Author: dave

Bozo criminal for today forgot the old adage about not going to the well, or in this case, the bank, too often. From Svendborg, Denmark, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who stopped by her local bank and managed to exchange two 2000 Kroner notes from the Swedish version of Monopoly for 1400 Danish Kroner, or about $240. Obviously emboldened by her success, she returned to the same bank the next day with an additional 8000 Kroners in Monopoly money. Bad idea. The staff was on the lookout for her this time and called the cops. She’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Newcastle, Australia, where it’s currently summertime, a fact that may have escaped our bozo. Charles Wayne broke into a residence and when he heard the homeowners return home, he climbed up into the hot attic to hide. After two hours, with the hot sun beating down on the tin roof, our bozo passed out and fell through the ceiling onto the hardwood floor of the living room, right in front of the shocked homeowners. He staggerd out into the backyard before collapsing. The cops were called and they took our bozo to the hospital for treatment of a broken wrist before charging him with breaking and entering…or maybe breaking and exiting.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Mark Garstin for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada, comes the story of bozo Joseph Long whose mom must not have taught him that spiting is a nasty habit. A police officer walking the beat in Calgary noticed our bozo spit on the sidewalk and he approached him to remind him that there’s an ordinance prohibiting that in Calgary. It was then that our bozo started acting very strangely; he was evasive about giving his name and was very fidgety. When the officer finally did get his name, he discovered why he was so nervous. He had much more than a spitting charge to worry about. He was wanted on a homicide charge. Should have swallowed. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vladeni, Romania, where bozo Petru Susanu had been on the run from the cops on robbery charges for almost four years. With his mother’s help, he had fashioned himself a comfy hideaway underneath the floorboards of her house. Things were going well until he started sending his mom out to buy him cigarettes and beer, at the same store he used to rob. The shopkeeper knew she didn’t drink or smoke and when he noticed she was buying the same brand of cigarettes he used to steal, a light went off in his head. He called the cops and our bozo was arrested.

Bozo criminal for today proves that bozos do not necessarily produce bozo offspring. From Port Pierce, Florida, comes the story of bozo Tessa Clayborn who was wanted on charges of assault, harassing phone calls and carrying a weapon without a permit. When the cops arrived at her home the two men there told the cops that she was not at home. They were just about to leave when a little four year old girl approached one of them and told them that a woman was hiding under the bed. Our bozo was busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. Bozo Leroy Cook was a "mule" for cocaine dealers…he would sneak the drugs across the border for them. On one of his trips he stashed 31 kilos of cocaine, intending to go back for it. One small problem: He forgot where he hid it. So, he kept searching until he found it, right? Wrong. Maybe he called the dope dealers and asked for help in finding their drugs? No way. Instead our bozo called the U.S. Customs Officers and told them what had happened. They were more than happy to help him find his stash. And they were even happier to bust him after they found it.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Amsterdam, New York, comes the story of bozo Walter Tarver who returned to the local supermarket claiming that the lobster he had purchased there was bad. And since he brought the lobster back with him, he was able to obtain a bag of crab legs in exchange for the lobster. He had already left the store when employees noticed the supposedly bad lobster was nothing but shell. Our bozo had carefully removed all the meat from the crustacean and had eaten it before doing the Humpty Dumpty thing and putting the lobster back together again and returning it. The cops were called and by the time they arrived at our bozo’s house, he had already eaten the crab legs, too. Our well-fed bozo is now under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Warsaw, Poland, where an unidentified bozo had robbed a cosmetics shop. He made it back home but got tipped off that the cops were coming to his aunt’s apartment, where he was staying, to look for him. It was then that he came up with our Bozo Hiding Place of the Year. He rolled himself up in a large Persian carpet, propping himself up against a balcony wall. The cops searched the place for two hours without finding him. Then, one of the cops went out on the balcony for a smoke. And that’s when he noticed that rolled up carpet was trembling. Our bozo was unrolled and arrested.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk David Alford for sending in today’s report. From Milwaukee, Wisconsin, comes the story of bozo Jeff Franklin who snatched a woman’s purse in front of a clothing store, getting away with her money but not escaping the video surveillance cameras in front of the store. The cops knew just what our bozo looked like and were surprised when he showed up at the station house the next day to inquire about the arrest of his girlfriend on unrelated charges. Guess he didn’t realize what a big star he’d become. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Walnut Ridge, Arkansas, where bozo Robert Lasater thought he’d found the ideal place to set up his methamphetamine lab…in the basement of the local funeral home. Which might have been an OK idea except for one thing: The funeral home is across the street from the police station. Officers there noticed the lights on in the home after hours and walked over to check things out. The front door was unlocked and they walked right into his lab. He’s busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Fort Worth, Texas, where bozo James Farmer was on trial on drug possession charges. He got a little nervous when he heard the prosecutor ask for life in prison during his closing arguments. During a break, he ran out of the courthouse and didn’t come back. Bad idea. When the trial resumed, the jury announced their decision: A $1000 fine and six years probation. Of course that was before they discovered he had fled. He now faces felony charges of evading arrest. Oops.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From the International File in Nova Varos, Serbia, comes the story of an unidentified bozo who walked into the local bank wearing a ski mask and pointed a shotgun at the teller, demanding cash. He got away with quite a bit, around $60,000, but he didn’t stay away for long. He removed the ski mask and returned to the bank a few minutes later to use some of the cash he had just stolen to pay off an overdraft charge he had on his checking account. Several employees recognized him, even without the mask, and called the cops. He was arrested before he even got his overdraft problems straightened out.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Council Bluffs, Iowa, where an unidentified bozo walked into a cell phone store and demanded cash from the clerk. When she was only able to give him a few dollars, he became frustrated and whipped out a can of pepper spray, which he then proceeded to spray in his own face. Police are looking for a very bleary eyed bozo.

Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Monterrey, Mexico. Bozo Ana Gomez was well known around town for begging from her wheelchair. Residents were shocked to hear that she and her husband had tried to rob the local furniture store. And they were even more surprised to learn that when the store’s security guard confronted the couple, she jumped out of her wheelchair and ran away on foot. They were arrested by the cops when they returned to the store to get her wheelchair.

Bozo Criminal for today comes from Portland, Oregon, where an unidentified bozo definitely picked the wrong place to try to rob. He walked up to a car wash, flashed a gun at the employee on duty and told him to empty the cash register. The employee didn’t even blink. He reached down and grabbed the high pressure car wash wand and blasted our bozo in the face with a mixture of hot water and soap, under 2000 pounds of pressure. The blast almost knocked our bozo off his feet but he recovered and was able to get away. Police are looking for a very clean crook.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma, where it goes without saying that chewing tobacco is quite popular. And that rather nasty habit ultimately led to our bozo’s arrest. Bozo Randy Smith had pulled off a number of robberies at Oklahoma City businesses and police had no evidence against him until one officer noticed a tobacco stain on some papers at the scene of one of the burglaries. The spit was sent in for DNA testing (and you think you have a bad job). Sure enough the spit matched our bozo, who the police had pegged as a suspect but until then had nothing to link him to the crimes. He’s busted.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Longview, Texas, where bozo Samuel Calder was in dire need of some marijuana, so he sent a text message to his dealer and asked if he could deliver. Only one problem, instead of going to the dealer, the text went to the cell phone of a Longview police officer. Oops. He’s busted.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the out of the frying pan, into the fire department. From the Elmwood Correctional Facility in Milpitas, California, comes the story of bozo Arnold Abraham who busted out of the prison under cover of darkness by climbing over the fence surrounding the facility. Perhaps he should have planned his escape a little more thoroughly. When he climbed down from the fence he discovered that he was not on the outside. Instead, he had climbed down into the exercise yard of the neighboring women’s prison. Guards quickly captured him and took him back to his cell.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Albuquerque, New Mexico, where bozo Raymond Green was charged with breaking and entering even though he didn’t steal anything. It seems our bozo had a friend who wanted to have his head shaved. Now, we don’t know why, but our bozo’s living room just didn’t seem to be the right place to do the job. For reasons known only to the bozo mind it was decided that his friend’s head could be better shaved on the front porch of a nearby house. Only one problem…it was dark. So our bozo simply let himself into the house to turn on the porch light. Unfortunately four our bozo, the residents were home at the time and they called the cops. No word on whether the bozo’s buddy ever got his head shaved.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from Vallejo, California, where bozo Floyd Stanger stole a pickup truck but only got a short distance down the Interstate before the truck ran out of gas. You know how far it can be to the next service station on those Interstates and, not wanting to leave his newly stolen vehicle behind, he simply picked up his cell phone and called for help. He dialed up 911 and asked if the cops could come by and help him out. Sure they could. They helped him out of the truck and took him to jail.