Author: dave

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Orebro, Sweden. Two bozos called a cab and asked the cabbie if he could also take along their bicycle. As he was attaching the bicycle to the rear of the cab, he noticed it looked awfully familiar. Upon further inspection, he realized it was his bicycle. Yep, our bozos had stolen the cabbie’s bike while he was at work and then by chance had called the very same cabbie to ask for a ride. He put them in, locked the back doors and drove them to the police station. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Edwardsville, Illinois, where bozo Carl Carpenter pulled aside another car and asked for directions. When the other driver rolled down her window to talk to him, he flashed a gun and demanded money. The woman sped away, with our bozo following behind. She called 911 and the operator told her to drive to a nearby police station, which she did. With our bozo on her tail, staying with her until she reached the station. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Elkhart, Indiana. Bozo John Warren was spotted in a cemetery by an off-duty police officer who was jogging by. He watched as our bozo, totally naked, got back into his truck and drove away. He took down our bozo’s license number and when he paid him a little visit to ask why he was naked in a cemetery, he gave the officer our Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told him he had stopped to check on his in-law’s grave, but he had been golfing all day long and his underwear was wet, so he undressed in his truck. And, as to why he got out of the truck naked, he said it was because he wanted to look at the flowers and didn’t have his glasses. He’s been charged with indecent exposure.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Joe Haig for sending in today’s report from the International File in Manchester, England. Our bozo for today violated Bozo Rule Number 22119: Before pulling a crime, do your homework. Bozo Kate Davis was returning to England on a flight from Jamaica and as she tried to pass a set of golf clubs through customs an agent noticed something strange about them on x-ray. Then, making conversation with her, he asked her what her handicap was. She stared back at him blankly and asked him to repeat the question. When he did, she responded that she didn’t have any disability. Oops. The clubs were drilled open and found to be filled with cocaine. She’s busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Glen Snow for sending in today’s report. From Pueblo, Colorado, comes the story of bozo Manuel Garcia who was speeding down a steep hill when he ran a red light, narrowly missing an oncoming Lexus. He then swerved and ran smack into the side of a police patrol car, miraculously receiving only minor injuries. He was charged with DUI. Now, just what makes this story Bozo-worthy? The fact that he was riding a skateboard at the time.

Bozo criminals for today come from Syracuse, New York, where bozos Christopher Box and Damian Bowman used a rock and hammer to break three windows at a sandwich shop around two o’clock the other morning. Their plan went awry when the breaking glass set off the burglar alarm and they fled without getting anything. The cops arrived a few minutes later and, after checking the surveillance videos, began to take a look around the area. They immediately noticed our two bozos sitting on the front porch of a house just behind the sandwich shop. Thinking they looked a lot like the crooks on the video, they asked them if they had heard any glass breaking within the last 20 minutes or so. This question so shook up one nervous bozo that he immediately confessed and indentified his friend as his accomplice. They’re busted!

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Don Reese for sending in this one from Lakeland, Florida, where bozo Jared Cook walked into a convenience store and asked to buy some tobacco products. The clerk asked for an ID, to confirm his age, which our bozo handed to him. It was after the clerk returned the ID that our bozo announced that it was a holdup and demanded cash. He got a small amount of money and, as he was heading out the door, dropped a small baggie of marijuana. Police quickly rounded up our bozo, using the info from his ID and his image from the surveillance video.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Josh Widdowson for sending in today’s report from the International File in Morelia, Mexico. A group of bozo crooks broke into a cell phone store and made away with several phones. One problem, they only stole the hollow display phones that are completely useless for making calls, leaving behind the real cell phones and cash in another part or the shop.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Concord, California, where bozo Terrol Casey had successfully robbed a number of banks by concealing his face with a ski mask and threatening the teller with a gun. Cops had little to go on, except for the unusual tattoo, which appeared to be a dark blotch, on his wrist. A former girlfriend recognized the blotch and came forward to identify him. She may have had an ulterior motive, though. That blotch on his wrist used to be her name…he had it tattooed over at the request of his new girlfriend. You know what they say about a woman scorned. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Largo, Florida, where bozo Thomas Taylor was to appear in court for a pretrial hearing on charges of selling cocaine. As he was passing through the courthouse metal detector, he spotted an expensive watch that the man behind him had placed into basket of the machine. He snatched it and went on to his court appearance. When the man complained that his watch was missing, the security tape was played back and our bozo was identified. He was arrested in the courtroom and charged with grand theft.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Barbara Goldstein for sending in today’s report. From Chesapeake, Virginia, comes the story of bozo Nathaniel Ferguson who pulled off a heist at a local Sears store, stealing nine iPods and two containers containing donations for needy military families. For reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he recorded the whole thing on his cell phone. He then sent that video to an ex-girlfriend, offering to give her one of the iPods as a gift. Instead of calling him back, she called the cops. He’s under arrest.

