station…was stolen. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Spokane, Washington, where aspiring bozo counterfeiter Thomas Hickman made a couple of big mistakes. First, he spent $100 on a color printer to make counterfeit money so he could buy $90 worth of marijuana. His second mistake was the location he set up as his print shop. Since he needed an electrical outlet and a locking door, he selected the public restroom at the local mall. Security received a complaint that the men’s bathroom door had been locked for more than an hour and our bozo was busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Shalimar, Florida, where bozo Kristen Lucas thought she was being a good samaritan when she went down to the local police station claiming she had some inside drug dealing information for them. Officers listened to her story and thought she seemed a little fuzzy on some of the details. So, one of the cops asked her when she had last smoked crack. "In the car on the way over here," she replied. Oops. A quick check of the car revealed she wasn’t kidding. Crack and drug paraphernalia, along with scales covered in cocaine residue were found in her car. Busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report. From Boulder, Colorado, comes the story of bozo Paul Hickman who robbed a Starbucks. Guess he must have been a big fan of the place, as he returned to the same Starbucks two days later, not to rob it this time, but to order a cup of coffee. Two problems here. First, he was wearing the same yellow gloves, red backpack and wire rimmed glasses he wore during the robbery. And second, a detective was in the shop at the time questioning employees about the robbery. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Utrecht, the Netherlands, where a mooning went terribly wrong. Our unidentified 21-year-old bozo was walking by a crowded restaurant when he got the uncontrollable urge to moon the folks inside. He dropped his pants and pressed his backside against the restaurant’s window. He must have pressed a little too hard, as the window broke, causing what the police called "deep wounds to the derriere." The restaurant owner took pity on him and agreed not to press charges when our bozo agreed to pay for the window.

Bozo criminals for today comes from Hughes, Arkansas, where Thomas Parker and Wayne Pitts, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, decided to steal the Pepsi machine from in front of the local liquor store. They made two basic mistakes that kept them from getting to enjoy their prize. First, they left the big machine in their front yard, in plain sight of sheriff’s deputies who couldn’t help but notice it when they drove by. And second, the set of tracks, made by a dolly, that led directly from their front yard back to the liquor store that had reported it missing. Busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Huainan, China, where an unidentified bozo hailed a cab early the other morning. Our bozo had lots of household appliances with him, so the cabbie helped load them into the cab. It was while he was helping that the cabbie realized several of the items looked mighty familiar. Yep, our bozo had robbed the cabbie’s house and was now loading the cabbie’s stuff into his taxi. The cabbie dropped our bozo off at his residence and then called the cops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Annapolis, Maryland, where bozo Joshua Gilbert was pulled over by the cops for running a red light. His situation worsened when the cops discovered he didn’t have a valid drivers license, leading the officers to place him under arrest. At that moment, our bozo’s cell phone rang, and the officer couldn’t help but notice the name on the caller ID, "Zach the Weed Man". He took down Zach’s number and called him back. The Weed Man was more than happy to set up a place to sell the officer some pot. He’s joined his friend in jail.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Melbourne, Australia. It’s said that timing is everything, and, in the case of these bozos, bad timing sealed their fates. Our bozos had the misfortune to break into the back of a residence, just as police officers were breaking in the front door in a drug raid. Guess they didn’t notice the cop cars out front. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Bremerton, Washington, where bozo Claudia Wilkins stopped by her credit union to make a deposit. Since it was after hours, she simply dropped the envelope containing the cash in the night deposit slot. No problem there, except for the additional item she deposited. Inside the envelope, along with the cash and her deposit slip, was a baggie of methamphetamine. Suspicious bank employees called the cops and our bozo was arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Williston, North Dakota, comes the story of bozo Sharon Parker who skipped town after being accused of stealing $5000 from a car dealership where she worked as an office manager. The trail had gone cold until she applied for a job in Pittsburgh and used her former employer, the one she had allegedly been stealing from, as a reference. When the company’s owner got a call about the reference, he called the cops. She’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Hamburg, Michigan, where the cops were making a routine bar check at about 11 PM. When they returned to their vehicle, they found the cruiser’s windshield had been smashed. Guess our bozo didn’t notice the video camera on the car’s dash, which captured a nice picture of him jumping on the hood and kicking in the windshield. Officers took the picture back inside the bar where patrons identified him as a regular. Oops. He’s under arrest.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminals for today come from Richmond, Virginia, where bozos Randy Stevens and Bobby Parker went to a new home site and removed a refrigerator from one of the not yet completed homes. The bozos, after much struggling, got the refrigerator out of the house and into the back of their pickup. However, the extra weight caused the back of the pickup to sink into the mud of the not yet paved driveway. So, our bozos decided to drag the refrigerator back into the house and then try to get the truck out of the mud. Only one problem, when they returned from the house they discovered they’d locked their keys in the truck. They were trying to break into their truck when the police arrived.

Bozo criminal for today violated Bozo Rule Number 47371: Before making up a batch of counterfeit bills, do a little research first. From Phoenix, Arizona, comes the story of bozo Scott Mallory who printed up several fake $100 bills and then tried to pass one at a local store. The clerk took one look at it and knew something was up. The face on the $100 bill was Abraham Lincoln. Lincoln is on the $5. Franklin is on the $100. Police found more of the funny money in our bozo’s shirt pocket when he was placed under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Masterton, New Zealand. We don’t know if the high price of gasoline left bozo Wade Childress without enough money to pay for his potato chips and M&Ms, but when he reached the register at the service station, he discovered he was out of cash. So, he offered the clerk what he had on him…a half ounce of marijuana and a pipe to smoke it with. We’ll never know if the clerk would have accepted the offer, as our bozo failed to notice the police officer, in uniform, standing in line behind him.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joey Schwartzman for sending in today’s report from Jacksonville, Florida. Bozo Stephon Baker robbed a man outside a restaurant, getting away with some cash, a gold chain, and his cell phone. A few days later, the victim purchased a new cell phone and, when he turned it on, he noticed some pictures had been downloaded to it. Yep, through the magic of modern technology, our bozo had taken a couple of self-portraits of himself with the stolen phone and when he tried to send them to himself, they went to the new phone. To make matters worse, he was wearing the gold chain he had taken in the robbery. And to make things even worse, the cops recognized him from an old mug shot on file. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Jacksonville, Florida, where bozo Joseph White was a little short of cash, so he decided to pull off a little heist at the local Hungry Howie’s Pizza. One night after closing time he broke into the rear door and grabbed cash and credit card receipts. Unfortunately, he forgot a couple of minor details. Number one, the security cameras caught a nice picture of him. And second, he didn’t bother to change clothes after getting off work. He was employed by Hungry Howie’s and he still had his uniform on when he broke in. He’s under arrest.