(Best of Bozo) Bozo criminal for today comes from the International File in Linz, Austria. An unidentified bozo was trying to break into a nursery when his foot got caught in a crack as he was entering through a window. There he was, stuck, half in and half out of the building. Not seeing any other way out of his predicament, he maneuvered around so that he could reach his cell phone and called…the cops! They were glad to come by and free him before arresting him.

Thanks to Bozo News Hawk Randy Shereda for sending in today’s report. From Deltona, Florida, comes the story of two teenage bozos who were walking down the street at 4 AM when a patrol car approached. They told the officer they were looking for a friend’s house but were having trouble finding it. They then asked for a ride home, but not before telling him they were aspiring rappers and performing a little rap and dance routine for him. It was then the officer noticed an electronic device and power cord stuffed into one of our bozos pants. A quick search of their pants turned up several cell phones and GPS devices, and a package of Pop Tarts. All of which had been reported stolen in a number of vehicle break-ins in the neighborhood. They’re busted!

Bozo criminal for today comes from Salt Lake City, Utah, where bozo Robert Baldwin was pulled over by the cops for driving erratically and not having his lights on. It was when the officer asked if he was having some sort of problem that he came up with the Bozo Excuse of the Month. He told the officer that he was from the planet Alpha Omega and he was just "getting his binge on." The officer didn’t see the humor in his answer. He’s been charged with driving under the influence.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Tallahassee, Florida, where bozo Robert Wells pulled up to the drive-thru window of his bank and made a $200 deposit. Unfortunately, he also deposited something else…a small baggie containing marijuana and cocaine. The teller alerted the cops and he was busted.

Bozo criminal for today basically did everything but arrest himself. From Kalamazoo, Michigan, comes the story of bozo Charles Hathaway who apparently broke into a business. It’s not exactly clear what he got away with but what is clear is that a short time after the break-in, for reasons known only to the Bozo Mind, he showed up at the Department of Public Safety bleeding from cuts on his arms and hands. He told the cops that he had seen someone breaking into the building, and, wanting to help, had climbed inside and scuffled with the intruder. Investigators discovered there was no intruder and our Bozo Witness was actually the Bozo Burglar. Oops. He’s under arrest.

Bozo criminals for today come from West Hartford, Connecticut, where a homeowner returned home to find a strange bicycle on his porch and the front door standing open. As he approached, our three bozo burglars fled through a side window, leaving the bicycle behind. The homeowner called the cops and while they were investigating, who should come sneaking up onto the porch to try to retrieve the bicycle but our bozos. They’re under arrest.

Bozo criminal for today comes from Torquay, England, where bozo James Flint broke into a residence and stole several items, including a cell phone. The next day he used that cell phone to call himself a cab. What he didn’t know was that the phone he stole belonged to a cabdriver for the very cab company he called. The phone operator recognized the cabbies name on caller ID, and, being aware of the break-in, dispatched the cops rather than a cab. He’s busted.

The hot weather seems to be affecting everyone, even our bozos. From Irving, Texas comes the story of Bozo Thomas Phillips who was in the back seat of a car that was pulled over by the cops for a traffic violation. When he saw the cops approaching, he jumped out of the car and ran into a nearby Kroger store. The cops found him hiding inside one of the store’s walk in freezers. He’s now cooling his heels in jail after the officers found he had several outstanding warrants.

Bozo criminals for today come from the International File in Guildford, England, where a team of bozos held up a jewelry store, getting away with $99,000 in jewelry. Two bozos actually pulled off the heist, while our third bozo waited in the getaway car, a high powered Alfa Romeo. The theft went according to plan, but a witness was able to get a description of the getaway car and the license plate number and soon the cops were in hot pursuit. They probably wouldn’t have been able to keep up with the souped up Alfa except for the fact that the getaway driver seemed to be going for some sort of safe driving award. He abided by all the posted speed limits and never so much as ran a stoplight. It didn’t take long for the cops to catch up and place our bozos under arrest.